Archive for Travel

Get Some Privacy For Christmas!

Posted in Human Stupidity with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 22, 2009 by Buck Frain

With his marriage in tatters, a gaggle of money-grubbing slappers circling for their 15-nano-seconds-of-fame-with-accompanying-media-stipend and sponsors running for the hills because they can’t see the Woods for the sleaze, golfing titan Tiger Woods is heading for the high seas. And who the fuck can blame him? Not me, Jim-lad, that’s for cunting sure! 

I’ve been watching this media car crash for the last couple of weeks and I have silently listened to all the banal water-cooler conversations about how his wife should take him to the cleaners; his sponsors should all ditch him; how he shouldn’t be allowed to play golf because he’s such an evil human being and how surprising it all is seeing as he never looked like one of those guys who does that sort of thing

What sort of thing? Fucking? OK so rich, attractive, athlete at the top of his game, the best in his field in the entire world? And he’s fucking a lot? Whoa! How could this possibly happen? 

Jesus fucking Christ! I feel like I’m losing my mind! WHO THE FUCK CARES??? I know I regularly rip shit out of  sportos for being reprehensible pieces of shit but this is different. He has broken no law. The girls were all legal and consenting. For me this is pretty fucking simple – LEAVE HIM THE FUCK ALONE! He may be a crap husband but really that’s between him and his wife. Public figure or not, I don’t give a shit, it’s no other motherfucker’s business and no-one else in the entire world has any right to feel one way or the other about it SO JUST SHUT YOUR STINKING HOLES AND FUCKING DIE!!! 

I feel for Tiger and I don’t know what’s worse, realising that when you’re rich everyone sees you as nothing more than a meal ticket, having your mum tell the tabloids she’s angry and devastated by what’s going on in/out of your marriage or having a notorious wanker like Boris Becker come in faux support of you. Fuck all that for a game of soldiers! I reckon Tiger’s got the right idea – load the boat full of booze, grab a few  mates and get the shit out of there. Maybe go to the Bahamas or anywhere you can get enormous drinks with umbrellas and fruit sticking out of them and ridiculously big joints, somewhere people are living their lives enough that they’ll leave you alone to do the cunting same.

 

I’m just glad that the PGA Tour still saw fit to award him Player Of The Year. Ah, who the fuck else would they give it to? He even plays a mean game of golf! Merry Christmas Tiger Woods!

 

Merry Christmas to the rest of you as well…except the cunts out there I don’t like – FUCK YOU GUYS!!! I’m putting snow on my blog. I don’t know why, it’ll probably shit people off but fuck it, it’ll be gone soon and Australia’s fucking hot over Christmas so I need all the cool I can get.

“Rambo” – The Big Merino

Posted in Tourist Attractions That Suck with tags , , , , , , , , , , on May 5, 2008 by Buck Frain

Australia is really big and flat and empty. The roads are long and if you’re travelling you eventually have to stop somewhere (inevitably in some dog-fucking backwater) to refuel, re-hydrate and eat. In the hope of encouraging your stop, and the minor financial benefit it brings, small communities all over the country have created tourist attactions that …well, suck.

In the sheep-wheat country of NSW, the rural city of Goulburn has The Big Merino, a fucking enormous concrete sheep affectionately known as “Rambo” by the culturally starved locals. He’s 50 ft high and 60 ft long weighs a shitload. Almost a year ago he was moved 800m up the highway, for reasons nobody will ever care about, but the move was the most exciting thing that had happened in Goulburn since Rambo first appeared in 1985.

Below his enormous, pendulous ballbag there is a gift shop where you can buy things made out of wool and/or sheepskin. There is also a café where you can buy greasy truck-stop food. For the truly adventurous, there is the walk up inside Rambo, to look out his eyes at the amazingly picturesque FUCK ALL that surrounds him. There is NOTHING TO SEE HERE!!!

Sheep are stupid and boring, even when they’re really big. This monstrosity is a testament to the damaging effects of isolation on the imagination. If you take your kids here they will hate you unless, of course, they’re a bit weird and really want to see a huge pair of cement sheep balls. This really is a tourist attraction that SUCKS! Fuck you, Goulburn!