Archive for Society

Queensland Government Fights The War Against Glass!

Posted in Rage Against The Machine with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 28, 2009 by Buck Frain

Good work Queensland, you fucking gimps! What a stupid, stupid place to live. Queensland, the home of XXXX ‘beer’, Bundaberg Rum and rampant stupidity. Let’s ignore the fact that the recalcitrant fucks have refused daylight saving because it fades the curtains and confuses the cows. Let’s ignore the fact that no bastard in the entire state knows how to make a decent cup of coffee. I just want to focus in on this latest piece of idiocy.

The Queensland Government is in the process of banning  glass in pubs. Why? Because the lousy, cowardly bogan fucks of Queensland, just like those found elswhere across the country, have taken to glassing the shit out of anyone they take a dislike to when they’ve got a skin full of piss.

glassing_victim

I don’t think there’s any doubt that glassing is awful. It’s shithouse! There is very little that’s quite as reprehensible as taking glass to an unarmed opponent. It’s a piss-weak piece of hooliganism that seems to have been adopted from the UK – thanks for another fine cultural export, right up there with foxes, small pox and convicts! I have the greatest sympathy for victims of this sort of cowardice, however, the problem I have with the removal of glass from pubs is that it doesn’t solve the fucking problem, it’s just a thoroughly cock-brained piece of policy-making that fucks up everyone’s pub experience. As civilized adults we should be able to enjoy a cold beer from a chilled glass. We should be able to drink wine, or whatever else for that matter, from glass vessels. Glass is beautiful. Organic. Dignified. Plastic is carcinogenic and arse! We shouldn’t be relegated to slurping out of plastic beakers like children just because there are a percentage douche bags in our midst. Why should everyone’s lifestyle take a dive because a minority is fucked in the head? IT CUNTING WELL SHOULDN’T!!!

broken-glass

If you take a glass to someone you should be charged with attempted murder. That’s what it is. Glass is a potentially lethal weapon. You glass someone, you may not be trying to kill them, but you are maliciously trying to permanently disfigure them in a way that will – especially in a society as superficial as ours – destroy their life as they know it. You should be locked away for the rest of your stupid life. Get fucked! You should not be allowed to be part of society. It’s that fucking simple. I realise that people are stupid and that drunk people are doubly so but, seriously, a fuckload more people would exercise some restraint if they thought they’d never see the light of day again. Lock the dickheads away. Shut them away forever. Until they fucking well die. Then the rest of us can get back to enjoying our beers out of good old pint glasses like grown-ups rather than drinking out of plastic cups like we’re at some 7 year old’s birthday party.

If you ban glass, society’s shit-sticks will just find other things to mutilate people with. What will you ban next? Pool cues? Pool balls and anyone wearing socks? Chairs? Pencils? What exactly will you be left with? Why not ban alcohol? While you’re at it ban cars, toasters, lawnmowers, cutlery and toothbrushes? Why not ban razor blades – they’re fucking dangerous, and fuck it, I’ll still feel like a man shaving my face with Veet! WHY NOT MAKE THE ENTIRE WORLD OUT OF CUNTING MARSHMALLOWS??? WHY NOT JUST FUCKING KILL YOURSELVES YOU FUCKING USELESS, TERRIFIED CUNTS??? FOR FUCK’S SAKE: TAKE THE FUCKHEADS AND LOCK THEM AWAY!!! THAT’S WHAT WE HAVE CUNTING PRISONS FOR!!!

Hey Hey WHAT century are we living in?

Posted in Shit That Sucks & Blows with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 8, 2009 by Buck Frain

This is what passes for entertainment in Australia. It was on national TV last night and today the media is awash with debate about whether or not it constituted racism. The general consensus from the bogan masses of this country seems to be that everyone should get a sense of humour and have good old brain-dead laugh at it all. I tend to think that if you don’t believe it was racist, YOU ARE A RACIST! You may not be burning crosses, wearing pillow cases on your head or trying to murder people but you’re a lousy racist sack of shit all the same.

Some Australians seem to be under the misapprehension that if they think something funny, that perception of humour cancels out any perception of racism experienced by anyone else. IT CUNTING WELL DOESN’T! It’s the sort of boozy logic that leads footy players to think that because they want the girl she automatically wants all of them. She may have thought she was gang-raped but that was just her being a bad sport and she should really get over it. If she wasn’t so uptight she’d admit that in fact she had a great time. 

Too much? Let’s look at it seriously. What is funny about the above skit? There was no amazing choreographic homage; there was no satirical reworking of MJ’s lyrics. It was white people dressed in black face and an Indian guy who says he’s never been called racist in his life (because if your skin is brown you can’t possibly be racist, can you?) dressed in white face. These shining members of the Australian medical profession – yes, these are educated Australians – have gone two for one, compounding racism with bad taste. Perhaps the best value in the sewer this week. Perhaps not. 

But it was just a bit of fun. 

Really? Take away the make up and what do you have? Oh yeah, nothing! That was the act. That was the gag.

It’s funny because they’re white guys who are pretending to be black! See, that guy’s face is painted white because MJ was black but he looked white! He’s pretending to be a black guy who’s self-mutilating to make himself look like a white guy due to his deep self-hatred, a legacy left over from an abusive childhood! Aaaaaaaaahahahahahahaha get me another pair of pants! That’s gold!

FUCK YOU!!! 

Australia is a very racist country. We don’t like to think of ourselves as racist but that’s just denial. Refer to the last 221 years. We usually hide it behind a mask of humour nowadays but that doesn’t make it any less ignorant or wrong. Pretending it’s all matesy Aah, you ol’ black bastard, ya! doesn’t remove the degradation, humiliation or inherent violence from it. It just makes you feel better about being a cunt. Racism hurts people and divides society. It is ugly and absurd. If you want to make racist jokes with your racist mates, don’t fucking well do it in public, keep that feral shit to yourself! 

I do have a sense of humour but I fail to see anything funny about a plastic surgeon making racist jokes with his rich doctor mates on national TV insulting a recently deceased legend who was plagued with the sort of psychological problems that keep said plastic surgeon and his industry in business. At the very least it was in extremely poor taste but if we’re truly honest with ourselves we have to acknowledge it as bare-faced racism and spurn it as such. Fuck you, Channel 9 for approving this shit for broadcast! Fuck you, Hey Hey It’s Saturday, for being a shitty, out-dated dog turd of a show recycling 20 year old bigotry. Fuck you, redneck bogan wankers of Australia, who are too stupid to realise you are racist scum-sucking cretins! FUCKING DIE!!!

Australian_racism 

To Harry Connick Jr, respect! Nice work calling it like it is and having the balls to go against the grain in a foreign land.

On Cutting The Cheese.

Posted in Random Shit That Gives Me The Cunt with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 11, 2009 by Buck Frain

No, this is not about farts.

Mainland_Cracker_Cuts

I love innovation, I really do, but there has to be a fucking limit. Mainland Cracker Cuts. What the shit-spread toast is wrong with people? Little packets of pre-cut, cracker-sized squares of cheese. WHAT THE FUCK??? I realise cheese slices are not new and while I find them somewhat degrading to cheese I accept that jaded mums with too many lunches to pack in the morning, sandwich bars and burger joints can’t survive without them. It’s not usually even real cheese but I’ll accept that there is a need of sorts for that product even if really it’s only laziness disguised as a need. Likewise, pre-grated cheese I can see serves a purpose – you’re making pizzas, last thing you want is to spend an hour grating your knuckles into the cheese. I can cope with that. 

But Mainland Cracker Cuts are a different matter. This is not a product aimed at someone frantically churning out sandwiches or making pizzas as fast as they can. This is a product for some gormless middle class cunt who just can’t be fucked cutting cheese for his cracker to accompany the bottle of Shiraz he knocks back after dinner. There’s no pressure, there’s no rush – it’s cracker time, for fuck’s sake! WHAT SORT OF ABOMINABLE SHIT-SACK CAN’T BE ARSED CUTTING HIS OWN FUCKING CHEESE??? GET YOUR BUTLER TO DO IT YOU DIRTY FUCKER!!! It’s no more work to cut a slice of cheese than it is to unseal the re-closable packet and pull the pre-cut slice out. Even without putting down the glass of red you can manage to cut cheese, assemble it onto a cracker and put it in your mouth. HOW FUCKING LAZY ARE YOU??? WHAT, ARE YOU IN PRISON? DON’T THEY LET YOU HAVE KNIVES??? WHAT SORT OF PRISON LETS YOU EAT CHEESE AFTER LIGHTS OUT??? 

Now just to get things straight, I’m a big fan of Mainland cheeses. They make some pretty bloody good cheeses and I am a regular buyer of their Colby, Tasty and Vintage to name but three. So this has nothing to do with me having a problem with the company, however, the cretinous, pony-tailed marketing ballbag who came up with this idea should be fucking horse-whipped, castrated with a rusty cheese knife and choked to death with his own balls. Mainland Cracker Cuts are an insult to a species with opposable thumbs and tool-making abilities. We’ve been using knives for 2.5 million years. They are a mark of our humanity. If you can’t be bothered using a knife to cut your cheese then I say get the fuck back to the jungle and eat berries, you fucking chimp! YOU DON’T DESERVE CHEESE!!! 

If I ever visit someone’s house and find they have these shitting Cracker Cuts in their fridge I’ll just fucking snap the carrot and kill them. I’M FUCKING SERIOUS!!! Even if they are a friend, even if I love them, it’s a sure sign that they’ve lost the fucking plot and the only reasonable response to it is pure, undiluted murderous rage. IF YOU WANT CHEESE ON A CRACKER, CUT IT YOUR CUNTING SELF!!!

Welcome To The Death Of Freedom.

Posted in Rage Against The Machine with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 7, 2009 by Buck Frain

Really it’s just a matter of time before the death squads start rounding us up and our relatives never hear from us again.

govt-censorship

We’re sitting fat in our obese western consumocracy, pudgy fingers flicking between infomercials, relieved that we’re so much luckier than all those poor, starving, war-ravaged Africans and so much freer than the oh-so-shat-upon Chinese. What a fucking joke! We have no freedom, we gave that shit away, and we have no culture except buying shit we don’t need. Our own democratically elected government is placing a filter on our internet content that is rivaled only by China’s.  WHAT THE CUNT? I’m all for protecting people but this shit just keeps getting worse. What started out as a  kiddie porn filter is being expanded to block sites that sell or host games that do not meet Australia’s game ratings standards. Let’s ignore the fact that the filter is at best a stupid idea and that it would be a better idea to hunt down and prosecute pedos instead of censoring the net. They’re fucking computer games, I’m an adult, I think I can fucking handle it!

I don’t necessarily give a fuck about the games, what I care about is the removal from adults of the choice of whether they do something that does no harm whatsoever to anyone else.  Removal of choice. Removal of choice is removal of freedom and any removal of freedom de-humanises us. But it’s just a web filter. Bullshit! It’s censorship at its most ridiculous*. Censorship unheard of in any other civilised country in the world. But if that doesn’t matter to you then, yeah OK, today it’s a web filter. But what tomorrow? Revoking our right to freedom of assembly? Let’s fucking face it, we’re already well on the fucking way there. 

May 31st Melbournians may remember there was a peaceful gathering outside Flinders Street Station in protest against the recent violent attacks against Indian students that authorities have been trying to deny are racially motivated. This was a non-violent demonstration against violence …and the police’s reaction? Bash ‘em! Concerned that the demonstration might interest or embarrass commuters entering or leaving Flinders Street Station later that morning the police beat and kicked their way through masses of innocent citizens who were not breaking any law whatsoever. They chased the demonstrators through Flinders Street Station and beat anyone of Indian appearance that they could lay hands or a baton on. I had white friends in that demonstration and they were stunned that once away from the immediate site of the demonstration the police no longer targeted them, the police were racially profiling victims, passing by white people who had been involved in the demonstration and beating the nob out of anyone who looked vaguely Indian. I think it is a telling comment on our society that a peaceful protest against racially motivated violence and the government’s  indifference to it is met with government issued, racially targeted violence.

The reporting of this event in the Australian media was also very telling. Disregarding any notion of police brutality let alone racism, many reports told of the peaceful protest being hijacked by non-Indian trouble-makers. The people I’ve spoken to both Indian and non-Indian tell me that this is simply not true. They tell me that the ethnically diverse make-up of the demonstration was a very harmonious coming together of Australians in solidarity against disgusting acts of cowardice. They tell me that the only antagonism or “trouble-making” was from the police, many of whom were allegedly smiling as they kicked into seated members of the assembled crowd. Ah, there’s nothing as good as getting paid to smash people, is there?

So what is the message? Don’t play games unless they’re approved by the state, and don’t protest against injustice unless you want to get fuck bashed out of you. What sort of country is it that has rules like this? Is this a free or civilized nation?

censorship

What we’re witnessing is a removal of options and a crackdown on dissent. Like the removing of words from the dictionary in 1984, a gradual, incremental removal of liberties and choices. Remove choices and you force compliance. Remove ideas and you control the masses. Now I don’t want anarchy and I don’t want to watch child pornography but  I do want to be free. I want to be able to choose how I live and I want the freedom to choose wrongly. I don’t mind law and I’m perfectly willing to accept consequences for breaking the law, however, if I am unable to choose then there is no virtue in my living according to the rules. Without the possibility of a choice to be virtuous or wicked I lose my humanity,  I merely exist. I take up space and I consume and I die. I’m a cow with thumbs and a credit card. Relax you over-caffeinated fuck, you’re still free!  Yeah sure, free to stay safe in my house, to keep buying from big business’ catalogue of state-approved freedoms. Free to keep working to attain material wealth to spend on trivialities to anesthetize the deep feeling of loss I can’t articulate for a life I’m incapable of imagining. Keep the wheels of commerce greased. Have a Big Mac. Dial 13-bigfaketits. We’re being dumbed down and fattened up, ready for the slaughter. 

Coming Soon To Australia: Keep an eye out for book burnings, sedition charges, witch hunts and ethnic cleansing. 

* Fact: The average age of gamers in Australia is 30 yet there is no R18+ game rating in Australia. Think about it.  Stephen Conroy, you’re a stupid, stupid useless cunt of a man.

Happy Shitting Birthday! Pape smear, anyone?

Posted in 10 People I'd Love To Smash with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 21, 2009 by Buck Frain

I didn’t get a cake but if I had, I imagine it would have looked like this:

shitcake

This week marked the 1st anniversary of the creation of Buck Frain’s Angry Place. Happy Birthday, Place! One whole year of public spleen-venting…and what a cunt of a year it’s been! I’ve gotta say I’m surprised that people have actually paid any notice to my ravings, it proves to me that the world is a far sicker place than even I had imagined. Nonetheless, I thank you all for your attention, your adoration, contempt and disdain and your comments, positive and negative alike. Ya fuckin’ sickos! Rest assured, there’s plenty of rage left in the tank, I’m just as fucked off as I was this time last year but then not a lot has improved in the world so what the shit does anyone expect?

 

This year everything was starting to look OK for everyone who earned less than $80,000 last year with the government announcing a stimulus package to support working Australians that would see us all get a rebate of $900. That’s $900 cash. Each. From the government…for free! That’s brilliant! It’s excellent! At a time when we’re all pretty fucked, the government actually gives something back to the people who fuckin’ need it! Woohoo!!!

 

But then, a slimy-toe-rag lawyer, university lecturer and former National Party toady named Bryan Pape came along and has challenged this payout in The High Court. BASTARD! He says it’s unconstitutional…and The High Court is hearing him on 30th March! THE ROTTEN, MISANTHROPIC, BALL-GRATING, EAR-FUCK!!!

 

He’s wealthy, he’s a miserable old cock-sucker and he wants all that money – your and my fucking money – to go back to the shitting government! It was ours to start with anyway, it was our cunting tax money! If the government wants to give some of it back, why the steaming-shit-sandwich should that be deemed unconstitutional??? ARSE!!!

 

Well fuck that, I’m not putting up with it! If The High Court knows what’s good for it it’ll boot Bryan Pape out on his wrinkly old arse and tell him to go and get fucked by bikers! I mean, what could be more un-Australian that stealing $900 each off 8.7 million members of the working population. He’d better hope his case fails because if it succeeds  there won’t be a pub in Australia where the cunt can safely get a beer! So, in the interest of public vengeance, on the chance that this ridiculous, mean-spirited old wanker actually succeeds in robbing honest Australians of a bit of relief, I offer this:

 

KNOW YOUR ENEMY!

This is him. And his contact details. This cunt is Bryan Pape, the old bastard hell-bent on robbing you of your $900. Feel free to drop him a line and tell him what you think of his plan! Hell, find out where he lives! Have a shit on his mum!

bryan_pape

 Once again, I suppose for the benefit of those without a sense of humour or who are in some other respect gorm deficient,  I should clearly state: This is not really a call to action. I do not wish any actual harm to come to Bryan Pape no matter how much of a twat I think he is. For cunt’s shitting sake, this whole site is just intended as a bit of a laugh, chill the fuck out.  If I asked you to jump off a bridge, would you do that too? Actually, that’s not a bad idea: Jump off a fucking bridge! I can recommend the West Gate and the Bolte if you’re in Melbourne. Please, for fuck’s sake, don’t waste yourself in front of a train – the fucking things get delayed or cancelled enough without useless cunts clogging up the wheels. Remember, some of us do have something to live for!

Old People Are Rubbish.

Posted in Wankers In Denial with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 7, 2009 by Buck Frain

RENTON:   Right. So we all get old and then we can’t hack it any more. Is that it?

SICK BOY:   Yeah.

 

RENTON:   That’s your theory?

 

SICK BOY:   Yeah, beautifully fucking illustrated.

 

RENTON:   Give me the gun. 

 

Old people fuck me off, I’m not going to lie about it. They just give me the fucking shits. I mean, I completely understand that I’m headed that way, as we all are. I’ll get old, I’ll lose my shit and I’ll die. Inevitable…unless I get killed while I still have my faculties – which, considering how many people I seem to piss off, is a real possibility. I know there are a load of things that old people are great for – stealing prescription drugs from, telling really long, pointless anecdotes badly, smelling weird – but generally, old people are rubbish and nowhere is this more apparent than on the road.

 

Twice today I’ve nearly been killed by stupid old wankers in cars. The first was a senile old bint who was so shrunken she could barely see between the steering wheel and the dash. Long after the light had turned red and people filed onto the pedestrian crossing this daft old crone pilots her ancient Peugeot through the intersection. I was over half-way across the road so she’d had plenty of chance to work out the light was red. Two people ahead of me leapt forward to get out of the way, I had to jump back wards to avoid being hit. As I went back I slapped the roof of the car as it went past. Eventually she reacted, screeching to a halt, gazing around, wide-eyed, spasmodically gaping and pouting like a fish drowning in air and blinking furiously behind coke-bottle glasses.

 

THE LIGHT’S FUCKING RED!!!, I screamed.

 

She continued pathetically to fish-mouth at the world and blink, I made my way to the imagined safety of the footpath. The lights changed. She stayed there. The cars behind her started to blast horns at her to move her decrepit arse out of the shitting way. This spooked her even more and I was starting to wonder whether she was having some kind of stroke when finally synapses must have fired and with a cliché grind of gears, the old beast lumbered into motion and lurched unsteadily across the intersection before limping on up the road. God help the poor fuckers up there.

 stupid_old_driver

Deciding I needed to take a breather from the world I ordered a coffee at a nearby café and sat at one of their outdoor tables on the footpath where I could watch the world go by…or so I thought. A geriatric fuckstick in a late 70s BMW dropped in on me. Literally. He reverse parallel parked his way into my table. Slowly. Meticulously. He reversed until the back wheel of the BMW mounted the curb. Then he continued…into the steel barriers the café had erected next to their tables. Neither the sensation nor the noise of the collision registered. I stepped away from the table and yelled an indignant Hey! as he continued back pushing barrier into chair into table and scraping Jesus out of the side of what had looked to have been a pristine automotive specimen. Still no reaction from Jurassic Heidfeld. Satisfied, he applied the handbrake, turned the car off and got out. He wouldn’t have looked back except that I finally broke his fog with a hearty:

 

HEY! Nice parking, mate!

 

Whaaat?, He enquired.

 

I said NICE PARKING!!! What are you doing? You just parked in my fucking coffee!

 

Again just the vulnerable, vacant stare of second childishness.

 

Look! Look at this. You could have killed someone. Look! Are you blind? You’re on the footpath, you smashed into all this stuff! Didn’t you hear it???

 

Slowly he came around and saw the remains of a bent chair trapped between barrier and a now-mashed-but-sturdily-bolted-down table. He studied the side of his car and the damage. Eventually looking up he asked:

 

Are you alright?

 

Yes, I’m fine, but fuck dude, maybe you shouldn’t be driving! You could have killed someone.

 

Oh…(long pause while he gave the impression of considering all this new information)…sorry.

 

And that was it. He just shambled off across the street to do whatever crazy old man shit he had to do. I was amazed. WHAT THE SHIT??? The café manager came out, he was righteously fucked off at his bent table and chair arrangement. I explained what had happened, left my details with him if the police or insurance needed a statement and left him to it.

 

Why the backed-up-colostomy-bag don’t old people just admit it? I mean, they must fucking realise that their reflexes are shot to shit, that their peripheral vision is virtually non-existent and that their brains have scaled back all sensory input to a bare minimum despite the world carrying on just as it always has. Surely they must realise they’ve fucking lost it! I guess like the rest of the species they’re just in denial about their own shitness. I suppose it makes sense, why start facing up to it after the fun bits have gone and you’re back to shitting your pants, eating dog food and begging for attention.

 

The only responsible solution for society is that we take their fucking licences away so they can’t destroy the lives of people who still have something to live for. Fucking test their reflexes, test their vision and hearing. Every fucking year! and as soon as they start to lose their shit cut the shitting licence up. Fuck them. Let the old fuckers walk home, or catch the bus or buy a fucking zimmer frame. Anything so long as they’re not running over people who’ve still got some miles on the clock. SELFISH OLD SHIT-SACKS!!!

 

You think I’m being ageist? Fuck you! I’ll take the fucking test. I don’t fucking care. Make everyone take it. I’m happy for anyone who’s a useless fucktard to be taken off the road. I’m happy for us to start euthanasing the pathologically useless en masse. I mean, tolerance is great but I don’t want to get killed by it! FUCKIN’ WAKE UP, HUMANITY, IT’S NOT LIKE WE’RE SHORT OF PEOPLE ON THIS ROCK!!!

On Filming The Ginger Minge Of Hate.

Posted in Shit That Sucks & Blows with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 20, 2009 by Buck Frain

 

Every so often an idea comes along that is so comprehensively stupid one has to consider moving to a country where it’s easier to buy firearms. I was reading this article about idea-starved, fuckstick filmmakers Leanne Tonkes and Steve Kearney who have apparently managed to weasel over $110,000 of government funding to develop a biopic on the life of Pauline Hanson.

 

What the fuck???

 

For those of you who don’t live in Australia or remember, Pauline Hanson is a national joke that people stopped laughing at the better part of a decade ago. In the mid 90s she rose to notoriety for being an ignorant, bitter old racist fish and chip shop owner who decided to stop selling heart disease to the bogan masses of Ipswich in favour of peddling xenophobia and right-wing reactionary hate as a politician. And didn’t the rednecks love her? Half of Queensland wanted her cannonised and the other half just wanted to fuck her – sick bastards! Either way it was good business at the polls and conservative politicians all over the country got very nervous. But she was complete bollocks and after a few years everyone got sick of her crap and she disappeared in disgrace with a fraud conviction and a stint in jail. Nowadays, she’s a minor celebrity and was most recently seen on Dancing With The Stars, methinks probably because most stars thought it was a fucked show and producers needed to make up the numbers somehow.

pauline2 

Who the dead-cat-up-the-arse thought making a film out of this was a good idea? Who the have-a-shit-right-on-me-Jesus gives money to fuckwits pitching bullshit like this? Film Victoria, that’s who. That’s right, the state government funding body set-up to squander public money on film projects with absolutely no commercial or artistic merit and undermine an already crippled film industry. But fuck, what do I know? Maybe it’s a great idea. I mean they made successful films about Nixon, JFK and Ghandi so why not? But, oh yeah, they did stuff. They had an impact on the world they lived in. They weren’t DEADBEAT, BIGOTTED, BLOODNUT BITCHES, WERE THEY??? NO, THEY CUNTING WELL WEREN’T!!! I MIGHT AS WELL MAKE A FUCKING FILM ABOUT MY BOGAN FUCKING NEIGHBOUR – HE’S A REAL CUNT AS WELL!!!

 

It’s OK, I’m calm. So. Things the panel at Film Victoria should have discussed or at least thought about that may have helped them realise they were feeding a turkey.

 

  • What is the fucking genre? It doesn’t have enough pathos to be drama, it’s too lame to be comedy, it sure ain’t a western, there are no thrills, no sci-fi, maybe a bit of horror if you’re lucky, let’s hope to Christ it’s not porn – ew! Who the shit wants to see some poor prick banging away at the ginger minge of hate? No, it’s a biopic – the least cinematically interesting type of film you can make, so, artistically you’re fucked from the outset.
  • The biopic can only be commercially successful if there are people who are interested in the central character’s life and that can afford cinema tickets, so commercially you’re fucked as well.
  • Pauline Hanson is a mean-spirited offensive cunt and a purveyor of ignorance who has never had anything to say and has failed at pretty much everything she’s ever attempted. Why would anyone care to pay money to watch a film about her?
  • Who is the target audience? Foreign audiences aren’t going to pay to watch this shit and Australian audiences generally despise Australian films unless they’ve won significant critical acclaim or better: foreign approval first…and even then they’ll probably wait for it to come out on DVD then borrow it off their movie-buff mate and use it as a coaster. The only people who will pay to watch this dross are the middle-aged rednecks with a medically enhanced stiffy for Pauline Hanson and you’ll be fucked if you think there are enough of those old cunts to put the film into the black.

 

I think Film Victoria have been sucked in by the producers’ claims to have been in touch with superstar Cate Blanchett about the role. Let’s face it, people will pay good money to watch anything with a star of Blanchett’s magnitude in it. But let’s look carefully at what they say:

 

“She’s very busy,” Kearney admits. “It really depends if we deliver a script she likes.”

 

Now, I don’t know Cate Blanchett, but think about this just a little bit. Apart from being one of the greatest actors on the world Cate Blanchett is polite. She’s not me, if you came to me with an idea like this I’d tell you to go fuck your mother and threaten to kill your pets if you ever darkened my doorstep again. She’s very busy. It really depends if we deliver a script she likes. Which if she’s seen it she obviously doesn’t yet and if she hasn’t it just means you turd-polishing fucks will have to make something really fucking amazing. Maybe NOT a crappy biopic about a non-entity. Get the hint, fuckheads, she hates the idea! Maybe if you decided to make a film about something a bit less SHIT you might have some luck.

 

Hmm…maybe, but the poor cunts wouldn’t get any funding from Film Victoria then, would they?