Archive for Sheep

“Rambo” – The Big Merino

Posted in Tourist Attractions That Suck with tags , , , , , , , , , , on May 5, 2008 by Buck Frain

Australia is really big and flat and empty. The roads are long and if you’re travelling you eventually have to stop somewhere (inevitably in some dog-fucking backwater) to refuel, re-hydrate and eat. In the hope of encouraging your stop, and the minor financial benefit it brings, small communities all over the country have created tourist attactions that …well, suck.

In the sheep-wheat country of NSW, the rural city of Goulburn has The Big Merino, a fucking enormous concrete sheep affectionately known as “Rambo” by the culturally starved locals. He’s 50 ft high and 60 ft long weighs a shitload. Almost a year ago he was moved 800m up the highway, for reasons nobody will ever care about, but the move was the most exciting thing that had happened in Goulburn since Rambo first appeared in 1985.

Below his enormous, pendulous ballbag there is a gift shop where you can buy things made out of wool and/or sheepskin. There is also a café where you can buy greasy truck-stop food. For the truly adventurous, there is the walk up inside Rambo, to look out his eyes at the amazingly picturesque FUCK ALL that surrounds him. There is NOTHING TO SEE HERE!!!

Sheep are stupid and boring, even when they’re really big. This monstrosity is a testament to the damaging effects of isolation on the imagination. If you take your kids here they will hate you unless, of course, they’re a bit weird and really want to see a huge pair of cement sheep balls. This really is a tourist attraction that SUCKS! Fuck you, Goulburn!