Archive for Australia

Fuck Christmas

Posted in Rage Against The Machine with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 19, 2014 by Buck Frain

lp

Christmas 2014 is shaping up to be the most miserable in living memory for Australia. An increasing number of Australians are taking to the streets in T-shirts declaring that they will not be celebrating Christmas at all this year as they’re saving all their party stuff until Prime Minister Tony Abbott dies.

Hatred for the PM has reached fever pitch in many parts of the country, and without a productive outlet for the rage, people are increasingly turning on the institution of Christmas as a focus for their anger. Frank Jelbart, 87, of Coonamble NSW said: “What kind of country are they running here anyway, where a fine young lad like Philip Hughes is struck down playing cricket for God’s sake and a snake like Abbott destroys the country and walks around breathing the air that mates of mine died for. Christmas be fucked this year, I’m just going to take out the 12 gauge and shoot holes in some road signs.”

Vicky Pettigrew, 44, of Happy Valley SA said: “Tony Abbott has ruined Christmas in our house this year. We get a tree each year but neither my husband, Darren, or I can even look at a Christmas tree now without imagining it on fire and stabbed right down that creepy lizard[Abbott]’s Jap-eye.” Mrs. Pettigrew, well-intentioned but a bit of a casual racist, told how the family had tried to persevere with the Christmas spirit until the couple’s thirteen year old son had replaced the traditional fairy atop the tree with a paper cut-out of the Prime Minister. “I think Ethan he thought it was funny or something but when Darren saw it he went berserk. He just dragged the whole tree out into the yard, decorations and all, doused it with two-stroke fuel and set it ablaze. He said no-one in our house would be having any fun until he [Abbott] dies.”

Similar scenes are playing out all over the country. In Mulgrave Vic, Trevor Farnsworth, 53, said the only thing he would be doing this Christmas was taking a hammer and knocking the handles off all of his 82 sporting trophies attained over 35 years of competing in a range of sports. “It’s been my life”, he wept, “but now they all just remind me of that dirty, big-eared cunt. Why can’t someone just fuckin’ kill him?”

You would be mistaken to think that the discontent stops at our sovereign borders though, interviewed at his well-hidden North Pole factory this week, the usually-jolly Santa Claus let fly about the Australian PM when asked about the down-turn in festive participation this season. “Tony Abbott is cancer in Speedos, he can get fucked! I’m not even going to Australia this year. I’m sorry kids but you can just fuck right off as long as that prick’s breathing. I’m serious! Cunt [Abbott] wants to pretend global warming doesn’t exist? I live in the fucking North Pole, bitches! Do you know how much I’ve had to spend on foundation re-flotation and sea-floor mooring just so the factory doesn’t sink into the fucking Arctic Ocean? It’s like Venice-On-Ice up here – it’s fucking bullshit – and that filthy weasel shit-fuck [Abbott] spends most of his time gobbing off Big Mining like coal’s a good fucking idea. No surprise that Tony Abbott’s death is Australia’s second most wished-for Christmas item this year, but I’ll tell you now: if you want him dead you’re going to have to do it your lazy fucking selves. I wouldn’t let Rudolph piss on that beef-jerky-looking bastard if he was on fire.

santa-mad

With the big man in red seeing red, our intrepid reporter wasn’t game to ask what the number one most wished for Christmas item was from Australia, although my money’s on having a truck-load of pineapples smashed up Scott Morrison’s arse with a sledgehammer. Whatever it is, there’s no doubt that we’ve lost our way with Christmas. Sure as cunts I can’t buggered with it! Like the kids are saying: Fuck Christmas – I’m saving all my party stuff ‘til Tony Abbott dies.

Christmas In July – Please Make Tony Abbott Die.

Posted in Rage Against The Machine with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 30, 2014 by Buck Frain

Dear Santa,

 

It’s been a while since I wrote to you but at this point you’re probably the only one who can help me. Seeing as Christmas In July seems to be a thing now, please find below my list. It’s not very conventional but neither is Christmas In July so I’ve attempted to go for non-commercial presents that will be of benefit to lots of people, not just to me.

 

1. Please kill Tony Abbott. No need to make him suffer. Just make him stop being alive. He’s hurting pretty much everyone. He’s happy about it. His actions benefit no-one other than handful of ultra-wealthy people who don’t really need him. He brings nothing good, kind or honest to the world, only selfishness and suffering.

2. Please kill Joe Hockey. He’s a liar and a thief. He’s lied about his family’s business interests for 14 years while he lines his pockets and now he wants the rest of us to put up with unnecessary poverty. I would accept austerity in a time of hardship but in a boom time when Australia is strong it’s empirically wrong. He’s cynically and systematically destroying middle Australia and creating suffering for millions while he and his mates live large.

3. Please kill Scott Morrison. He’s overseeing a system of illegal imprisonment, people trafficking, psychological, physical and sexual abuse, torture and murder of innocent men, women and children. People fleeing the worst horrors imaginable and seeking our help. He has them to concentration camps in the world’s least liveable places to punish them and their families for daring to seek shelter from cruelty.

4. Please kill Christopher Pyne. He’s destroying education for Australians and making it harder for anyone who’s not already rich to compete with their fellows for an equal chance to make a good life for themselves. He’s stealing the future for generations to come and he’s a smarmy little cunt as well if you don’t mind my saying so.

5. Please smack Mattias Cormann really hard, right in his box-shaped, Belgian fucking head about 50 or 60 times, really, really fucking hard. I fucking hate that prick!

 

That’s my top 5. I could go on – George Brandis, Kevin Andrews, Julie Bishop, Arthur Sinodinos, oh God there’s soooo many of them – but I know you’re busy and lots of people will be asking for things. I know I’m not perfect but I’ve been as good as I can, Santa. I haven’t killed anyone, cheated anyone or told any lies that have damaged people’s lives. Just the normal stuff like: “No, you were just a little bit tipsy, no-one took it badly, you were quite amusing.” Oh wait, well, maybe I should’ve been a bit more honest there but seriously…this is getting off topic.

I don’t want to be greedy. If you can only deliver on number 5 I’ll be massively grateful but please, please start at the top. It’s not just for me, these are gifts for all of Australians, for the whole world even. Please, Santa, please bring me Christmas in July – please make Tony Abbott die.

 

Lots of love,

Buck Frain

Packed To The Rafters With Gormlessness!

Posted in Shit That Sucks & Blows with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 10, 2010 by Buck Frain

A top psychologist has come out to warn fucking idiots obsessed with a piece-of-shit TV show that the death of a fictional character may cause them to feel an emotion. A major news outlet scrambled to alert an apathetic and increasingly gorm-deficient populace to this inconsequential drivel in the hope they could avoid having to report any of the significant events or issues that might warrant genuine social consideration.

If people start feeling emotions about things that aren’t real, they reasoned, it’s a real possibility that they may one day experience an emotion about something that is real. If this happened, then it’s down the slippery slope to people forming considered opinions about the world they live in and even taking actions towards making it a better place. This sort of thing could seriously threaten big business.

Fuck you, Australia, for taking it! Fuck you, Channel 7, for producing the flyblown arse that is Packed to the Rafters! Fuck you again for trying to disguise blatant plugs for your own TV show as legitimate news! – Yes, they seriously tried to pass plot plugs for the show as genuine news that implied that an actor had died! – And fuck you to the psychologist, Dr. Jan Hall, who thinks that experiencing emotions is something that the public need to be warned about! Are you fucking serious? I mean, are we as a society so alienated from our emotions that we need a public warning about the catastrophic grief we may experience at the loss of a fictional character on a TV show? Get fucked!

“Tell yourself it’s only a TV show, exercise to release the ‘happy drugs’ in your body, or watch a soppy DVD that makes you have a good cry,” she said.

Fuck the fucking fuck right off! Seriously, Dr Hall, do you actually think that people have forgotten the purposes and possible effects of drama? People empathising with fictional characters and experiencing emotions as a result of fictional events? What the cunting shit do you think has been going on for the last 2000 years? Theatre and catharsis – ring any bells? You fucking stupid cunt! JUST FUCKING DIE!!!

A massive FUCK YOU has to go out to The Herald Sun for giving any of this even the slightest consideration. YOUR ORGANISATION SHOULD BE OBLITERATED FOR CRIMES AGAINST THE NATIONAL INTELLECT!!!

By the way, the two million people who watch that excremental suburban banality should be set on fire for their lack of imagination or taste. Gormless fucks! I’m serious, I fucking hate you all!

A Vote For Abbott Is A Vote For Al-Qaeda.

Posted in Boof-head Sporto Fuckwits, Rage Against The Machine, Random Shit That Gives Me The Cunt with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 19, 2010 by Buck Frain

It’s a big call but I’ve had a gut-full! The federal election this Saturday is vital to the future of Australia. I survived the Howard years when the ironically-named Liberal Party stomped all over public opinion and consistently fucked the little guy in order to pump up the wealthy. I watched while the majority of Australians voted them in time and time again against their own interests. I still don’t know how and I still don’t know why. I can’t go back there. I FUCKING WON’T!

I’ve heard the parrot calls of RAWK! Think of the economy. RAWK! Usually coming from ill-informed cretins who don’t realise their thoughts aren’t in any way their own and that actually they’ve got big business’ hands up their arses.

I have absolutely no faith in democracy in this country because it seems to me that the majority of Australians are complacent, apathetic, ignorant and mentally lazy. We’ve had it good for so long that we don’t feel like we have a responsibility to educate ourselves to what’s really going on and to have an opinion about it. Although I love Australia dearly I don’t think I have any choice but to take a stand. If the good people of Australia are hell-bent on choosing the interests of a handful of wealthy individuals who care nothing for the environment or the future of Australia or its citizens, over the future of this wonderful country for themselves and their children, then I have to do something.

I have no influence and as has been repeatedly pointed out to me, I have no power. Other than choice. If you vote for the Liberal Party you have no soul. You have no compassion. You have no concern for the environment, or healthcare, or education, women or technology. You have no compassion for the people who flee terrible circumstances in other countries for a better life like the one we enjoy here. I read that at our present rates it would take 20 years for the flow of boat people to fill the MCG. That’s not a lot of people. Especially considering the strength of our economy and the size of our nation. Especially considering that these people want to work and contribute to our country to make us all stronger and richer. Many countries with far less resources do far more for people in trouble. We could do more if only we stopped thinking about how scared WE are and gave a thought for how thankful we should be for all we have and how we might share it with people less fortunate.

The mining companies in this country are grandmotherfucking cuntingly rich bastards and they’re only getting richer and they’re getting it from taking OUR very finite natural resources. I don’t mind anyone making money but Abbott doesn’t think the Australian people deserve a share of this wealth. He won’t tax those rich fat cunts!

If Abbott gets in this Saturday I’m joining Al-Qaeda and fuck you all!

Harsh? Fuck it. What else is left? If a country blessed with so many beautiful, wonderful qualities can choose fear and mean-spiritedness by a majority; if democracy can be rendered meaningless by propaganda that doesn’t even make sense; if people are so stupid that they will vote for a sport-obsessed, misogynist, xenophobic, homophobic, religious fundamentalist with no economic acumen and who is a self-confessed liar and committed to making ordinary citizens carry the bill for the lifestyles of the rich and shameless; I have no choice left but to declare war against such malevolent, wilful stupidity.

I will join Al-Qaeda if Liberal win on Saturday.

So, I don’t care who you vote for. It’s your vote and you should think about what the various parties and candidates represent and vote according to who you think will best serve the nation’s interests and contribute best to the future of Australia. By “think” I actually mean use some critical thinking, use some analytical skills to see what’s behind the P.R. hype, not just decide based on who you felt handled Mark Latham’s handshake best. CUNTS!!! Whatever! I’ve said my piece. Do what you want, but a vote for Abbott is a vote for Al-Qaeda, so don’t complain when you vote that smarmy wank-stain in and I blow your fucking shit up!

Stupid fucking monkeys!

Judge For Yourself.

Posted in Shit That Sucks & Blows with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 10, 2010 by Buck Frain

There is a point at which ignorance becomes evil and just makes me want to murder people.

A QUEENSLAND judge has found the terms “nigger” and “sandnigger” are not offensive to a reasonable person.

This article just made me want to build a scud missile out of my neighbour’s VW, some left over fireworks, municipal pool supplies and blow the living shit out of Queensland with it. WHAT THE ARSE-FUCKED-OLSON-TWINS IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE??? 

Senile bogan shit-sack Denis Mulheron, 62, of The Gold Coast (above) sent a disgraceful hate-speech-laden fax to Queensland lawmaker Peta-Kaye Croft under the misguided notion that as a bigoted white man someone should listen to his stupidity. OK, that’s bad. I know opinions are like arseholes, in that everyone has one, and Mr Mulheron certainly appears to need the shit flushed out of his. However, even in the Neanderthal state of Queensland, there are laws against racial vilification and, thankfully, Mulheron was charged with using a carriage service, i.e. the fax machine, to menace, harass or offend – this offence carries up to three years’ jail. 

I’m not saying he deserved to go away for 3 years. I am certain, however, that the case should not have been thrown out and I’m even more certain that Magistrate Michael O’Driscoll is criminally wrong to suggest that the above terms are not offensive to any “reasonable” person. This is what he said. This is what he ruled. 

I know a couple of reprobate white people who would probably agree. They also are wrong. However, I do not think any of my African friends nor any of my Indian, Middle Eastern nor Indigenous friends would agree. Everyone I have spoken to about this said that they would be offended by the terms and Mr Mulheron’s comments. According to O’Driscoll’s ruling, all of these people are not “reasonable”. Magistrate Michael O’Driscoll is saying by his ruling that non-racists are unreasonable. He’s saying that almost everyone I know is unreasonable to be offended by something that, in any other country I’ve lived in, would be understood by the general populace to be offensive. 

If that is not racism I don’t know what is. A member of the judiciary in this country has just rubber-stamped racism because he, as a white man, doesn’t find vilification of non-white people offensive and deigns to say anyone who does is not “reasonable”.  Magistrate Michael O’Driscoll should be fired and jailed. I’m all for freedom of speech and expression but with that comes responsibility. Freedom cannot extend to the freedom to malign people based on race, gender, sexuality or faith. If it does, that freedom is worth nothing because it protects no-one except the person who already hold all the cards. The flames of racism in Australia do not need to be fanned by anyone and the racist bogan masses of the cultural rectum of this country don’t need any encouragement.

By the way, if you’re a white person who doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with this decision please don’t bother to comment here. I don’t care to hear your ignorance. You don’t get to tell me how you’re white and don’t care if someone calls you cracker or pom. Fuck you! Fuck you to death with a jack-hammer! IT DOESN’T COUNT! YOU ARE THE PRIVILEGED  MAJORITY THEREFORE ANY MOMENTARY PAIN YOU HAVE EXPERIENCED BY FEELING DIFFERENT IS INCONSEQUENTIAL COMPARED TO WHAT IS EXPERIENCED BY GENUINE VICTIMS OF RACIAL OR CULTURAL VILIFICATION! YOU DON’T GET TO CASH IN AND PLAY THE VICTIM HERE SO FUCK OFF!!! 

To all the rest of you: have a nice day 🙂

No, stupid bogan, you don’t own an American car!

Posted in Wankers In Denial with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 20, 2010 by Buck Frain

Sometimes I just want to shoot people in the face. There are those people who I honestly think can only be helped by having the addled contents of their craniums aired out and spread over a 10 metre radius.

The Holden Commodore has been one of the most popular Australian made sedans of the last 30 years. In fact it is so popular in Australia that it has oft been referred to as the Holden Clitoris due to the fact that every cunt’s got one! 

I appreciate the need to stand out from the crowd but over the last couple of years there has been a growing phenomenon amongst the cashed-up-brainless-fuck-knuckle set of taking the Holden badges off their Commodores and replacing them with Chevrolet badges. 

The motivation for doing this is hazy at best but is generally perceived to be a moronic attempt to make an extremely unimaginative choice of motor vehicle appear a little more exotic.

  1. It doesn’t work.
  2. It’s fucking bullshit! 

What the fuck are they thinking? Well, it’s questionable whether they’re actually capable of anything as complex as thought or whether this action is just a stimulus-response anomaly. My view? IDIOTS!!! Everyone in Australia knows that the Commodore is an Australian car so the Chevy badges aren’t fooling anyone! Do you seriously think that your Commodore-owning mates will turn around and exclaim: 

Ohmafahkingooooood! Davo’s got a Chevy! Fahkinellmaaate!

No. Sadly, your arse-clown-deadshit mates know that it’s just a Holden with Chev badges. Even your fucking Horizon-smoking mum knows. So, if even the stupidest people aren’t fooled, what is the point? 

Is it part of the great Aussie cultural cringe? That idea that anything we are, have or do would be way better if it was English or American or otherwise internationally approved of so we knew it was OK to like? Is it just a national self-loathing? Oh mate, I’d be way cooler if I was American! Forgetting of course that even if they really were American they’d just be an American fuckwit which I imagine isn’t that much cooler than being an Australian fuckwit. 

It’s fucking stupid is what it is and I fucking hate stupid! It fucking shits me off that someone would go to the trouble of deliberately buying a vehicle to then spend extra money pretending it’s something else. WHY??? Why not just buy a fucking car you want? Why not sit for a moment THINKING THROUGH, or cunt-forbid RESEARCHING, the multitudinous options available in the world of motor vehicles before you purchase the same thing everybody else has and decide it’s not good enough? CRETINS!!!

I realise that re-badging vehicles is no new thing in the auto industry. Holdens were re-badged as Pontiacs in the U.S. and Vauxhalls in the U.K., Holden themselves have sold re-badged Isuzus, Toyotas, Opels, you name it, as Holdens. That’s just selling cars. It’s just marketing. I know that Holden is part of General Motors, a U.S. company, and for years the Holden Commodore has been re-badged and sold as the Chevrolet Lumina overseas but that doesn’t change the fact that under the badge it’s still a Holden Commodore. The real question is: why, in Australia, a country full of Holden Commodores, where everyone knows your Commodore is a locally designed and made Holden, would you spend good money putting on foreign badges that fool no-one? You’d have more luck passing yourself off as a woman by tucking your dick and balls back between your legs! Stop being a  fucktard! Go right ahead and customize your vehicle if you want to just stop being ashamed of its true identity. Stop being ashamed of supporting your local car industry!

But Chevs are cool, man! 

Fucking buy one then! IT’S NOT A CUNTING CHEVROLET!!! 

It may be worth noting that it is common for Holden owners in the U.S. to re-badge them with the original Holden badges. Why do they do it? Out of respect because that’s what the car is! I swear, if you’re one of those slutheads who’s re-badged their Holden as a Chev, you should take it out on a deserted bit of highway, wind it up to 200km/h and wrap it around the biggest gum tree you can find. As much as I like the new Commodores, the human race does not need YOU!

In Contempt Of Court.

Posted in Shit That Sucks & Blows with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 5, 2010 by Buck Frain

You fucking bet I hold the Federal Court ruling yesterday in contempt. Justice Jacobson has proved himself to be either a congenital moron or a corrupt motherfucker when he handed down a ruling that the Men At Work song Down Under plagarised the late Marion Sinclair’s children’s song Kookaburra Sits In The Old Gum Tree.

I scoffed at this case when I first heard about it because it was so ridiculous. The songs are nothing alike and the flute line in Down Under that is the cause of this law suit is in no way a substantial enough portion of the song to warrant anyone giving two shits about it. The fact is you’d have to have been living in another galaxy not to have heard this song in the early 1980s and nobody complained about it then, not even Kookaburra’s then-alive writer, Marion Sinclair. 

However, when smarmy cockface Norm Lurie of Larrikin Music Publishing got his filthy mitts on the rights to the old kids tune’, he saw a dazzling opportunity to defraud legends and genuine Australian song writers Colin Hay and Ron Strykert, and their label EMI,  of hard-earned income from their own creation. 

Painting himself as the underdog against EMI, the truly cuntful little man Lurie made out he was just trying to set the balance right for poor-dearly-departed Mrs Sinclair. What a lying old fuckbag! His case was nothing more than a cynical attempt to legally steal from Australian artists by a multi-national. 

I’m so angry I could just shit my own pants! Fuck you Justice Jacobson! Fuck you Larrikin Music Publishing! Most of all: Fuck you, Norm Lurie! I hope you get arse cancer and die! 

Down Under is an iconic Aussie song and while there are many things about this country I don’t like, some things are sacred. Stealing a seminal work of pop culture from the artists who created it is a shitting crime and Norm Lurie and his cronies should be doused in petrol and burned alive. I admire the hell out of Colin Hay for being able to keep his cool over this and I hope to fuck they can appeal this decision and get some proper justice, because when the justice system fails as badly as it has in this situation all I can do is pray that there are armed vigilantes like Paul Kersey out there to set the record straight!

 

Anyone wishing to communicate their displeasure with Mr Lurie in person can use these:

Norm Lurie – Dirty Cunting Shitstick Opportunist.
Email: norml@musicsales.com.au
Tel: +61 2 8252 6200

Sometimes The Thing’s The Thing.

Posted in Boof-head Sporto Fuckwits with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 29, 2009 by Buck Frain

OK. No! I’m wrong! I apologise. I take it all back.

My post from yesterday, forget about it, I think I’ve got it all terribly wrong. Maybe the Queensland Government has got the right idea. Maybe if some thing is a problem, rather than trying to change human behaviour making it a problem we should just remove the thing.

This story is everywhere at the moment and is just the latest in a horrendous trend of male Australian sportsmen, particularly footballers from various codes, raping or otherwise assaulting women 

These guys are completely fucked. Two girls were lured back to a holiday house rented by football players from the Montmorency Football Club for an end-of-year-get-shitfaced-and rape-some-chicks trip. Once they were there and realised they were the only girls at the party, they were allegedly forced into separate bedrooms, wardrobes were used to bar the doors to prevent the girls’ escape and then they were allegedly raped by up to 16 players for several hours. They only escaped in the morning when a brawl erupted between the allegedly stinking drunken animals. 

These men should be lined up, shot, and fed to pigs. 

The Montmorency Football Club should be shut down. Fuck off, who needs you? You’re not a sports club you’re a training ground for criminals and deviates. It appears that someone at the club tried to hire a XXX stripper for the team to have a crack at “no limits” style about a month ago, but it also looks as though their budget wasn’t going to stretch that far, so I guess they just thought they’d grab some freebies. 

montmorencyfc

As a guy I’m reticent to suggest this under any circumstances ever but if we just cut the dicks and balls off all football players (yes, all of them) we can stop this insidious menace to the women of Australia. I hope you don’t think I’m being flippant, I’m not. I think this is the best possible solution and it will instantly stop the problem permanently. Cut all their dicks off. The dicks are the problem. Footballers are stupid so all the education in the world would be a wasted exercise – just look at Sam Newman, he still hasn’t learnt. I say chop ‘em all off.

Footy player?

Oh, Yeah.

Alright we’re cutting your cock off!

But why? I’m a nice guy.

Tough shit, can’t take any chances, you play footy, you’re obviously a fuckwit and probably a rapist given enough booze and a gee-up from your mates. It’s coming off. Get over it.

Oh…OK…Can I still play footy?

Yeah, but you’ll look funny when you run.

Simple as that! Cut off all their dicks and you’ll solve it all forever. They can’t be trusted to use their dicks properly so they shouldn’t be allowed to have them. And seriously, fuck knows they’re not doing the gene pool any favours. There’s no loss here. Human kind can do better.

Queensland Government Fights The War Against Glass!

Posted in Rage Against The Machine with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 28, 2009 by Buck Frain

Good work Queensland, you fucking gimps! What a stupid, stupid place to live. Queensland, the home of XXXX ‘beer’, Bundaberg Rum and rampant stupidity. Let’s ignore the fact that the recalcitrant fucks have refused daylight saving because it fades the curtains and confuses the cows. Let’s ignore the fact that no bastard in the entire state knows how to make a decent cup of coffee. I just want to focus in on this latest piece of idiocy.

The Queensland Government is in the process of banning  glass in pubs. Why? Because the lousy, cowardly bogan fucks of Queensland, just like those found elswhere across the country, have taken to glassing the shit out of anyone they take a dislike to when they’ve got a skin full of piss.

glassing_victim

I don’t think there’s any doubt that glassing is awful. It’s shithouse! There is very little that’s quite as reprehensible as taking glass to an unarmed opponent. It’s a piss-weak piece of hooliganism that seems to have been adopted from the UK – thanks for another fine cultural export, right up there with foxes, small pox and convicts! I have the greatest sympathy for victims of this sort of cowardice, however, the problem I have with the removal of glass from pubs is that it doesn’t solve the fucking problem, it’s just a thoroughly cock-brained piece of policy-making that fucks up everyone’s pub experience. As civilized adults we should be able to enjoy a cold beer from a chilled glass. We should be able to drink wine, or whatever else for that matter, from glass vessels. Glass is beautiful. Organic. Dignified. Plastic is carcinogenic and arse! We shouldn’t be relegated to slurping out of plastic beakers like children just because there are a percentage douche bags in our midst. Why should everyone’s lifestyle take a dive because a minority is fucked in the head? IT CUNTING WELL SHOULDN’T!!!

broken-glass

If you take a glass to someone you should be charged with attempted murder. That’s what it is. Glass is a potentially lethal weapon. You glass someone, you may not be trying to kill them, but you are maliciously trying to permanently disfigure them in a way that will – especially in a society as superficial as ours – destroy their life as they know it. You should be locked away for the rest of your stupid life. Get fucked! You should not be allowed to be part of society. It’s that fucking simple. I realise that people are stupid and that drunk people are doubly so but, seriously, a fuckload more people would exercise some restraint if they thought they’d never see the light of day again. Lock the dickheads away. Shut them away forever. Until they fucking well die. Then the rest of us can get back to enjoying our beers out of good old pint glasses like grown-ups rather than drinking out of plastic cups like we’re at some 7 year old’s birthday party.

If you ban glass, society’s shit-sticks will just find other things to mutilate people with. What will you ban next? Pool cues? Pool balls and anyone wearing socks? Chairs? Pencils? What exactly will you be left with? Why not ban alcohol? While you’re at it ban cars, toasters, lawnmowers, cutlery and toothbrushes? Why not ban razor blades – they’re fucking dangerous, and fuck it, I’ll still feel like a man shaving my face with Veet! WHY NOT MAKE THE ENTIRE WORLD OUT OF CUNTING MARSHMALLOWS??? WHY NOT JUST FUCKING KILL YOURSELVES YOU FUCKING USELESS, TERRIFIED CUNTS??? FOR FUCK’S SAKE: TAKE THE FUCKHEADS AND LOCK THEM AWAY!!! THAT’S WHAT WE HAVE CUNTING PRISONS FOR!!!

Hey Hey WHAT century are we living in?

Posted in Shit That Sucks & Blows with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 8, 2009 by Buck Frain

This is what passes for entertainment in Australia. It was on national TV last night and today the media is awash with debate about whether or not it constituted racism. The general consensus from the bogan masses of this country seems to be that everyone should get a sense of humour and have good old brain-dead laugh at it all. I tend to think that if you don’t believe it was racist, YOU ARE A RACIST! You may not be burning crosses, wearing pillow cases on your head or trying to murder people but you’re a lousy racist sack of shit all the same.

Some Australians seem to be under the misapprehension that if they think something funny, that perception of humour cancels out any perception of racism experienced by anyone else. IT CUNTING WELL DOESN’T! It’s the sort of boozy logic that leads footy players to think that because they want the girl she automatically wants all of them. She may have thought she was gang-raped but that was just her being a bad sport and she should really get over it. If she wasn’t so uptight she’d admit that in fact she had a great time. 

Too much? Let’s look at it seriously. What is funny about the above skit? There was no amazing choreographic homage; there was no satirical reworking of MJ’s lyrics. It was white people dressed in black face and an Indian guy who says he’s never been called racist in his life (because if your skin is brown you can’t possibly be racist, can you?) dressed in white face. These shining members of the Australian medical profession – yes, these are educated Australians – have gone two for one, compounding racism with bad taste. Perhaps the best value in the sewer this week. Perhaps not. 

But it was just a bit of fun. 

Really? Take away the make up and what do you have? Oh yeah, nothing! That was the act. That was the gag.

It’s funny because they’re white guys who are pretending to be black! See, that guy’s face is painted white because MJ was black but he looked white! He’s pretending to be a black guy who’s self-mutilating to make himself look like a white guy due to his deep self-hatred, a legacy left over from an abusive childhood! Aaaaaaaaahahahahahahaha get me another pair of pants! That’s gold!

FUCK YOU!!! 

Australia is a very racist country. We don’t like to think of ourselves as racist but that’s just denial. Refer to the last 221 years. We usually hide it behind a mask of humour nowadays but that doesn’t make it any less ignorant or wrong. Pretending it’s all matesy Aah, you ol’ black bastard, ya! doesn’t remove the degradation, humiliation or inherent violence from it. It just makes you feel better about being a cunt. Racism hurts people and divides society. It is ugly and absurd. If you want to make racist jokes with your racist mates, don’t fucking well do it in public, keep that feral shit to yourself! 

I do have a sense of humour but I fail to see anything funny about a plastic surgeon making racist jokes with his rich doctor mates on national TV insulting a recently deceased legend who was plagued with the sort of psychological problems that keep said plastic surgeon and his industry in business. At the very least it was in extremely poor taste but if we’re truly honest with ourselves we have to acknowledge it as bare-faced racism and spurn it as such. Fuck you, Channel 9 for approving this shit for broadcast! Fuck you, Hey Hey It’s Saturday, for being a shitty, out-dated dog turd of a show recycling 20 year old bigotry. Fuck you, redneck bogan wankers of Australia, who are too stupid to realise you are racist scum-sucking cretins! FUCKING DIE!!!

Australian_racism 

To Harry Connick Jr, respect! Nice work calling it like it is and having the balls to go against the grain in a foreign land.