Archive for Fiction

Packed To The Rafters With Gormlessness!

Posted in Shit That Sucks & Blows with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 10, 2010 by Buck Frain

A top psychologist has come out to warn fucking idiots obsessed with a piece-of-shit TV show that the death of a fictional character may cause them to feel an emotion. A major news outlet scrambled to alert an apathetic and increasingly gorm-deficient populace to this inconsequential drivel in the hope they could avoid having to report any of the significant events or issues that might warrant genuine social consideration.

If people start feeling emotions about things that aren’t real, they reasoned, it’s a real possibility that they may one day experience an emotion about something that is real. If this happened, then it’s down the slippery slope to people forming considered opinions about the world they live in and even taking actions towards making it a better place. This sort of thing could seriously threaten big business.

Fuck you, Australia, for taking it! Fuck you, Channel 7, for producing the flyblown arse that is Packed to the Rafters! Fuck you again for trying to disguise blatant plugs for your own TV show as legitimate news! – Yes, they seriously tried to pass plot plugs for the show as genuine news that implied that an actor had died! – And fuck you to the psychologist, Dr. Jan Hall, who thinks that experiencing emotions is something that the public need to be warned about! Are you fucking serious? I mean, are we as a society so alienated from our emotions that we need a public warning about the catastrophic grief we may experience at the loss of a fictional character on a TV show? Get fucked!

“Tell yourself it’s only a TV show, exercise to release the ‘happy drugs’ in your body, or watch a soppy DVD that makes you have a good cry,” she said.

Fuck the fucking fuck right off! Seriously, Dr Hall, do you actually think that people have forgotten the purposes and possible effects of drama? People empathising with fictional characters and experiencing emotions as a result of fictional events? What the cunting shit do you think has been going on for the last 2000 years? Theatre and catharsis – ring any bells? You fucking stupid cunt! JUST FUCKING DIE!!!

A massive FUCK YOU has to go out to The Herald Sun for giving any of this even the slightest consideration. YOUR ORGANISATION SHOULD BE OBLITERATED FOR CRIMES AGAINST THE NATIONAL INTELLECT!!!

By the way, the two million people who watch that excremental suburban banality should be set on fire for their lack of imagination or taste. Gormless fucks! I’m serious, I fucking hate you all!

God is Love, eh?

Posted in Rage Against The Machine with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 14, 2009 by Buck Frain

carl-bloch-jesus-and-the-little-children

If ever the atheists of the world wanted proof of the non-existence of God, surely it must be right here in front of our faces in the fact that The Catholic Church still exists. An organisation that exploits the poor, promotes the spread of AIDS, protects paedophiles and war criminals, hates and discriminates against women and gay people and imprints its members from birth with fear of eternal torture beyond their wildest imaginings for failure to conform to its dogma…oh, and the guilt that they deserve said eternal torture. Surely if the omni-present, omnipotent, compassionate deity they worship actually existed, He would have blasted their cult from the planet’s surface Sodom-&-Gomorrah-style for its blasphemy!

 

I imagine you’ve read about the 9 year old girl in Brazil who was impregnated with twins by her step-father. Under Brazilian law a woman may only have an abortion if either she has been raped or if the pregnancy threatens her life. This case met both of these criteria. If the victim carried the twins to term they would almost certainly have killed her due to her small pelvis and in that event it’s doubtful that the twins would have survived either. YET, the local arch bishop has excommunicated the girl’s mother  and the doctors involved for their participation in the abortion – a crime against God. And the Vatican has approved the move!  That’s right, according to men who base their entire lives on a specific reading of an incomplete book of 2000 year old fairytales, the doctors and mother – trying to save any semblance of life this poor girl might salvage – are the criminals. On the upside, the rapist step-father is still welcome in church, or at least will be if he ever gets out of jail. He may have raped his step-daughter and her disabled sister for three years but, fuck, nobody’s perfect! WHAT THE CUNT???

 

I tend to believe they’re all better off without the church. But, Hell, I believe the world would be a better place if every organised religion in the entire world was dismantled and their vast capital used for the betterment of humankind rather than being allowed to continue to enslave the under-educated with superstition and cheap con tricks. Unfortunately, I also believe that people should be able to believe whatever they like so long as it doesn’t interfere with anyone else’s existence and I don’t really have any power so the bastards are pretty safe for now.

 

The truly fucked thing is that The Catholic Church has a long history of siding with bad guys:

  • Their record of either committing, supporting or covering up paedophilia is so poor that you can’t even make jokes about it anymore. 
  • They helped Nazi war criminals and a good bit of their loot escape after WWII, and today there are bunch of neo-Nazi priests in Brazil who are denying the holocaust ever happened. 
  • Does anyone remember Crusades? That was kinda fucked up! I mean surely it’s hard to point the shitty stick at Muslim extremists after that.
  • What about the Holy Inquisition? The holocaust which claimed up to 9 million lives across europe – 80-90% of them women – but I guess they can argue that was justified, after all they sure got rid of all those fucking witches!

 

Organised religion is a fucking cancer! It openly relies upon and endorses people behaving like sheep – being loyal and docile and never questioning even the most absurd bullshit. Fuck that! Bring on education! Bring on curiosity, questioning, discussion and dissent! We have over 6 billion people choking up the planet, facing extinction and a representative of one of the world’s richest multi-national organisations focusses on making one small child feel worse about herself for being sexually abused and impregnated than she already does? How the fuck does a compassionate God justify that shit? Hmm…He doesn’t, does he? No, strangely, as always God remains silent on the whole thing while a bunch of sexually-repressed men who’ve never lived in the real world have to interpret His will from the ether.

 

God has spoken to me

 

Yeah, sure he has…and Elvis has spoken to me – he says you’re a lying cunt! God is not speaking to these people, those voices are just other, more powerful guys in more ornate robes, and that’s the way it’s always been with organised religion – evil men telling fantastic stories to frighten the general population into submitting to their will. A will that invariably leads to greater wealth and power for the men telling the stories. The people running the church and brandishing compassion and forgiveness are the same people who nail mouthy do-gooders to big pieces of wood for saying we should ditch the church and just be nice to each other.

 

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that God existed. There is no God. There is no afterlife. It won’t all get magically better after you die – you didn’t really fall for that, did you? It may not make you happy but this is as good as it gets…unless we get off our lazy arses and make it better ourselves. We created God in our own image so that we wouldn’t be afraid of the dark. Well, if we don’t fucking well grow the shit up, all we’ll ever have is darkness! Forever! YES, THAT INCLUDES YOU SMUG FUCKING CHRISTIANS TOO!!!

raptor-jesus 

Stupid fuckin’ monkeys!

You’ve Got Buckley’s.

Posted in Human Stupidity with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 18, 2008 by Buck Frain

I received this yesterday, I thought I’d share it with you.

Dear Mr Frain,

It has come to my client’s attention that you have been reproducing her anecdotal material in written form on your blog entitled “Buck Frain’s Angry Place.”

Not only does this action breach The Privacy Act, as my client was not approached for permission before publishing details of her personal life, but it also constitutes fraud, as you have been passing off events in my client’s life as your own experiences. Perhaps most seriously, you have on several occasions voiced your desires to make profit from the blog. Doing so would constitute theft of intellectual property.

My client fully intends to take swift legal action unless a settlement can be reached out of court. At this stage, I suggest damages of $50,000.00

My client and I eagerly await your response.

Yours Sincerely,

[name withheld]

I’ve withheld the name and list of legal qualifications in the interest of avoiding further legal action and seeing as the persons in question are evidently reading the blog, rather than actually replying to them personally, I thought I might just answer it here:

Get Fucked!!!

First of all, I’ve got no idea what you’re talking about. Secondly, even I’m not stupid enough to think anyone actually makes money out of blogging. Thirdly, if I had $50,000, which I don’t, I’d sooner blow it all on cocaine and hookers and get whacked by hired goons than give you one pissy cent. Bring on your legal action. Bring it! I live for this shit. You think you can touch me? I’m a fucking fictional character. Any resemblance I have to persons living or dead, or that anything in my world has to people or events, real, imagined or hallucinated is purely coincidental. You can eat my fictional shit! Ha Ha Ha!!! My life might suck pretty bad and not really exist but I’m damn near invincible. The only person who can touch me is my author. Ow, that was my eye! Fuck! That really hurts! …CUNT!

In conclusion, [name withheld], I reject your suggestion, I spurn you and your client, I regard you with the utmost contempt, I question your credentials and your parentage, I have placed your letter in my yard and I intend to piss on it every morning this week, and should I ever come to visit your house I will wipe my nob on your curtains.

BALLS! ARSE! CUNT! PISSFLAPS! JISM!

Buck Frain.