Archive for Football

Sometimes The Thing’s The Thing.

Posted in Boof-head Sporto Fuckwits with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 29, 2009 by Buck Frain

OK. No! I’m wrong! I apologise. I take it all back.

My post from yesterday, forget about it, I think I’ve got it all terribly wrong. Maybe the Queensland Government has got the right idea. Maybe if some thing is a problem, rather than trying to change human behaviour making it a problem we should just remove the thing.

This story is everywhere at the moment and is just the latest in a horrendous trend of male Australian sportsmen, particularly footballers from various codes, raping or otherwise assaulting women 

These guys are completely fucked. Two girls were lured back to a holiday house rented by football players from the Montmorency Football Club for an end-of-year-get-shitfaced-and rape-some-chicks trip. Once they were there and realised they were the only girls at the party, they were allegedly forced into separate bedrooms, wardrobes were used to bar the doors to prevent the girls’ escape and then they were allegedly raped by up to 16 players for several hours. They only escaped in the morning when a brawl erupted between the allegedly stinking drunken animals. 

These men should be lined up, shot, and fed to pigs. 

The Montmorency Football Club should be shut down. Fuck off, who needs you? You’re not a sports club you’re a training ground for criminals and deviates. It appears that someone at the club tried to hire a XXX stripper for the team to have a crack at “no limits” style about a month ago, but it also looks as though their budget wasn’t going to stretch that far, so I guess they just thought they’d grab some freebies. 

montmorencyfc

As a guy I’m reticent to suggest this under any circumstances ever but if we just cut the dicks and balls off all football players (yes, all of them) we can stop this insidious menace to the women of Australia. I hope you don’t think I’m being flippant, I’m not. I think this is the best possible solution and it will instantly stop the problem permanently. Cut all their dicks off. The dicks are the problem. Footballers are stupid so all the education in the world would be a wasted exercise – just look at Sam Newman, he still hasn’t learnt. I say chop ‘em all off.

Footy player?

Oh, Yeah.

Alright we’re cutting your cock off!

But why? I’m a nice guy.

Tough shit, can’t take any chances, you play footy, you’re obviously a fuckwit and probably a rapist given enough booze and a gee-up from your mates. It’s coming off. Get over it.

Oh…OK…Can I still play footy?

Yeah, but you’ll look funny when you run.

Simple as that! Cut off all their dicks and you’ll solve it all forever. They can’t be trusted to use their dicks properly so they shouldn’t be allowed to have them. And seriously, fuck knows they’re not doing the gene pool any favours. There’s no loss here. Human kind can do better.

10 People I’d Love To Smash

Posted in 10 People I'd Love To Smash with tags , , , , , on April 12, 2008 by Buck Frain

I the name of being more regular with my postings I am embarking on a ten part series about some of the people who, in a world without legal repercussions or moral dilemmas, I’d really enjoy exacting physical violence upon.

 

I’ll apologise up front to my international readers for the Australo-centric nature of this list. I have one or two candidates who everyone should recognize and I’ll endeavour to include enough links with the others that you can come to some understanding of my wrath.

 

If you have a special someone you think should be included in this list, you’re welcome to either comment below or email me at buck.frain@gmail.com Whilst I’m pretty happy with my ten, I’m quite willing to believe I may have overlooked someone more deserving of divine fury.

 

I’ll also make the disclaimer: I will not be including any politicians. When thinking about the list I almost filled it entirely with politicians so I’m considering giving them their own list sometime down the track. The only thing that discourages me from that idea is that 99% of people who enter politics should quite rightly be bludgeoned without mercy, so it’d be kinda like shooting fish in a barrel. Then of course, the dilemma of how to stop at only ten?

 

 

So, in no particular order I give you 10 People I’d Love To Smash:

 

 

#1: Sam Newman

 

John “Sam” Newman is a racist, sexist, homophobic arsehole, a bully and a fuckwit. At 62 years old, the retired AFL footballer turned media personality is living proof that a man may experience much in life and learn absolutely nothing. He is a narcissistic mask of faux superiority based on a remembered boof-head-footy-player past and supported by retarded sexuality and contempt for anyone that isn’t him. He’s a walking warning on the dangers of sports psychology. On national TV he’s guilty of dressing up in blackface to mock indigenous footballer Nicky Winmar, exposing his genitals, humiliating his own son, and most recently a misogynistic attack on journalist and TV presenter Caroline Wilson. For a more comprehensive list click here. For fuck’s sake, he had Botox done on TV! His interviewing technique consists of insulting people or, failing that, over-articulating the new multi-syllabic word he’s learnt and using it to patronise them.

 

Despite numerous brushes with death he remains unchanged. A near fatal kidney injury in 1967 failed to make him have that “long hard look at himself”. Being deliberately run over by the mother of one of his children and prostate cancer have also failed to unearth any humanity in him.

 

I’m elated he’s had his prostate removed, I hope with all my heart that he can’t fuck anymore and that he keeps pissing himself. He’s paid ridiculous amounts of money by Channel Nine et al and his sole purpose is to lower the I.Q. of Australia. There’s a line in Mamet’s American Buffalo: “The only way to teach these people is to kill them.” So very true. Sam Newman should be beaten to death by an angry mob wielding footy socks containing pool balls. While I’m not a big fan of mobs I’ll make an exception for Sam, he’s a cunt.

Aussie Royalty.

Posted in Boof-head Sporto Fuckwits with tags , , , , , , , , on March 18, 2008 by Buck Frain

Wayne Carey

Fucking Wayne Carey! What a thoroughly reprehensible human being. The man known as “The King” when he played football. Beloved of football fans all over the country, disgraced himself toward the end of his career by sleeping with his “best mate’s” and teammate’s wife. Finally fizzled away from the oval to be reborn into a lucrative media career.

He loses his media career due to very publicly outing himself as a violent degenerate, beating his girlfriend, attacking police and having to be subdued with capsicum spray. But that’s just the most recent in a long list of incidents. The regularly hanging out with prominent Melbourne underworld figures, the $15,000 paid to hush up a sexual harassment case, the time he smashed a wine glass in his girlfriend’s face in the U.S. and narrowly escaped serious legal repercussions there.

But this is the way of it: narrowly escaping. Why “escaping” at all? Because he’s a celebrity, a sporting hero, an Aussie legend. The proof of the pudding is that New Idea apparently just paid him somewhere around $200,000 to tell the pissing sob-story of his harrowing substance abuse problem. Not apologising for being a misogynist violent bastard, just: boo-hoo poor Wayney likes his coke.

Now here’s why I’m pissed off. I don’t care if he does drugs – who gives a shit, he can afford it and an adult should be able to do whatever they want to their own body. I could possibly even forgive the violence if, and only if, he wanted to stop it and acknowledged that it was a problem and his problem and not just fob it off as aww gee, I was off me tits! But where the whole thing becomes truly evil is where he makes $200,000 out of such anti-socil behaviour. He profits, and tidily too, for bashing his partner and punching on with the cops. Why? Because he’s rich, he’s famous and he’s really good-looking too – don’t forget that, I mean if you’re gonna get beaten up by someone how lucky would you be to cop a bashing from The King? Isn’t that what all girls dream of?

God knows, Carey’s not the only one. Didn’t Ablett inadvertently kill a girl his son went to school with after they got loaded up on pills together in a seedy hotel rootfest? And how many rape scandals have been hushed up across all the major codes of football? How many brawling incidents make the news but result in no meaningful penalty?

The world’s a violent place and people are flawed. I know. I accept that. What I can’t accept is that there are no real consequences for people like Wayne Carey. They are above the rest of us. When was the last time a sports star did serious time? I don’t remember one. The team comes in, the lawyers come in and the money goes out. Witnesses get paid off or threatened into withdrawing their allegations.

The whole thing makes me fucking sick to my stomach. What are we telling our children? What are we telling our Australian sons and daughters? Hey son, kick the footy, run fast, be good at sport and then one day the world will be yours. Fuck learning, fuck thinking, fuck values. If you get good at sport you’ll have it made. You’ll get all the drugs you’ll ever want, you can go and gang-rape girls with your mates, you can bash chicks, bash blokes and even smash the cops. Nothing will ever happen to you. There won’t be any consequences, you’ll still be rich, people will pay you more just to hear your story. You’ll be invincible. And after it’s all over, the sports bars will still be filled with nubile, naïve young girls with stars in their eyes, ready to bow down before the altar of a sports superhero, faded or not, and get the living Jesus reamed out of them before getting their heads kicked in. Hey, daughter, you know you could do a lot worse than getting fucked by The King – he is an Aussie legend.

 

If anyone ever deserved to die pants-down on the fucking toilet, it’s Carey.