Archive for Kyle Sandilands

10 People I’d Love To Smash – #10

Posted in 10 People I'd Love To Smash with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 22, 2008 by Buck Frain

#10: Kyle Sandilands


If you took a spiteful, cowardly, metrosexual cane toad and dressed it up with a faux mo and a designer beard you’d have something resembling Kyle Sandilands – Australia’s Littlest Fat-Cunt. Loathing is not nearly a strong enough word to describe the feeling I have towards him. 

When interviewed on Enough Rope last year, speaking of his childhood, he painted himself as a superficial, materialistic child who fantasised about being rich, cut out pictures of crystal vases and put them in a scrap book. Now, that’s just fuckin’ creepy!

Then the traumatic tale of how he’d spent time living on the street after being kicked out of his comfortable middle-class existence by mum and step-dad for throwing a miniature Corey Delaney party when they went away. This, I’m sure, was the bit where we were supposed to see the vulnerable, human Kyle. All I saw was an angry little turd who went off half-cocked at his parents, who were rightly pissed at him, and has used that as justification for all the nastiness he’s felt inclined to inflict on the world ever since. Emotionally, it’s clear he never moved past this incident and is still an angsty, self-absorbed, attention-seeking teenager at heart. Unfortunately for everyone else in the country, instead of doing adolescent stuff like spray-painting “fuck” on a wall, he’s got a national audience and he can carve it into people’s souls with his cruel pranks and insults. 

On radio, he rapes ordinary people’s lives with no regard for the personal, emotional carnage left in his wake, and all in the name of ratings. On Australian Idol he mostly sticks to attacking girls about their physical appearance. I mean, fuck – he doesn’t know anything about music so what else is there to do? He gets paid enormous amounts of money for this, for bullying women. Why? Maybe because that’s what Australians want. I don’t know, maybe we want to see girls being bullied, maybe that’s what our society has come to – misogynist rage. 

Predictably, like all piss-weak, soft-cock, woman beaters, he never takes responsibility for his actions and he can’t take it when he’s the one copping the abuse. I will always love comedian Dave Hughes for calling him a dickhead at the Logies! Kyle snapped the carrot, repeating whenever he got the opportunity how he would punch Hughesy in the throat. Ooh, hard man! In the throat! Tough guy! He even said he was happy to do jail time pay it off, hmm, does little Kylie just want to be a big-man’s bitch? At any rate, Hughesy would kick Kyle’s stupid arse and, you know, I’d pay to see that shit, for sure.

Most recently, Kyle has had a go at TV host/ comedian/ producer/ good bloke/ icon Rove McManus. Not to his face, like a man. Not with any fear of a reply – no, leave nothing to chance, weaklings. After a phone conversation on radio with Rove – The Cane Toad slagged him off after hanging up! GROW SOME BALLS, YOU LITTLE FAT FUCK! 

Kyle Sandilands’ entire career is built upon bullying, lowbrow abuse and exploiting people from his position of power, be it as shock-jock or TV personality. Winner of Who Weekly Most Hated Man, FHM Tosser of the Year, Fugly Awards Worst Male Personality on TV, he isn’t smart, witty or funny, he’s just a sadistic child with a magnifying glass. He is devoid of empathy, he has nasty small hands and I wish I could chop him up and sell him for his blood and organs. 

I would love to smash Kyle Sandilands. Fuck you, Kyle, I hope you’re in therapy and I pray your therapist is convincing you that suicide is a valid option because, for you, IT IS!!!