Archive for TV

10 People I’d Love To Smash – #7

Posted in 10 People I'd Love To Smash with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on April 19, 2008 by Buck Frain

#7: Natalie Bassingthwaighte

If her surname alone wasn’t enough to make you want to smash her, the person herself seals the deal easily. Channel 10’s product, Bashing-twat is a portrait of bland Australian mediocrity at its most saccharine and fucked. Made a household name through her acting in the Channel 10 soap/crime-against-humanity Neighbours, she went on to pursue a singing career with The Rogue Traders, a cuntfully awful band shamelessly promoted by Channel 10 to little end. Most people still know they’re shit, despite contrived appearances to paid enthusiasm on Big Brother and anywhere else Channel 10 could squeeze them in. As a solo artist, she completely fucked her half of the duet Don’t Give Up with Channel 10’s own Shannon Noll and all the post-production in the world couldn’t hide her vocal shitness. Nowadays you can find her on Channel 10 hosting So You Think You Can Dance. I don’t care what you think of the show, Bashing-twat makes me so angry I want to smash my own house to pieces, her voice and her stupid fucking head just piss me off. I haven’t read her book, Sistahood : A Journal of Self-Discovery  that she wrote with her own sista. Get FUCKED!!!! I fucking hate the way she’s used hip-hop spelling to give herself cred with the kids. EAT MY SHIT, YOU CUNT! I won’t be reading it, even though it’s the first thing she’s done without the help of the Channel 10 puppeteers, I’m fuckin’ over it all.

Natalie Bassingthwaighte is fucking useless. Can’t act, can’t sing, can’t fucking present and with all the Botox she’s had, the poor bitch can’t even pull a face. She’s utter crap, a quasi-blonde façade, fashioned by Channel 10 executives to bore the masses into submission and make us crave a commercial break for the honest retail relief it brings. She should be taken away and quietly poisoned for the soulless, vacuous, generic mediocrity she fronts.

 

10 People I’d Love To Smash – #3

Posted in 10 People I'd Love To Smash with tags , , , , , , , , on April 14, 2008 by Buck Frain

#3: David Koch

Oh fuck and cunting Jesus! It’s Monday morning and I’ve managed to get up early enough to see this complete twat’s bald mug on the TV. Well, that’s just buggered my week. David Koch. Kochie, as he’s known by most Australians, is a smarmy ballbag. His voice is the high-pitched whine of middle-class, middle-aged, emasculated Liberal voters. The financial journalist and morning show presenter is a simpering, sycophantic right-wing reactionary fuckstick and the only reason he’s tolerated on TV at all is that he’s such a wimp that no-one feels genuinely threatened by his half-arsed-ashamedly-conservative rhetoric. He’d love nothing more than to see Australia return to John Howard’s 1950s – a world before anyone had ever had sex and when the only people you’d see on the street were white people unless they were aborigines and they weren’t even people back then so you didn’t really see them because they weren’t really there.

According to this, he’s not only won numerous awards for his contributions to finance journalism in this country, he was also Father Of The Year last year. It is terrifying that he’s managed to pass those genes on and hideous to think someone actually slept with this wanker (and more than once). People are fucking sick. According to an anonymous source who went to school with Kochie’s son – he’s a complete fuckwit too. Kochie needs to be taken to with a cricket bat. He won’t learn anything but it’d be fun for the sounds of bat on bald.

 

10 People I’d Love To Smash – # 2.

Posted in 10 People I'd Love To Smash with tags , , , , , , , , on April 13, 2008 by Buck Frain

#2: The chick off the iSelect commercials.

What an obnoxious woman, what an obnoxious campaign. The timbre of her voice seems to have been specifically chosen by the ad exec’s for its ability to stimulate bile production and unfettered rage in humans. If I ever meet someone who admits to writing that shit I’ll fucking glass them on the spot. I’ve yet to meet a person who is unmoved by or who actually appreciates these ads. Everyone I have spoken to hates them and, as a result, her with a passion. I know actors need to work, but FUCK! Show a little restraint: wait tables, do some Shakespeare-in-the-fuckin’-park. Anyone with even a couple of grey cells could tell you: That shit ain’t funny! It’s annoying, it’s fucked, it fills me with violent impulses and fuck knows I don’t need more. Health insurance? – FUCK YOU! If I ever buy health insurance I swear I’ll be happy to pay higher premiums every week for the rest of my life than give one cent to those FUCKERS. Fuck you iSelect, fuck you Camilla Jackson and your big fucking break, FUCK OFF AND DIE! She can’t act and her voice could put the veins in blue cheese. She should be used as a crash test dummy.

 You’d have to be picking you own teeth and fragments of facial bone off the road to buy health insurance any other way!