Archive for Media

Packed To The Rafters With Gormlessness!

Posted in Shit That Sucks & Blows with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 10, 2010 by Buck Frain

A top psychologist has come out to warn fucking idiots obsessed with a piece-of-shit TV show that the death of a fictional character may cause them to feel an emotion. A major news outlet scrambled to alert an apathetic and increasingly gorm-deficient populace to this inconsequential drivel in the hope they could avoid having to report any of the significant events or issues that might warrant genuine social consideration.

If people start feeling emotions about things that aren’t real, they reasoned, it’s a real possibility that they may one day experience an emotion about something that is real. If this happened, then it’s down the slippery slope to people forming considered opinions about the world they live in and even taking actions towards making it a better place. This sort of thing could seriously threaten big business.

Fuck you, Australia, for taking it! Fuck you, Channel 7, for producing the flyblown arse that is Packed to the Rafters! Fuck you again for trying to disguise blatant plugs for your own TV show as legitimate news! – Yes, they seriously tried to pass plot plugs for the show as genuine news that implied that an actor had died! – And fuck you to the psychologist, Dr. Jan Hall, who thinks that experiencing emotions is something that the public need to be warned about! Are you fucking serious? I mean, are we as a society so alienated from our emotions that we need a public warning about the catastrophic grief we may experience at the loss of a fictional character on a TV show? Get fucked!

“Tell yourself it’s only a TV show, exercise to release the ‘happy drugs’ in your body, or watch a soppy DVD that makes you have a good cry,” she said.

Fuck the fucking fuck right off! Seriously, Dr Hall, do you actually think that people have forgotten the purposes and possible effects of drama? People empathising with fictional characters and experiencing emotions as a result of fictional events? What the cunting shit do you think has been going on for the last 2000 years? Theatre and catharsis – ring any bells? You fucking stupid cunt! JUST FUCKING DIE!!!

A massive FUCK YOU has to go out to The Herald Sun for giving any of this even the slightest consideration. YOUR ORGANISATION SHOULD BE OBLITERATED FOR CRIMES AGAINST THE NATIONAL INTELLECT!!!

By the way, the two million people who watch that excremental suburban banality should be set on fire for their lack of imagination or taste. Gormless fucks! I’m serious, I fucking hate you all!

The Truth About Sex Addiction.

Posted in Random Shit That Gives Me The Cunt with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 31, 2010 by Buck Frain

So, I finally awoke from my annual turkey-induced Christmas coma to find that my dreams had been shattered. Fuck you very much, God, you fictional fuck! Disillusionment will be the constant companion of the idealist and the romantic and the sad fucking truth of 2010 is that, contrary to my last post, Tiger Woods did not escape for an unapologetic, cashed-up, blokey booze cruise. No! Like a pussy-whipped billionaire soft-cock he checked himself into REHAB for his SEX ADDICTION!!! 

All I can say is FUCK YOU TIGER WOODS YOU PISS-WEAK CUNT!!! I’m sorry folks, sex addiction is not real. Santa Claus, Easter Bunny and the The Tooth Fairy might be for all I know but I’ll tell you 100% sex addiction is a crock of bullshit cooked up three groups of people:

  1. Tight-arse-rich-bastards-sans-integrity trying to minimise the damage of an otherwise costly divorce,
  2. No-sex-getting-loser-douche-bags jealous of the amount of sex other people are getting, and:
  3. Right-wing-churchy-extremists who’d rather everyone think of sexuality as a disease and spend their money in church instead of on good times. 

Don’t believe me, you moaning fucks? Well here’s the real deal: 

  1. We are animals! I know what the book of genesis says but just shove that pile of shit up your arse for one second and look at the less self-aggrandising truth for one cunting moment. We. ARE. Animals. Yes, we’ve got some pretty cool tricks we can do but we are just the latest model chimpanzee.
  2. We are governed by the same rules as all other animals. What this means to the uninitiated is that like any other animal (or plant or fungus for that matter), like any other living thing, our sole purpose for being is to reproduce and pass on our genetic material to another generation. Dress it up anyway you want and take it to church on weekends if it makes you feel better but that is really it. Money? Means to an end! Fame? Means to an end! Lots of degress? Nice house in the suburbs? Playing in a rock band? Virtuous lifestyle helping others? All of them means to the same end – reproduction. Most people mistake this primal drive for a way-more-cool-and-non-freedom-threatening desire for sex but this is just humans over-thinking our own biology and fooling ourselves into believing there’s something more sophisticated going on. There isn’t!
  3. You cannot be ADDICTED to your primary function as a being. You might be able to be addicted to, and even cured of addiction to, a wide variety of things, however, you can’t be cured of being what you are except, that is, by death. 

Sex addiction by definition is completely absurd. Men fuck. It’s the only function we were ever specifically designed to perform. Sucktittygrowfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckdie. That’s the male’s life, the rest is just set dressing – yes, girls, it is that simple and any man who tells you there’s more to it is probably trying to fuck you. I acknowledge that the female life is a little more complex and I certainly won’t presume to sum it up in one sentence, especially seeing as I have my own reason for living to try and protect. 

I’m not saying I don’t believe in love and I’m not saying I don’t believe in marriage or society, however, we need to acknowledge that at least the last two of these are artificial, human constructs. They are flawed and fitting our animal selves into their intellectual sterility seamlessly may require a few more millennia of evolution and/or a rethink of the constructs themselves. In the meantime if, like Tiger, David Duchovny, Michael Douglas and a host of rich-liars-who-can’t-keep-their-dicks-out-of-women-they’re-not-married-to, you have problems with fidelity here are your options: accept it and pay the price …or… stop. There’s no need for a fucking intervention, no need for rehab or therapy, it’s pretty fucking easy, it’s totally fucking binary, fuck whoever you want and deal with the consequences or just fuck who you’re supposed to. The whole notion of addiction here is ridiculous. The only purpose this stupid charade serves is to save money in the divorce settlement by pretending you’re some kind of victim. 

Oh, Your Honour, have pity on me. I just can’t stop fucking all these beautiful women…have mercy on me, I’m the victim here…I just have to have the supermodel threeways…I’m cursed! 

Don’t brag in my court, fucko! Pay the lady for the betrayal and humiliation! 

I am disappointed for men that this is happening. It’s just imasculating for us as a gender. Tiger Woods and all his sex-addicted mates need to man-up and admit it. Yep, sorry baby, I been doin’ a fuckload of fucking. You wanna forgive me in the hope I’ll change  or…would you like to take the cash?

Sure they’d lose a bit of money but they can fucking afford it and what they’re losing in order to save a paltry couple of hundred million dollars is far more precious – manhood. They’re chopping down the proud upstanding cock of their own manhoods in the name of saving money they don’t need. It is so pitifully fucked I’d rather see them euthanased than reduced to such miserable excuses for men! 

If Tiger Woods can’t survive on half a billion dollars and still smile I question whether, despite all the fucking, he really has any balls at all.

Get Some Privacy For Christmas!

Posted in Human Stupidity with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 22, 2009 by Buck Frain

With his marriage in tatters, a gaggle of money-grubbing slappers circling for their 15-nano-seconds-of-fame-with-accompanying-media-stipend and sponsors running for the hills because they can’t see the Woods for the sleaze, golfing titan Tiger Woods is heading for the high seas. And who the fuck can blame him? Not me, Jim-lad, that’s for cunting sure! 

I’ve been watching this media car crash for the last couple of weeks and I have silently listened to all the banal water-cooler conversations about how his wife should take him to the cleaners; his sponsors should all ditch him; how he shouldn’t be allowed to play golf because he’s such an evil human being and how surprising it all is seeing as he never looked like one of those guys who does that sort of thing

What sort of thing? Fucking? OK so rich, attractive, athlete at the top of his game, the best in his field in the entire world? And he’s fucking a lot? Whoa! How could this possibly happen? 

Jesus fucking Christ! I feel like I’m losing my mind! WHO THE FUCK CARES??? I know I regularly rip shit out of  sportos for being reprehensible pieces of shit but this is different. He has broken no law. The girls were all legal and consenting. For me this is pretty fucking simple – LEAVE HIM THE FUCK ALONE! He may be a crap husband but really that’s between him and his wife. Public figure or not, I don’t give a shit, it’s no other motherfucker’s business and no-one else in the entire world has any right to feel one way or the other about it SO JUST SHUT YOUR STINKING HOLES AND FUCKING DIE!!! 

I feel for Tiger and I don’t know what’s worse, realising that when you’re rich everyone sees you as nothing more than a meal ticket, having your mum tell the tabloids she’s angry and devastated by what’s going on in/out of your marriage or having a notorious wanker like Boris Becker come in faux support of you. Fuck all that for a game of soldiers! I reckon Tiger’s got the right idea – load the boat full of booze, grab a few  mates and get the shit out of there. Maybe go to the Bahamas or anywhere you can get enormous drinks with umbrellas and fruit sticking out of them and ridiculously big joints, somewhere people are living their lives enough that they’ll leave you alone to do the cunting same.

 

I’m just glad that the PGA Tour still saw fit to award him Player Of The Year. Ah, who the fuck else would they give it to? He even plays a mean game of golf! Merry Christmas Tiger Woods!

 

Merry Christmas to the rest of you as well…except the cunts out there I don’t like – FUCK YOU GUYS!!! I’m putting snow on my blog. I don’t know why, it’ll probably shit people off but fuck it, it’ll be gone soon and Australia’s fucking hot over Christmas so I need all the cool I can get.

Hey Hey WHAT century are we living in?

Posted in Shit That Sucks & Blows with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 8, 2009 by Buck Frain

This is what passes for entertainment in Australia. It was on national TV last night and today the media is awash with debate about whether or not it constituted racism. The general consensus from the bogan masses of this country seems to be that everyone should get a sense of humour and have good old brain-dead laugh at it all. I tend to think that if you don’t believe it was racist, YOU ARE A RACIST! You may not be burning crosses, wearing pillow cases on your head or trying to murder people but you’re a lousy racist sack of shit all the same.

Some Australians seem to be under the misapprehension that if they think something funny, that perception of humour cancels out any perception of racism experienced by anyone else. IT CUNTING WELL DOESN’T! It’s the sort of boozy logic that leads footy players to think that because they want the girl she automatically wants all of them. She may have thought she was gang-raped but that was just her being a bad sport and she should really get over it. If she wasn’t so uptight she’d admit that in fact she had a great time. 

Too much? Let’s look at it seriously. What is funny about the above skit? There was no amazing choreographic homage; there was no satirical reworking of MJ’s lyrics. It was white people dressed in black face and an Indian guy who says he’s never been called racist in his life (because if your skin is brown you can’t possibly be racist, can you?) dressed in white face. These shining members of the Australian medical profession – yes, these are educated Australians – have gone two for one, compounding racism with bad taste. Perhaps the best value in the sewer this week. Perhaps not. 

But it was just a bit of fun. 

Really? Take away the make up and what do you have? Oh yeah, nothing! That was the act. That was the gag.

It’s funny because they’re white guys who are pretending to be black! See, that guy’s face is painted white because MJ was black but he looked white! He’s pretending to be a black guy who’s self-mutilating to make himself look like a white guy due to his deep self-hatred, a legacy left over from an abusive childhood! Aaaaaaaaahahahahahahaha get me another pair of pants! That’s gold!

FUCK YOU!!! 

Australia is a very racist country. We don’t like to think of ourselves as racist but that’s just denial. Refer to the last 221 years. We usually hide it behind a mask of humour nowadays but that doesn’t make it any less ignorant or wrong. Pretending it’s all matesy Aah, you ol’ black bastard, ya! doesn’t remove the degradation, humiliation or inherent violence from it. It just makes you feel better about being a cunt. Racism hurts people and divides society. It is ugly and absurd. If you want to make racist jokes with your racist mates, don’t fucking well do it in public, keep that feral shit to yourself! 

I do have a sense of humour but I fail to see anything funny about a plastic surgeon making racist jokes with his rich doctor mates on national TV insulting a recently deceased legend who was plagued with the sort of psychological problems that keep said plastic surgeon and his industry in business. At the very least it was in extremely poor taste but if we’re truly honest with ourselves we have to acknowledge it as bare-faced racism and spurn it as such. Fuck you, Channel 9 for approving this shit for broadcast! Fuck you, Hey Hey It’s Saturday, for being a shitty, out-dated dog turd of a show recycling 20 year old bigotry. Fuck you, redneck bogan wankers of Australia, who are too stupid to realise you are racist scum-sucking cretins! FUCKING DIE!!!

Australian_racism 

To Harry Connick Jr, respect! Nice work calling it like it is and having the balls to go against the grain in a foreign land.

Frain on Film – Eat Some!

Posted in Things Rank And Gross In Nature with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 20, 2009 by Buck Frain

OK, so I’ve been pretty absent of late and today I’m trading boundless rage for shameless self-promotion but there is a time for everything.

A most excellent Melbourne film maker, Craig Fox, has adapted my post about The Jesus Spoon into a short film starring none other than Ian Smith, best known for his role as Harold on Neighbours.

ian_smith_jesus_spoon

I’ve seen the film and it’s a fucking champion so I urge all you lovers of film, Frain, Jesus and/or dog shit to logon to the I.F. Awards and support independent film by voting for this haunting tale of youth and culinary experimentation.

Thanks for your support and I’ll write again soon…something’s bound to shit me off pretty soon!

NO NO NO NO NO!!!

Posted in Things Rank And Gross In Nature with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 8, 2009 by Buck Frain

No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

 puzzlebox

People are twisted and people are stupid and some people are just completely fucked. Kes, you bastard, you sent me a truly horrible link. I have no words other than NO! I am really regretting my own curiosity, I feel very unwell. The internet is a stupid, ugly place filled with puerile depravity.

 

If someone presented you with a Hellraiser puzzle box, would you try to solve it?  This link recently sent to me by a complete bastard, is just such a thing, except you don’t need any puzzle-solving abilities. If you haven’t heard about jarsquatter, be warned – IT IS FUCKING WRONG! YOU WILL NOT LIKE IT! I DO NOT LIKE IT! IF YOU CLICK THE LINK AND DON’T LIKE IT, DON’T BLAME ME BECAUSE I’VE ALREADY TOLD YOU IT’S VERY, VERY NASTY!

 

So why did I post it then? I don’t know…

  1. I haven’t had much time so it’s been a while since I wrote anything
  2. Seeing this really fucked up my calm today
  3. I’m a cunt and thought I’d share my nausea.

Have a nice day!

Free Vegan Porn!!!

Posted in Things Rank And Gross In Nature with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 27, 2008 by Buck Frain

I’m interrupting the important series on share-house living to bring you this important bulletin. I have discovered a new and exciting genre in the diverse realm that is pornography – VEGAN PORN!!!

I felt it was only fitting to try and give something to all those people who have stumbled onto this site looking for wank fodder and have felt ripped off because it was all just obscene language and spite.

Vegan porn is pretty out there but it is new and entirely meat-free  with no connection whatsoever with animal products or flesh of any kind. I have included two examples from my own extensive vegan porn library and I can safely say that no animals were in anyway involved in its production, unless I count because I took the photos and I’m made of meat.

My first example is this nubile, barely-legal, virgin poppy. Ooh yeah, she’s young and she’s gagging for it.

 

And my second is this one below – my favourite TILF (Tree I’d Like to Fuck) Just look at this mucky old slapper, she’s bang up for it any old time! This dirty old bitch has been around and seen it all – just count the rings!!!   

 

You people are fuckin’ sick, they’re plants! JESUS!!! No, seriously, I don’t judge anyone for their sexual orientation. Whatever floats your boat – ya sick fucks! By the way, if anyone has any more vegan porn whether it’s floraginas, cuntrees or rootable fruits, I’d be really interested in it – from a purely academic standpoint, you understand. Please send all herbaceous whacking material to buck.frain@gmail.com  If it’s any good I may even post it here – I’ll credit you, of course! Stay freaky!

Australian Supervisor – Banality TV or just another s#!t job?

Posted in Tales From Hell with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 25, 2008 by Buck Frain

Some are born mediocre, some achieve mediocrity and some have mediocrity thrust upon ‘em. 

Oh, for simplicity. Life has become a cheesy, unkempt socialist minge clamped suffocatingly over my red-wine-hungover face. Why, for the love of mercy, can’t I die in my sleep? Why don’t angry gang members just randomly shoot me while I’m buying coffee? I apologise, dear reader, for the infrequency of my entries of late but life my has taken an hitherto unprecedented turn for the feculently absurd.

My evil mouth-breathing minotaur of a boss called me into her office at the end of the week. She was terribly excited and that scared the living fuck out of me. If L.F. is happy about anything then either Creed are in town or something else is very wrong in the world. Indeed it was the latter.

She’d called me in to offer me the opportunity of vying for a promotion. Not to offer me one but to tell me I was now part of a bizarre selection process that appears like a cruel and unusual punishment in itself, for a position that no right-minded person would want in the first place.

They want a new supervisor. Supervisors are the pitiful wastes of humanity who oversee phoneroom work but have no real power except their own bitterness. So The Wobblers have selected four of the more literate and socially presentable interviewers, myself oddly included, to train as Team Leaders (Team Leaders are the people who listen to the calls that you agree to being listened to when bastards like me phone you) for a couple of months, at the end of which one of us would win* and be the new supervisor. She actually said win, I can’t wait for the day my doctor tells me I’ve won cancer.

The only thing I could think as she described this absurdity was that I should immediately call Channel 31 and tell them to get some RMIT students over here to turn it into a reality TV show called Australian Supervisor. It would be brilliant, the briefings and meetings with all their many office sub-plots streaming off. The learning of the ropes, the discussions about  troublesome interviewers, the monitoring the calls between interviewers and the general public, the confessions as we cry about having to reprimand our former comrades over petty transgressions, the patronising analyses of L.F. and the other supers as they rate us against one another. Of course the reality TV version would be much more exciting than the actual reality as the public would be able to vote on us and someone other than ourselves would bear witness to this pitiful existence. The sad banality is far more hopeless, but to my own surprise, after a little resistance, I accepted the offer. I tried to shrug it off initially but L.F. really wanted me to do it, any reasonable employer would have fired me on the spot for my lack of gratitude and work ethic.

Gee, I don’t know. The good thing about interviewing is I can leave for a week or two and still have a job when I come back. Can I still do that as a supervisor?

Well, …yes. I’d need notice but …yes, that’s fine.

How much extra do I earn an hour for all this?

Well, initially…not much…but the successful applicant will make $ 😦

You know, that’s not very much for being accountable for stuff?

Yes, but you’ll find this is a gateway position in the organisation and you could go from here to anywhere if you work hard enough…

What a cuntful pack of bullshit. The words market research and career should not end up in the same sentence together…ever! I should have dropped my trousers in front of her and snapped off a big steaming shit right on her desk before walking away forever, but I didn’t. I listened to the bullshit, I nodded and smiled and I acquiesced. I deluded myself that I would defiantly take the system for all I could at any opportunity, but really…?

In truth, I just sold out. I’m a weak piece of shit the same as all the many people I despise. Fuck, I hate myself, but sadly looking down the barrel of the continued mindless tedium of interviewing, I couldn’t say no. I am such a whore, but like a convict faced with the choice between continued incarceration or parole into an unforgiving world of prejudiced oppression and at-best minimum wage slavery, I chose parole. At least it breaks the tedium, I’ll still be a casual worker with no penalty rates or paid holidays, sick leave or job security, but at least the shifts are longer. Fuck me, who’d have thought I’d ever want to spend more time in that shit-hole than I already do?

If anyone knows how to make bombs out of paper clips and photocopier toner please email the recipe to buck.frain@gmail.com .

 

*She didn’t tell us what would happen to the three applicants who lose, does it not seem strange that none of us actually asked that?

You Wouldn’t Steal A Car – Rip & Burnout!

Posted in Wankers In Denial with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 6, 2008 by Buck Frain

DVD copyright warnings. What the cat-fisting Jesus is with all the warnings? I mean, I go to the shop and buy a DVD. I fucking well BUY it! I take it home and before I’m allowed to watch the fucking thing that I own for fuck’s sake I have to sit through a warning about what will happen if I steal, copy or profit from its piracy. I fucking own it and I have to put up with this accusatory bullshit before I can watch what I legally own! It’s not even like the good old VHS days when you could fast forward through all the shit to get to the good stuff, you have to watch it. And not just once! When you’ve got through one warning you then get a lame-arsed commercial to crappy warning music with fast edits flashing slogans telling you: You wouldn’t steal a car! You wouldn’t steal a handbag! and a whole bunch of other shit so Don’t steal movies! and Movie piracy is stealing! and blah blah shit shit shit. WHAT THE FUCK??? I CUNTING WELL OWN IT, YOU DRIBBLING, SYPHILLITIC NOB-ENDS!!! Even if I didn’t own it, even if I’d just rented it from the fucking video store, isn’t it a bit presumptuous to assume I’m going to want to steal it before I’ve even watched the cunting thing? For fuck’s sake, what if it sucks? Why the fuck would I steal a turd?

 

Having bought Season 3 of The Mighty Boosh and put it in my player, part-way through the multiple warnings I’ll have to watch every time I want to view the DVD, I got so fucked off I just stood up and stomped my coffee table to pieces Eh, master-race IKEA bullshit, I always despised you anyway! took the pieces out into my courtyard, doused them in lighter fluid and incinerated them. I felt a little better and as the flames of triumphant fury warmed my face I started thinking about why the DVD companies should feel the need to have so many warnings cluttering up their shit.

 

Why? Fucking why have multiple warnings about piracy before and after films as well as all over the packaging? DVDs I’ve bought from the USA have FBI warnings on them for shit’s sake! Watch out, bitches, the fuckin’ feds are comin’ to bust yo punk ass!!! It all seems a pretty heavy-handed policy of intimidation but it’s all undone by the commercials with their imploring consumers to do the right thing. To the untrained eye it would appear almost as though they’re trying to prevent something they have absolutely no control over, you know, like when kittens puff all their fur up and walk sideways in an attempt to look frightening. Except, of course, kittens are cute and they don’t prevent you watching movies you’ve paid for with a never-ending stream of pissing and moaning about what they’ll do to you if you avoid their copy-protection systems with easily-available freeware applications and burn exact digital replicas of their product rather than forking out ridiculous amounts of money for an obsolete media format. Well, be realistic, if they did you’d just lock them in the kitchen and sit down and enjoy your movie without them.

 

You wouldn’t steal a car! Well, let’s think about that: If I could steal it by cheaply making an exact replica so I’d have exactly the same car but the owner wouldn’t know I’d done it nor would he lose any benefit of his car and I’d probably never ever get caught for it- fuck it, wouldn’t I steal it? Of course I fucking would! I’d have a yard full of faux-Ferraris, Lamborghinis, you fucking name it, I’d never watch a fucking movie again!

 

If anyone has software for copying furniture please e-mail me, I need to pirate a coffee table, I’ve been spending too much money on DVDs!

You’re so vain, you probably think I’m trying to kill you.

Posted in Human Stupidity with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 3, 2008 by Buck Frain

 

People are far, far more stupid than I had realised. It’s days like this where I despair for the human race and just want the cockroaches to take over – I doubt they’d do a worse job. I know I’m not the most charitable chap when it comes to evaluating the average intelligence of my species, but I think even I may have been overly generous thus far.

 

I read this article today and I’ve been hearing similar bulletins all over the radio warning the mobile phone owners of Australia not to respond to a text message scam saying:

 

Someone paid me to kill you. If you want me to spare you, I give you 2 days to pay 5000 dollars. If you inform the police or anybody, you will die, I am monitoring you.

 

How fucking stupid are you? If you’re enough of a douche bag to fall for that, you deserve not only to lose your money but to be beaten with a sledgehammer, dragged behind a car, chewed by wild dogs and set on fire. WAKE THE FUCK UP!!! How many hitmen tell you they’re going to kill you? How many hitmen ruin their own professional image by letting clients buy them off? How many hitmen can be bought off by clients for a meager $5000? I mean, how much was the cunt hired for in the first place? A bag of weed and some 2-minute noodles? What the shit-streaked pants are you thinking?

 

So…have you crawled out from under the bed yet? Will you be able to sleep tonight? If you’re still scared just ask yourself this: Who the fuck are you that someone would want you dead and feel strongly enough about it to spend money getting it done? Be honest now. No-one. Not one single person gives that much of a fuck about your imbecilic arse, do they? In fact, if you died tomorrow in your apartment, it would be a couple of weeks before the neighbours complained about the stench – that’s the truth, isn’t it? Yeah! So just shut the shit-eating-fuck up and relax!

 

If you’ve had a text message like the one above and after reading all this you’re still worried, please contact me at buck.frain@gmail.com  Include your address and when you’re likely to be home and, when I have time, I’ll make a special trip over to kick the living cunt out of you for being a stupid sack of self-absorbed shit. With all my heart: GET FUCKED!!!