Archive for Fuckedness

Australia Post – Dirty Pirate Bastards.

Posted in Shit That Sucks & Blows with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 4, 2010 by Buck Frain

So Australia Post are a bunch of cunts! This may not be news to some people but it twatted me squarely between the eyes today.  I wish there was something other than whinging I could do about it but there isn’t so I’m just going to sit here being as fucked-off as hell…again. What’s new? 

I went into the post office to get a document certified as a “true copy” today. There are an arseload of locations I could quite easily have chosen to get this done but, as I would have to post the document after, I felt it would be quicker to get it all done in the one place. What I found out when I got there was that on 15th February this year Australia Post had started charging $3.95 per page for this service. A service which had been free until then and continues to be free everywhere else it is provided. 

I asked why the fee had been introduced and was met with an insipid smile and a vaguely uncomfortable I don’t know

I left the post office muttering to myself and walked down the street to the chemist where they happily certified my document without charge. In gratitude I put a couple of coins in the Salvation Army tin on the counter. I like them at the chemist. I wish I could have posted my letters there. 

I marched back into the post office and glared at the postal worker in the hope that my glaring alone would either penetrate his soul causing him to take up arms against the management of Australia Post and start a postal-worker revolution OR maybe just cause him to drop dead from a deeply-felt social remorse. My glaring powers seem to be in need of a bit of work. I paid the postage on my letter and walked outside to post it and swear to myself some more.

WHAT THE FUCK??? It used to be that the post office was there to serve the public. To provide valuable services. To help. I have no issue with anyone making a living but let’s be quite fucking honest. THIS IS SHIT!!! Australia Post is a self-funded, Government-owned organisation. They hold a monopoly over the postal service in Australia and have for the last few years been posting record profits. Furthermore, they have approval from the ACCC to put up the price of stamps to 60 cents later this year. WHAT THE FUCK DO THEY NEED MORE MONEY FOR??? The certification of documents is an important service. Is this fee a bid to simply not provide this courtesy to the community anymore by encouraging people to go somewhere they can get it for free, or is it a cynical plan to exploit even more money out of a captive market seeing as everyone has to go there eventually if they want to post their stuff? Either way it is a thoroughly reprehensible piece of corporate malignancy. 

FUCK YOU, AUSTRALIA POST!!! This decision is mean-spirited, exploitative and downright cunting well fucked! $3.95 PER CUNTING PAGE!!! IT’S DAYLIGHT FUCKING ROBBERY!!! Whoever came up with this idea is an evil shit-licker and my dearest wish is that they should die bleeding out of their arse in a tank full of hungry sharks. Tomorrow. On TV. CUNTS!!! ARSE!!! FUCK!!!

Hey Hey WHAT century are we living in?

Posted in Shit That Sucks & Blows with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 8, 2009 by Buck Frain

This is what passes for entertainment in Australia. It was on national TV last night and today the media is awash with debate about whether or not it constituted racism. The general consensus from the bogan masses of this country seems to be that everyone should get a sense of humour and have good old brain-dead laugh at it all. I tend to think that if you don’t believe it was racist, YOU ARE A RACIST! You may not be burning crosses, wearing pillow cases on your head or trying to murder people but you’re a lousy racist sack of shit all the same.

Some Australians seem to be under the misapprehension that if they think something funny, that perception of humour cancels out any perception of racism experienced by anyone else. IT CUNTING WELL DOESN’T! It’s the sort of boozy logic that leads footy players to think that because they want the girl she automatically wants all of them. She may have thought she was gang-raped but that was just her being a bad sport and she should really get over it. If she wasn’t so uptight she’d admit that in fact she had a great time. 

Too much? Let’s look at it seriously. What is funny about the above skit? There was no amazing choreographic homage; there was no satirical reworking of MJ’s lyrics. It was white people dressed in black face and an Indian guy who says he’s never been called racist in his life (because if your skin is brown you can’t possibly be racist, can you?) dressed in white face. These shining members of the Australian medical profession – yes, these are educated Australians – have gone two for one, compounding racism with bad taste. Perhaps the best value in the sewer this week. Perhaps not. 

But it was just a bit of fun. 

Really? Take away the make up and what do you have? Oh yeah, nothing! That was the act. That was the gag.

It’s funny because they’re white guys who are pretending to be black! See, that guy’s face is painted white because MJ was black but he looked white! He’s pretending to be a black guy who’s self-mutilating to make himself look like a white guy due to his deep self-hatred, a legacy left over from an abusive childhood! Aaaaaaaaahahahahahahaha get me another pair of pants! That’s gold!

FUCK YOU!!! 

Australia is a very racist country. We don’t like to think of ourselves as racist but that’s just denial. Refer to the last 221 years. We usually hide it behind a mask of humour nowadays but that doesn’t make it any less ignorant or wrong. Pretending it’s all matesy Aah, you ol’ black bastard, ya! doesn’t remove the degradation, humiliation or inherent violence from it. It just makes you feel better about being a cunt. Racism hurts people and divides society. It is ugly and absurd. If you want to make racist jokes with your racist mates, don’t fucking well do it in public, keep that feral shit to yourself! 

I do have a sense of humour but I fail to see anything funny about a plastic surgeon making racist jokes with his rich doctor mates on national TV insulting a recently deceased legend who was plagued with the sort of psychological problems that keep said plastic surgeon and his industry in business. At the very least it was in extremely poor taste but if we’re truly honest with ourselves we have to acknowledge it as bare-faced racism and spurn it as such. Fuck you, Channel 9 for approving this shit for broadcast! Fuck you, Hey Hey It’s Saturday, for being a shitty, out-dated dog turd of a show recycling 20 year old bigotry. Fuck you, redneck bogan wankers of Australia, who are too stupid to realise you are racist scum-sucking cretins! FUCKING DIE!!!

Australian_racism 

To Harry Connick Jr, respect! Nice work calling it like it is and having the balls to go against the grain in a foreign land.

11 Shit Things That Make Share-House Living Suck – #11

Posted in 11 Shit Things That Make Share-house Living Suck. with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 23, 2008 by Buck Frain

pennywise

#11. Other People’s Psychos

 

So, you’re a pretty good judge of character, huh? You’ve been around the share-house world long enough to know a few probing questions to ask of potentials, you’ve read books on body language and psychology and you know how to pick house-mates. Good work. Congratulations! You may well be great at telling what sort of people you want living in your house but how the fuck can you tell what sort of people they let into their lives? Ah, you didn’t think about that did you?

 

With every house-mate who’s not a complete nut-job-loner themselves, comes a horde of acquaintances, friends and relatives, some of whom may or may not be completely unhinged. And the best thing is that you’ll never know until you experience them first hand.

 

It’s 11:30pm I answer the door to a mournful, unsunned, waif.

 

Is Stephen in?

 

Stephen. Maybe I should have known. He wasn’t much of a ladies man but I didn’t think he was this depressed.

 

No, he’s…

 

I’ll just wait for him!

 

Stephen’s bedroom door slammed shut behind her. I was still standing at the door amazed at the nimble stealth that had propelled her under my arm and up the hallway. This definitely wasn’t a good sign. Welcome friends don’t scam their way in like that. No, this was bad. This was really, really bad. I’d let a complete stranger, a very sketchy-looking complete stranger into my housemate’s bedroom. Bad. Bad. Bad.

 

I shut the front door in case she was just the first of a legion of emo-zombies ravenous for the taste of non-suicidal brains. She’d only been in my house for seconds and already my will to live was ebbing away. I phoned Stephen and described his visitor.

 

You cunt, why did you let her in?

 

I fucking didn’t! She just dodged past me. Who the fuck does that?

 

Well, tell her to get out.

 

Fuck you, cunt, you get her to go, she’s your fucking girlfriend!

 

SHE’S NOT MY FUCKING GIRLFRIEND! WHAT’S SHE FUCKING DOING? FUCK!!!

 

He hung up. The girl had locked herself in his room and wouldn’t answer me when I tried to speak to her. This was becoming a cuntfully unpleasant scenario. Stephen rang back and swore at me and told me he wasn’t coming home for a couple of days in the hope she’d just leave. I told him he was piss-weak and that her being in our house at all was unacceptable, let alone for a few days, that she had locked herself in his room, wasn’t coming out and wasn’t talking, and that if he didn’t get his stupid arse home and get rid of her I would call the police. I added that if they got her out and he wasn’t back it was my firm intent to have a shit in his bed.

 

The police indeed came, they had to break the bedroom door to get in. The silly bitch had taken a bunch of pills and was unconscious in a big pile of vomit on his bed. The vomit made me feel a bit better about the situation. The ambulance came and they took her off to hospital and, yes, she was fine, and yes it may be sad and I don’t mean to treat suicide lightly but that wasn’t what this was. She wasn’t trying to kill herself, it turns out she just does this shit! This was her fucking schtick! Her equivalent to a shitting chat-up line, if you will! When she likes someone she has a bit of a failed-suicide at their house to illicit sympathy and create emotional ties based on a shared crisis and the lay foundations for a chronically unhealthy relationship. Personally I think she should fucking top herself, everyone would be better off, she’d be happier and, really, it’s not like the planet’s short of people, is it?

 

That’s just one story, though, there are fucking psychos everywhere. If you’re not already, you should be terrified…of everyone…all the time – people are fucked! A former house-mate of mine had a friend who seemed fine, just like a normal bloke…except…he liked to shit in weird places. You’d get up after having had a party the night before and you’d find a massive human turd in the driveway…or on the balcony…OR IN THE FUCKING FRIDGE!!! We thought someone had a serious grudge against one of us but then it started happening to people we knew at their parties as well. There was a phantom shitter at large. It took years of freak-outs and an eventual triangulation between circles of friends to work out that it was Cam and he just likes to pinch one off at parties– like it was some kind of satanic house-warming gift. Hey, he wasn’t my fucking friend!

 

There was the six months after Dion moved out when we realised that he’d been dealing speed the whole time because his crazy, junkie, scum-bag clients kept coming ‘round in the middle of the night to score.

 

Then there was Trish, she was a kinda cool rock-chick but her hardcore-militant-feminist friends made Romper Stomper look like Sesame Street and made me put a massive cunting lock on my bedroom door for fear of being emasculated in my sleep.

romper_stomper 

So that’s it – 11 shit things that make share-house living suck! My hand is a lot better, I still live on my own, I will continue to do so and, Peter, you’re still a pathetic ballbag! People, don’t be fooled – Bill Hicks was right about human beings – We’re a virus with shoes! People are completely fucked and if you’ve any sense at all you won’t live with any of them, EVER!!!