Archive for Doctors

Hey Hey WHAT century are we living in?

Posted in Shit That Sucks & Blows with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 8, 2009 by Buck Frain

This is what passes for entertainment in Australia. It was on national TV last night and today the media is awash with debate about whether or not it constituted racism. The general consensus from the bogan masses of this country seems to be that everyone should get a sense of humour and have good old brain-dead laugh at it all. I tend to think that if you don’t believe it was racist, YOU ARE A RACIST! You may not be burning crosses, wearing pillow cases on your head or trying to murder people but you’re a lousy racist sack of shit all the same.

Some Australians seem to be under the misapprehension that if they think something funny, that perception of humour cancels out any perception of racism experienced by anyone else. IT CUNTING WELL DOESN’T! It’s the sort of boozy logic that leads footy players to think that because they want the girl she automatically wants all of them. She may have thought she was gang-raped but that was just her being a bad sport and she should really get over it. If she wasn’t so uptight she’d admit that in fact she had a great time. 

Too much? Let’s look at it seriously. What is funny about the above skit? There was no amazing choreographic homage; there was no satirical reworking of MJ’s lyrics. It was white people dressed in black face and an Indian guy who says he’s never been called racist in his life (because if your skin is brown you can’t possibly be racist, can you?) dressed in white face. These shining members of the Australian medical profession – yes, these are educated Australians – have gone two for one, compounding racism with bad taste. Perhaps the best value in the sewer this week. Perhaps not. 

But it was just a bit of fun. 

Really? Take away the make up and what do you have? Oh yeah, nothing! That was the act. That was the gag.

It’s funny because they’re white guys who are pretending to be black! See, that guy’s face is painted white because MJ was black but he looked white! He’s pretending to be a black guy who’s self-mutilating to make himself look like a white guy due to his deep self-hatred, a legacy left over from an abusive childhood! Aaaaaaaaahahahahahahaha get me another pair of pants! That’s gold!

FUCK YOU!!! 

Australia is a very racist country. We don’t like to think of ourselves as racist but that’s just denial. Refer to the last 221 years. We usually hide it behind a mask of humour nowadays but that doesn’t make it any less ignorant or wrong. Pretending it’s all matesy Aah, you ol’ black bastard, ya! doesn’t remove the degradation, humiliation or inherent violence from it. It just makes you feel better about being a cunt. Racism hurts people and divides society. It is ugly and absurd. If you want to make racist jokes with your racist mates, don’t fucking well do it in public, keep that feral shit to yourself! 

I do have a sense of humour but I fail to see anything funny about a plastic surgeon making racist jokes with his rich doctor mates on national TV insulting a recently deceased legend who was plagued with the sort of psychological problems that keep said plastic surgeon and his industry in business. At the very least it was in extremely poor taste but if we’re truly honest with ourselves we have to acknowledge it as bare-faced racism and spurn it as such. Fuck you, Channel 9 for approving this shit for broadcast! Fuck you, Hey Hey It’s Saturday, for being a shitty, out-dated dog turd of a show recycling 20 year old bigotry. Fuck you, redneck bogan wankers of Australia, who are too stupid to realise you are racist scum-sucking cretins! FUCKING DIE!!!

Australian_racism 

To Harry Connick Jr, respect! Nice work calling it like it is and having the balls to go against the grain in a foreign land.

Tumour Boy Vs. Spaz Hand

Posted in Things Rank And Gross In Nature with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 11, 2008 by Buck Frain

 

Until recently, I had a vaguely repugnant growth on my wrist. It was a hard lump, a nodule about the size of a pea. It had been there for a few years and was originally scar tissue from an ancient and very trivial injury that, instead of having the decency to fade away like Andrew Ridgeley, decided it wanted more of the limelight like Kate Ceberano and began to build itself into my conjoined twin. There was no real problem with it being there other than it wasn’t paying rent and it grossed people, most importantly women, out. So, on the tried-and-true principle that chicks dig scars more than benign fibrous tumours, I decided to have it lopped off.

 

A simple plan to be sure, went in for day surgery, surgeon cut it out – ugly fuckin’ thing, looked like a Cronenberg version of the ball that rattles ‘round in a referee’s whistle. Sadly, he wouldn’t let me keep it, I wanted to sell it on eBay – stitched it up with three little sutures and that was it.

 

I had an appointment with the surgeon a week later to have the stitches taken out. Hmm…fuck that, I thought. Why pay some over-educated git $50 to take out stitches? Anyone can take stitches out, I’ll take the bastards out myself. I sterilized the nail scissors and took out the stitches – easy. Feeling terribly proud of myself I leant back and stretched my hands out in front of me and pop!

 

Fuck! I’d ruptured the wound and now had a gaping hole in my wrist rapidly filling with thick gelatinous blood. Whoa! Strangely, it didn’t hurt but it did make me feel decidedly queasy. I locked up the house and made off to the nearest hospital’s emergency department.

 

There really is no-one like a doctor to making you feel like a twat. I had to ‘fess up to taking out my own stitches and toolishly popping the wound open. The doctor did his disapproving head-shake. Do they learn that in university? Bed-side manner 101 – patronising head-shakes and knowing sighs. Yes, I feel stupid already, my blood is coming out, now shut up and do your job! It turned out that the wound was unclean and needed to be debrided. Ah! No, not my fault! Get fucked! I kept it clean, I fuckin’ did everything I was supposed to, don’t even go there! The fucking stupid surgeon I originally saw fucked up the wound by putting in pissy superficial stitches on the surface of the wound so that beneath the skin it wasn’t held together at all. The wrist is a joint, it flexes, it needed stronger stitches, it wasn’t my cunting fault at all! But would anyone listen to that? Of course not. I took the stitches out myself so everything is my fault. Bah! It’s all cunts!

 

So after cleaning the wound out with a vigour usually reserved for removing baked-on scrambled eggs from old pans, he stitched it up with one hardcore suture and I was on my way with a new dressing and an appetite for codeine.

 

Out of hospital, off to the city. Getting off the tram, trying to avoid getting my throbbing wrist bumped by shit-licking, fuck-faced, spatially-unaware Joes Public who couldn’t wait for people to exit the tram before cramming themselves onto it, I lost my balance. Lurching forward, I reached for a handrail to stop my fall out of the tram, which I misjudged like a fuckstick, catching the back of my thumb on the handrail and following it with the bulk of my body weight. The thumb bent around underneath my hand until it gave a barely perceptible snapping sound. FUCK! FUCK! FUCKING CUNTING BASTARD!!! I cannot express quite how much it hurt. I’m unsure if I was swearing out loud or just muttering incoherently but I shambled around at the tram stop for a few minutes as the pain shot up my arm and my hand blew up into an udder with finger-teats.

 

Gradually, I relaxed enough to do some basic first-aidy tests to see how much mobility/strangth I had. They all hurt really really badly, the thumb was definitely cunted – I crossed the tram tracks and went back to hospital.

 

Same doctor, more humiliation, X-rays. He actually laughed at me and said: You’re not having a very good day, are you? Yes I am actually, sluthead, I normally spend my days with my head up a pig’s rectum and skewers in my testicles so today’s bitching! CUNT!!! No, I nodded and gave a courteous laugh – this guy could still hurt me.

 

The X-rays came back: the thumb was not broken, that’d be too easy – 4 to 6 weeks in plaster? Nah! I have a partial tear to a ligament which is painful but sounds really minor and wussy, and means I have to wear a cast for 8 weeks!

 

Brilliant! Just cunting well brilliant!!! I have to look after my right wrist – not too much lifting or movement there for a week or two and I have a cunting great nylon cast on my left hand and forearm for the next two months. I am domestic comedy. Watch Buck shower! Ha ha!!! See Buck wash the dishes. How many will he break today? Ah, he’s such a cunt!

 

Any sympathy votes I may have scored for the wrist have evaporated with the thumb, it’s too pitiful to be anything but fuckheadedness. I am just a loser now, a figure for ridicule and scorn. That may have never been any other way but the perception was never quite so focused on the truth as it is now. Fuck you, tumours! Fuck you, gravity! Fuck you, the medical profession! FUCK!!!

 

 

The AMA – Saving Your Life, Stealing Your Freedom.

Posted in Rage Against The Machine with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 2, 2008 by Buck Frain

The Australian Medical Association should have the absolute fuck kicked out of it for being a bunch of Orwellian wank-stains and insulting to the rights of free people. Who the fuck do they think they are? They’re in the paper this weekend calling for the government to ban the funding of any film, play or piece of art that contains smoking. The Australian arts industry is small and relies heavily on government funding. In this move the AMA seek to censor artistic expression and control the reflection of society being presented by artists. They are, in effect, calling for an end to free expression, and why? Because people get addicted to cigarettes and die. Big fucking deal! People get killed by cars, are they going to seek an end to car chase scenes as well? Of course not, they know everyone would tell them to fuck off which is pretty much what’s happening anyway.

If the government were to rise to the bait, what the fuck would we be allowed to see in our entertainment? People working out and eating properly? Fuck – that sounds like a great fucking film! Yeah Doc, I’ll fork out $15 to watch smug shit-sacks being perfect while all around my real life the world goes to hell. FUCK YOU, and thanks for killing the Aussie film industry, you miserable CUNT!

I used to smoke cigarettes. I smoked a pack a day for fifteen years and two years ago I stopped. I didn’t start smoking because of movies, I started because I liked the smell. I hate smoking, I hate the addiction, but I believe it is everyone’s right to choose for themselves. Freedom is all about choice. I don’t put down or look down on my friends who smoke and I consider them just as much a part of this society as I am. Smokers are already pariahs, huddled together, dejected and despised outside buildings in the freezing cold, the AMA would make them invisible too.

As an adult in a free society, I should be able to do pretty much whatever I want providing it doesn’t negatively impact anyone else’s right to do whatever they want. If I choose to smoke surely that is my right as an adult. This right is not the one under threat, the right to see a fictional depiction of person smoking tobacco, something that actually happens, is what the AMA would remove from us. They want to remove artists’ rights to reflect certain elements of the society they live in. These guys are a bunch of doctors, yeah? Fuck-head meddling doctors with no concept of the importance of art in defining cultural identity. They should stick to medicine and making people well. Have you cunts cured cancer yet? No? Well, get back to fucking work and leave artistic content to artists, you useless fuckbags! What value does good health have when you have no freedom left to enjoy with it?