Archive for Business

Packed To The Rafters With Gormlessness!

Posted in Shit That Sucks & Blows with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 10, 2010 by Buck Frain

A top psychologist has come out to warn fucking idiots obsessed with a piece-of-shit TV show that the death of a fictional character may cause them to feel an emotion. A major news outlet scrambled to alert an apathetic and increasingly gorm-deficient populace to this inconsequential drivel in the hope they could avoid having to report any of the significant events or issues that might warrant genuine social consideration.

If people start feeling emotions about things that aren’t real, they reasoned, it’s a real possibility that they may one day experience an emotion about something that is real. If this happened, then it’s down the slippery slope to people forming considered opinions about the world they live in and even taking actions towards making it a better place. This sort of thing could seriously threaten big business.

Fuck you, Australia, for taking it! Fuck you, Channel 7, for producing the flyblown arse that is Packed to the Rafters! Fuck you again for trying to disguise blatant plugs for your own TV show as legitimate news! – Yes, they seriously tried to pass plot plugs for the show as genuine news that implied that an actor had died! – And fuck you to the psychologist, Dr. Jan Hall, who thinks that experiencing emotions is something that the public need to be warned about! Are you fucking serious? I mean, are we as a society so alienated from our emotions that we need a public warning about the catastrophic grief we may experience at the loss of a fictional character on a TV show? Get fucked!

“Tell yourself it’s only a TV show, exercise to release the ‘happy drugs’ in your body, or watch a soppy DVD that makes you have a good cry,” she said.

Fuck the fucking fuck right off! Seriously, Dr Hall, do you actually think that people have forgotten the purposes and possible effects of drama? People empathising with fictional characters and experiencing emotions as a result of fictional events? What the cunting shit do you think has been going on for the last 2000 years? Theatre and catharsis – ring any bells? You fucking stupid cunt! JUST FUCKING DIE!!!

A massive FUCK YOU has to go out to The Herald Sun for giving any of this even the slightest consideration. YOUR ORGANISATION SHOULD BE OBLITERATED FOR CRIMES AGAINST THE NATIONAL INTELLECT!!!

By the way, the two million people who watch that excremental suburban banality should be set on fire for their lack of imagination or taste. Gormless fucks! I’m serious, I fucking hate you all!

Australia Post – Dirty Pirate Bastards.

Posted in Shit That Sucks & Blows with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 4, 2010 by Buck Frain

So Australia Post are a bunch of cunts! This may not be news to some people but it twatted me squarely between the eyes today.  I wish there was something other than whinging I could do about it but there isn’t so I’m just going to sit here being as fucked-off as hell…again. What’s new? 

I went into the post office to get a document certified as a “true copy” today. There are an arseload of locations I could quite easily have chosen to get this done but, as I would have to post the document after, I felt it would be quicker to get it all done in the one place. What I found out when I got there was that on 15th February this year Australia Post had started charging $3.95 per page for this service. A service which had been free until then and continues to be free everywhere else it is provided. 

I asked why the fee had been introduced and was met with an insipid smile and a vaguely uncomfortable I don’t know

I left the post office muttering to myself and walked down the street to the chemist where they happily certified my document without charge. In gratitude I put a couple of coins in the Salvation Army tin on the counter. I like them at the chemist. I wish I could have posted my letters there. 

I marched back into the post office and glared at the postal worker in the hope that my glaring alone would either penetrate his soul causing him to take up arms against the management of Australia Post and start a postal-worker revolution OR maybe just cause him to drop dead from a deeply-felt social remorse. My glaring powers seem to be in need of a bit of work. I paid the postage on my letter and walked outside to post it and swear to myself some more.

WHAT THE FUCK??? It used to be that the post office was there to serve the public. To provide valuable services. To help. I have no issue with anyone making a living but let’s be quite fucking honest. THIS IS SHIT!!! Australia Post is a self-funded, Government-owned organisation. They hold a monopoly over the postal service in Australia and have for the last few years been posting record profits. Furthermore, they have approval from the ACCC to put up the price of stamps to 60 cents later this year. WHAT THE FUCK DO THEY NEED MORE MONEY FOR??? The certification of documents is an important service. Is this fee a bid to simply not provide this courtesy to the community anymore by encouraging people to go somewhere they can get it for free, or is it a cynical plan to exploit even more money out of a captive market seeing as everyone has to go there eventually if they want to post their stuff? Either way it is a thoroughly reprehensible piece of corporate malignancy. 

FUCK YOU, AUSTRALIA POST!!! This decision is mean-spirited, exploitative and downright cunting well fucked! $3.95 PER CUNTING PAGE!!! IT’S DAYLIGHT FUCKING ROBBERY!!! Whoever came up with this idea is an evil shit-licker and my dearest wish is that they should die bleeding out of their arse in a tank full of hungry sharks. Tomorrow. On TV. CUNTS!!! ARSE!!! FUCK!!!

Gary Morgan Eats Shit!

Posted in Specials with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 24, 2009 by Buck Frain


I don’t normally do requests but very occasionally someone sends me something that I feel I need to share. This is one of those cases. This really made me laugh – the dodgy mouth movements, the path of the turd and…is that arse hairy? Whether it’s the work of an idiot or a genius I don’t know but whoever they are they’re obviously someone who hates their boss just as I myself despise the…hmm…remarkably similar proprietor of my own workplace. Someone identifying him/herself only as fisto401 sent me the piece of artwork above in an apparent effort:

…to show the world how much of a shit-eating bastard my miserable cunt of a boss is.

In fisto401’s email to me he/she engaged in a blistering attack on his/her employer, a Mr. Gary Morgan,  describing said Gazza as

…the ultimate fucking seagull manager.

Fisto then goes on to say:

Everyone hates his guts. He’s a miserable tight-arse bastard and he can’t even throw a decent Christmas party. The old cunt’s worth millions and all he can do is lay on two hours worth of VB and some fucked old party pies. He’s such a cunt I just wish I could quit working at the Morgue and drop a shit right on his desk.

From what I can understand the business in question is a research company not a morgue. I would have to say that if your company is known by employees as The Morgue and it’s not one, you’re probably doing something wrong.  I can’t tell you whether Gary Morgan really is a shit-eating freak but I suspect he probably is. There are malcontents in any workplace but to inspire the profound loathing that damands the creation of works of angry computer art that get sent to third parties to ensure it doesn’t remain nothing more than an in joke, you really must be a serious arsehole. So, I’ll trust fisto401’s judgement and salute their unsophisticated but hilarious depiction of Gary Morgan eating shit like the shit-eating freak he almost certainly is. Ha ha ha! Fuck you, Gary Morgan, you filthy shit-eating bastard!!!

 

 

If you hate your boss and have created something funny to publicly have a go at them, please send it to buck.frain@gmail.com and if I think it’s entertaining, justified or both I might post it here. Why? Because I’m lazy and have no scruples, that’s why!

It’s The McNews, McBitches!!!

Posted in Rage Against The Machine with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 28, 2008 by Buck Frain

Back when I started publishing my rage I did a post on McDonald’s and how fuckin’ furious they make me. Some people got it and naturally I also got a bunch of comments from gormless fuck-stains in denial about the corporate evil being perpetrated by corporations like McDonald’s. To all those fuck-stains: eat my shit, you suck!!!

Now I find this story saying McDonald’s have begun paying to have their product placed in news programs. ON THE FUCKING NEWS!!! The traditional territory of at least some illusion of impartiality has become an open field for corporate spruiking through product placement. Objectivity? Eat my arse! Naturally, the dirty, whoring, sycophant executives accepting this filthy lucre have been keen to state that maccas won’t be influencing news content at all. But how can we believe them? Do we realistically believe they would ever dare bite that big, fat, clown-hand now feeding them.

Recent statistics reveal obesity as the fastest growing cause of death in our country [sips from McDonald’s cup, winks at camera] but this tastes great and there are healthy options now too, so keep eating the grease, kids, and just get your doorways widened!

This marks a new low in media whorishness. Why even call it news anymore? How can we even tell when the commercials are over? This really shits my bed – any news program that accepts sponsorship in this way should be fire-bombed on principle. The only reasonable answer to this level of desperate, money-grubbing emptiness is with uncensored, mindless violence. Oh, yeah, anger management, incarceration – yeah, I’m the crazy person, I mean we live in a world where nothing exists that cannot be bought, but I’m the terrorist! I implore the benevolent scientists out there working on The Stupid Bomb to redouble their efforts. Bring on the fuckhead apocalypse! Fuckin’ stupid humans!

 

So it’s not funny – fuck you, I never said it was. You want funny, go here.

Petrol Price Rise Rage Reality.

Posted in Human Stupidity with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 24, 2008 by Buck Frain

Petrol prices are going up. It’s not fuckin’ news. It’s been in the news constantly for the last fuck-knows-how-many years but recently it’s started to really fuck me off. People are up in arms over he rising fuel prices and I understand, I even empathise with them to a point. Certainly, rural Australians and people reliant on petrol for their occupations are really under pressure and the harsh truth is it is not going to get any better. I feel for these people but it is reality. 

The people I don’t feel sorry for are the fucking idiots blaming the government for rising prices. What the nail-gunned ballbags are they thinking? Yes, the government are greedy cunts, they control the various taxes they charge on fuel, but beyond that they have nothing to do with it.

 

I found this little gem today from the UK and was relieved to find that they’re even more stupid than us: 

Two-thirds of motorists said they would vote for a different government if fuel rose to between £1.25 and £1.49 per litre and 63% said they would be willing to protest if the price of petrol and diesel rose to levels they considered unacceptable. 

 

What the grated dick are you fuckheads thinking? It’s supply and demand, the demand’s up and the supply is rapidly going down forever. Protest all the fuck you want, vote for a fucking hedgehog, it’s not going to make more dead dinosaurs! The fact is we’ve nearly burnt them all, we’ve burnt up the dead dinosaurs and the few drips that are left are going to continue to get more and more expensive until some massively rich CUNT goes for the world’s last petrol drag and that will be the end of it, which of course it won’t be because sooner or later, if the polluted environment or global war doesn’t kill us first, we’ll develop sustainable, renewable energy sources and means of transport that run on them.

 

The world is changing, we’re running out of oil, all of us in every single country on the planet, now SHUT THE FUCK UP AND FUCKIN’ WELL DEAL WITH IT!!! The fucking childish mentality of consumers makes me so fucking angry, what the fuck did you think was going to happen you mindless fucksticks? DEAL WITH IT! Especially if you live in the UK – no reasonable person would choose to live in a place with such abominable weather and the miserable island’s small enough you can get your pasty arse on a pushbike and peddle to fucking work!  

 

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

 

Afterthought: The CEO of Caltex came out and said people should use less fuel. Doesn’t that indicate something? I mean, what sort of CEO asks you to buy less of his product? People, fuckin’ stupid people, bah!

Door-to-door Euthanasia – The Business Of The Future!

Posted in Crap Jobs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 15, 2008 by Buck Frain

I had a great idea for a direct marketing business today. It just came to me. Door-to-door Euthanasia. Genius! Think about it:- The planet’s chronically overpopulated, we’re consuming natural resources at a thoroughly unsustainable rate and we’re polluting our environment to an extent that the planet will be uninhabitable by humans within 100 years. The human race is done. Most people are already killing themselves, in a slow, cowardly consumerist way at least: cigarettes, alcohol, junk food, drugs, mobile phones, driving whilst doing any or all of the former. Most of these people recognise the subtly suicidal undertones to these behaviours. Most of these people also wouldn’t be able to give you any decent justification for their continuing existence on the planet. It’s a pretty easy sell.

Huddled into their dingy homes crammed with unused exercise machines and sporting memorabilia, glued to commercial TV banality, stuffing their obese bodies with fatty home delivered death, all the while decaying intellectually and spiritually, and refusing to participate in the affluent democracy that spawned them. All they want is someone to show them a product they can buy, that doesn’t require any effort on their part other than an outlay of cash, and that will solve all their problems – forever.

It’s just an idea at this stage and I realise I’d have to dress it up with some quasi-spiritual promise of wealth, stardom and beauty in some sort of afterlife. Not to mention a serious money-back guarantee, but I’m on to something, that’s for sure.

Oh fuck, I’ve turned into Satan! I gotta start looking for another line of work, I don’t think I’m very well.

The Dehumanising Onset Of Sickness.

Posted in Things Rank And Gross In Nature with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 14, 2008 by Buck Frain

Ah, I’m getting sick. It’s absolutely fucked. I could feel the lump starting at the back of my throat and putting just the slightest pressure on my right ear-drum this morning. There was just a hint of a sniffle and I just knew that tomorrow I’ll wake up as sick as a bitch, sore throat, snot factory, hot dry eyes and in a cunt of a mood!

 

I don’t suppose I should be surprised, call centres are breeding grounds for disease. The whole place is a fucking bio-hazard and should be bombed to shit. Sniffling, sneezing, coughing mouth-breathers everywhere. Fuck! I’m an obsessive fucking cleanliness freak at work. We have these alcohol wipes for the headsets, I use about five or six at the beginning of every shift. I sterilize the headset, keyboard, mouse, monitor, desk, everything. Who the fuck knows who was here last? And, fuck, let me tell you there are people who work here who you don’t want to share anything with. I don’t even trust the cups in the kitchen at work. Even if they look clean I hold them under the boiling water tap before using them.

 

But despite my best efforts, flu shots included, I’ve caught something. I fucking felt it all day, it’s like a cloud of retardedness has descended on me. Everything is just a little out of phase, I’m just half a step off normal. I rammed my shin into the corner of the bed while I was getting ready for work this morning. I swore like a bastard. Fuck, it hurt. I poured boiling water on my hand at work while sterilising my cup. It fucking hurt too but wasn’t bad, I put it straight under cold water, it probably won’t even blister. Still, I felt like a tool and it was another sign that something was wrong.

 

I finally decided to go home after I sneezed and everything turned green. Not only did I nearly deafen the guy I was on the phone to, I had viscous green mucous all down my face and in my hand. It was fucking revolting. I excused myself from the call and reached my free hand into a pocket searching for tissue…to no avail, there were none to be found. I started to get up and realised that my headset mic was entirely hidden within an enormous gob of phlegm connected by a green umbilicus to my top lip. The nice goth girl sitting next to me actually dry retched.  I am hideous. I went to the loo, with my headset, cleaned up and left for the day. Ah, kill me!