Archive for Sam Newman

10 People I’d Love To Smash

Posted in 10 People I'd Love To Smash with tags , , , , , on April 12, 2008 by Buck Frain

I the name of being more regular with my postings I am embarking on a ten part series about some of the people who, in a world without legal repercussions or moral dilemmas, I’d really enjoy exacting physical violence upon.

 

I’ll apologise up front to my international readers for the Australo-centric nature of this list. I have one or two candidates who everyone should recognize and I’ll endeavour to include enough links with the others that you can come to some understanding of my wrath.

 

If you have a special someone you think should be included in this list, you’re welcome to either comment below or email me at buck.frain@gmail.com Whilst I’m pretty happy with my ten, I’m quite willing to believe I may have overlooked someone more deserving of divine fury.

 

I’ll also make the disclaimer: I will not be including any politicians. When thinking about the list I almost filled it entirely with politicians so I’m considering giving them their own list sometime down the track. The only thing that discourages me from that idea is that 99% of people who enter politics should quite rightly be bludgeoned without mercy, so it’d be kinda like shooting fish in a barrel. Then of course, the dilemma of how to stop at only ten?

 

 

So, in no particular order I give you 10 People I’d Love To Smash:

 

 

#1: Sam Newman

 

John “Sam” Newman is a racist, sexist, homophobic arsehole, a bully and a fuckwit. At 62 years old, the retired AFL footballer turned media personality is living proof that a man may experience much in life and learn absolutely nothing. He is a narcissistic mask of faux superiority based on a remembered boof-head-footy-player past and supported by retarded sexuality and contempt for anyone that isn’t him. He’s a walking warning on the dangers of sports psychology. On national TV he’s guilty of dressing up in blackface to mock indigenous footballer Nicky Winmar, exposing his genitals, humiliating his own son, and most recently a misogynistic attack on journalist and TV presenter Caroline Wilson. For a more comprehensive list click here. For fuck’s sake, he had Botox done on TV! His interviewing technique consists of insulting people or, failing that, over-articulating the new multi-syllabic word he’s learnt and using it to patronise them.

 

Despite numerous brushes with death he remains unchanged. A near fatal kidney injury in 1967 failed to make him have that “long hard look at himself”. Being deliberately run over by the mother of one of his children and prostate cancer have also failed to unearth any humanity in him.

 

I’m elated he’s had his prostate removed, I hope with all my heart that he can’t fuck anymore and that he keeps pissing himself. He’s paid ridiculous amounts of money by Channel Nine et al and his sole purpose is to lower the I.Q. of Australia. There’s a line in Mamet’s American Buffalo: “The only way to teach these people is to kill them.” So very true. Sam Newman should be beaten to death by an angry mob wielding footy socks containing pool balls. While I’m not a big fan of mobs I’ll make an exception for Sam, he’s a cunt.