Archive for Product Placement

Water On The Motherfucking Moon!

Posted in Human Stupidity with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 14, 2009 by Buck Frain

water_moon

With almost 100 Angry Place posts up and on the cusp of 100,000 hits, I interrupt the normal flow of meaningless drivel about celebrity pet diets and bizarre sexual fetishes of the rich and famous to bring you this exciting news: There’s water on the motherfucking Moon, bitches! Yep, that’s right, actual, physical Earth-style fucking water, right up there on the fuck-me-dead-it’s-not-really-made-of-cheese Moon. Those super-smart motherfuckers at NASA took a big ol’ gamble with an arseload of public money and crashed a spacecraft into The Moon. Right the fuck into it!  – gotta be the first time the cunts can celebrate a crash – They collected some of the debris and proved once and for all there is water on The Moon. FUCKING WOW!!!… But…actually, what does this mean?

One school of thought suggests that it means we can set up a long-term base on the moon – presumably for astronauts to twat about taking really cool photos of Earth rising and setting before one or more of them goes bat-shit crazy from cabin fever and murders everyone else on the base – because all you really need is an abundance of water, a digital camera and of course a webcam to chart your mental decline. Amazingly, there’s no shortage of lonely scientists already signing up for that mission.

Another school of thought has it that when we’ve completely trashed the Earth – and we’re nearly there – we can all colonise The Moon for a few tens of thousands of years or until it all grows back. Obviously, this is a genius plan because The Moon is a total shit-pile so we can’t possibly make it any worse than it is already. Unfortunately, it’s an idea that’s in complete denial of our basic nature. It relies on our species being able to co-operate, not kill each other and live within our limited means in an unbelievably hostile and ultra-spartan environment. Personally, I can’t see it happening. As a species humans suck the bag. We breed, consume and pollute without giving it any more thought than protozoa does, and living on a shit-pile like The Moon isn’t going to improve our basic nature one iota. 

Of course, any hope of even that slim avenue of salvation will disappear if NASA don’t get armed people up there fucking pronto because now there’s a space race on between the Evian and Perrier companies to see who can be the first to secure and market the most exclusive and expensive bottled water in the known universe. Get a military presence on the Moon. IMMEDIATELY!!!

perrier_moon_water

If you can afford to drink water imported from the moon, writing your name on a hot chick’s arse has to be a piece of piss!

It’s The McNews, McBitches!!!

Posted in Rage Against The Machine with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 28, 2008 by Buck Frain

Back when I started publishing my rage I did a post on McDonald’s and how fuckin’ furious they make me. Some people got it and naturally I also got a bunch of comments from gormless fuck-stains in denial about the corporate evil being perpetrated by corporations like McDonald’s. To all those fuck-stains: eat my shit, you suck!!!

Now I find this story saying McDonald’s have begun paying to have their product placed in news programs. ON THE FUCKING NEWS!!! The traditional territory of at least some illusion of impartiality has become an open field for corporate spruiking through product placement. Objectivity? Eat my arse! Naturally, the dirty, whoring, sycophant executives accepting this filthy lucre have been keen to state that maccas won’t be influencing news content at all. But how can we believe them? Do we realistically believe they would ever dare bite that big, fat, clown-hand now feeding them.

Recent statistics reveal obesity as the fastest growing cause of death in our country [sips from McDonald’s cup, winks at camera] but this tastes great and there are healthy options now too, so keep eating the grease, kids, and just get your doorways widened!

This marks a new low in media whorishness. Why even call it news anymore? How can we even tell when the commercials are over? This really shits my bed – any news program that accepts sponsorship in this way should be fire-bombed on principle. The only reasonable answer to this level of desperate, money-grubbing emptiness is with uncensored, mindless violence. Oh, yeah, anger management, incarceration – yeah, I’m the crazy person, I mean we live in a world where nothing exists that cannot be bought, but I’m the terrorist! I implore the benevolent scientists out there working on The Stupid Bomb to redouble their efforts. Bring on the fuckhead apocalypse! Fuckin’ stupid humans!

 

So it’s not funny – fuck you, I never said it was. You want funny, go here.