Archive for Nudity

11 Shit Things That Make Share-House Living Suck – #7

Posted in 11 Shit Things That Make Share-house Living Suck. with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 14, 2008 by Buck Frain

#7 Other People’s Genitals

 

I don’t have issues with nudity per se. I think streakers at sporting events are funny and I’m cool with the genitals of anyone I’m intimate with. However, other people are another matter altogether. I am OK with other people having genitals just so long as they’re not flapping around at eye level when I’m sitting in the kitchen trying to eat my breakfast.

 

What the weeping-nob-scab is wrong with people? So, you picked up my house-mate last night and brought her back to a house you’ve never been to before inhabited by people you’ve never met and in the morning you wander out through the kitchen in search of the loo…naked. Nice one! And then you look at me like I’m the one with the problem and ask:

 

What are you lookin’ at?

 

I don’t know, fuckhead, is it a bonsai penis? I was worried you were going to try to fuck my breakfast with it!

 

Seriously, what are you doing? Do you have super-complex underpants that take 3 hours and a Ph.D to put on? Use a fucking towel, arse-face!!! In an ideal world one might hope that girls would have more modesty, however, I haven’t really seen any evidence of that.

 

What are you doing here?

 

I live here. I’m eating my breakfast. The toilet’s that way…um…you’re dripping on the fucking floor.

 

One morning I walked out to see a naked guy sitting with his naked arse on one of our chairs at the kitchen table eating our fucking cereal. What the SHIT??? I don’t mind too much about the cereal but how can I use a kitchen chair that’s had some fucker’s sweaty nut-sack and unwashed ring resting on it? Do I disinfect it or just throw the fucking thing away?

 

Inhibitions – they’re great! We have them for a reason. We have them because we aren’t solitary animals, we live in societies and these have only maintained a semblance of order and civility because people covered their genitals up and stopped scent-marking everything in sight. I’m stoked that you’re comfortable with your hairy, hail-damaged body, but do me a favour: COVER IT UP!!! No, really, take this guest burkha! Not because I have issues with my own body, not because I won’t be able to control my primal urges but because I can’t eat and vomit at the same time and I can’t spend my whole life buying new dining furniture.

Teaching Our Children How To Be Failures At Life.

Posted in Rage Against The Machine with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 9, 2008 by Buck Frain

Small-minded sexually repressed fuckwits! Man, I fuckin’ hate them so much. Trying to pretend that no-one ever has sex and if they do they certainly don’t enjoy it, and God forbid, if they were in a moment of weakness to actually enjoy it, they’d be plagued with guilt and never speak of it again. That’s the way: Back to Victorian values! Should we put skirts on the piano legs so no-one gets a stiffy? GET FUCKED!!! 

Here’s an article I read today about Lynne Tziolas, a 24 year old primary school teacher who has been fired for appearing in a Cleo magazine article. Yes, the article is about sex. Yes, it features a tame nude photo of Ms Tziolas and her husband. But it appears in an adult magazine, theoretically kept out of primary-age childrens’ reach. She was fired because of some complaints from offended parents. There has never been any suggestion that her behaviour or work as a teacher has been anything less than excellent. 

What the FUCK??? 

Is sex bad? Is the human form a point of shame? Where do children come from anyway? I mean, surely even the offended parents must have gotten laid at some point. Who the shit are these people? The stupidity of this makes me lose my mind. Your primary school kids learn all about war and crime and violence and all manner of brutality – hey, that’s just the TV, surviving school’s much worse – and yet concerned parents lose their shit at the thought that their kids’ teacher is fucking, despite the fact that the kids are oblivious to it. Why? Oh my God! My child’s teacher fucks her husband. Can you believe that? Her husband! I just read it here. Neither of them are fat either, it’s obscene ! And they’re married. Ew! Perverts, I’m not letting her near MY baby! What is the real problem? Is that she has sex? Or is it that she enjoys it? Or is it that she speaks about it in a adult forum and isn’t ashamed of her body? Do any of these things matter at all? And what the fuck are we saying, that only virgins should teach children? Only celibate people should be teachers? Fuck, that’s a great idea – just ask anyone who went to a Catholic school! Hah! 

From my dusty recollection of how unjust and belittling a misery school could be, the teachers I liked, who were human and understanding, who inspired respect and taught me useful things, were also the ones who, in retrospect, I suspect as most likely of having had some semblance of sex life. It was the mean-spirited arseholes who’d never had a sniff of romance, love or sex who you had to watch out for. The misanthropic bastards who begrudged you your childhood and hated the happiness you exuded. Their whole mission was about crushing that beautiful, innocent spirit before it lead you anywhere near a happy life. Excising imagination and inquisitiveness wherever they emerged lest they spread to the other children like a disease. Do we really want more of those people teaching our kids? 

When I have kids I hope they have teachers who are healthy, happy people with good relationships and fulfilling lives outside the school. People who choose to be teachers because of a passion for helping young people develop into healthy, happy, well-adjusted adults. That, I fear, is unlikely as teachers’ pay is shit, so many of the good ones go on to other professions, and when schools are being run by soft-cock sycophants like The Principal at Narraweena Public School, what hope is there that you can actually do your job and have a normal life?

For fuck’s sake, what does an innocent magazine article about healthy, natural, acceptable-even-to-God-if-you-care-what-he-thinks sexuality have to do with a person’s ability to function as a teacher? She’s not telling the kids about it – No, Johnny, a figure 8 with your tongue, that still feels like a 1…  Fucking hell, what century is this? If I was the Principal who got the calls from those uptight puritan FUCKHEADS about a good teacher, I’d tell them to buy a good-sized mettwurst and GO FUCK THEMSELVES!!!