Archive for the 10 People I’d Love To Smash Category

10 People I’d Love To Smash – #4

Posted in 10 People I'd Love To Smash with tags , , , , , , , , on April 15, 2008 by Buck Frain

#4: Thomas Towle

If only it was against the law to be fucked in the head. If only there was some sort of test that everyone had to do to weed out the Criminally Fucked In The Head from the rest of us in order that regular citizens might be made a little safer. I’m not talking intellectual elitism, just filtering out the toxically imbecilic.

 

If it wasn’t in the news you’d never believe anyone could actually be this much of a fuckhead.

 

Imagine:  You used to have a problem with smack and amphetamines. That’s OK because you’re on methadone now. Although tonight you haven’t had your medication and you’re drunk instead. So you get in the car. Pissed. You’ve got a string of offences under your belt for drink-driving, driving while disqualified, you name it, you’re a serial offender when it comes to vehicles. Next, you put your kids in the car. Nine year old daughter in the back seat and your four year old son, who wants to drive like Dad, well what would any dad do? You put him on your knee and let him steer. Before you leave, your brother asks you if you’ve seen all the kids from the party down the road. You say you have. He tells you to be careful driving back. What happens next?

 

Because you’re Criminally Fucked In The Head, this: You drive at speeds of up to 150km/h with your four year old in your lap until you lose control of the car and plough into the group of teenagers you were warned about, killing six and wounding eight. Then… you run away, leaving your children, one of whom is also injured, behind in your car.

 

But, hang on, you then tell someone else to call an ambulance. I mean… you don’t call anyone yourself but you get it done, you’re not a monster.

 

 

Thomas Towle is appealing the 10 year sentence he has just received for six counts of dangerous driving causing death and four of dangerous driving causing serious injury, despite the fact that he could be out in only five years from now. Friends and relatives describe him as a very nice quiet person. He is a loving boy. He has always been lovely.

 

Rottweilers are often described as lovely by their owners, but they get put to sleep after mauling a child. Thomas Towle is a rottweiler who mauled 14 children. He’s human excrement. He should be used as a fucking speed hump. Nice guy? I don’t care. 10 years? Fuck you! This level of fuckheadedness should not be tolerated by society. He should never see the light of day again. What possible benefit does society gain by having someone like him re-introduced back into it? He is pathologically stupid, he’s an unredeemable menace to society. Why let him keep fucking up the lives of others? Fuck, I’d be happy to run the prick over, I’d back over him to make sure he was finished. It would be a mercy killing, a sweet mercy for society. Putting him out of our misery. Fuck you Thomas Towle, I hope you get stabbed in the fucking shower.

10 People I’d Love To Smash – #3

Posted in 10 People I'd Love To Smash with tags , , , , , , , , on April 14, 2008 by Buck Frain

#3: David Koch

Oh fuck and cunting Jesus! It’s Monday morning and I’ve managed to get up early enough to see this complete twat’s bald mug on the TV. Well, that’s just buggered my week. David Koch. Kochie, as he’s known by most Australians, is a smarmy ballbag. His voice is the high-pitched whine of middle-class, middle-aged, emasculated Liberal voters. The financial journalist and morning show presenter is a simpering, sycophantic right-wing reactionary fuckstick and the only reason he’s tolerated on TV at all is that he’s such a wimp that no-one feels genuinely threatened by his half-arsed-ashamedly-conservative rhetoric. He’d love nothing more than to see Australia return to John Howard’s 1950s – a world before anyone had ever had sex and when the only people you’d see on the street were white people unless they were aborigines and they weren’t even people back then so you didn’t really see them because they weren’t really there.

According to this, he’s not only won numerous awards for his contributions to finance journalism in this country, he was also Father Of The Year last year. It is terrifying that he’s managed to pass those genes on and hideous to think someone actually slept with this wanker (and more than once). People are fucking sick. According to an anonymous source who went to school with Kochie’s son – he’s a complete fuckwit too. Kochie needs to be taken to with a cricket bat. He won’t learn anything but it’d be fun for the sounds of bat on bald.

 

10 People I’d Love To Smash – # 2.

Posted in 10 People I'd Love To Smash with tags , , , , , , , , on April 13, 2008 by Buck Frain

#2: The chick off the iSelect commercials.

What an obnoxious woman, what an obnoxious campaign. The timbre of her voice seems to have been specifically chosen by the ad exec’s for its ability to stimulate bile production and unfettered rage in humans. If I ever meet someone who admits to writing that shit I’ll fucking glass them on the spot. I’ve yet to meet a person who is unmoved by or who actually appreciates these ads. Everyone I have spoken to hates them and, as a result, her with a passion. I know actors need to work, but FUCK! Show a little restraint: wait tables, do some Shakespeare-in-the-fuckin’-park. Anyone with even a couple of grey cells could tell you: That shit ain’t funny! It’s annoying, it’s fucked, it fills me with violent impulses and fuck knows I don’t need more. Health insurance? – FUCK YOU! If I ever buy health insurance I swear I’ll be happy to pay higher premiums every week for the rest of my life than give one cent to those FUCKERS. Fuck you iSelect, fuck you Camilla Jackson and your big fucking break, FUCK OFF AND DIE! She can’t act and her voice could put the veins in blue cheese. She should be used as a crash test dummy.

 You’d have to be picking you own teeth and fragments of facial bone off the road to buy health insurance any other way!

10 People I’d Love To Smash

Posted in 10 People I'd Love To Smash with tags , , , , , on April 12, 2008 by Buck Frain

I the name of being more regular with my postings I am embarking on a ten part series about some of the people who, in a world without legal repercussions or moral dilemmas, I’d really enjoy exacting physical violence upon.

 

I’ll apologise up front to my international readers for the Australo-centric nature of this list. I have one or two candidates who everyone should recognize and I’ll endeavour to include enough links with the others that you can come to some understanding of my wrath.

 

If you have a special someone you think should be included in this list, you’re welcome to either comment below or email me at buck.frain@gmail.com Whilst I’m pretty happy with my ten, I’m quite willing to believe I may have overlooked someone more deserving of divine fury.

 

I’ll also make the disclaimer: I will not be including any politicians. When thinking about the list I almost filled it entirely with politicians so I’m considering giving them their own list sometime down the track. The only thing that discourages me from that idea is that 99% of people who enter politics should quite rightly be bludgeoned without mercy, so it’d be kinda like shooting fish in a barrel. Then of course, the dilemma of how to stop at only ten?

 

 

So, in no particular order I give you 10 People I’d Love To Smash:

 

 

#1: Sam Newman

 

John “Sam” Newman is a racist, sexist, homophobic arsehole, a bully and a fuckwit. At 62 years old, the retired AFL footballer turned media personality is living proof that a man may experience much in life and learn absolutely nothing. He is a narcissistic mask of faux superiority based on a remembered boof-head-footy-player past and supported by retarded sexuality and contempt for anyone that isn’t him. He’s a walking warning on the dangers of sports psychology. On national TV he’s guilty of dressing up in blackface to mock indigenous footballer Nicky Winmar, exposing his genitals, humiliating his own son, and most recently a misogynistic attack on journalist and TV presenter Caroline Wilson. For a more comprehensive list click here. For fuck’s sake, he had Botox done on TV! His interviewing technique consists of insulting people or, failing that, over-articulating the new multi-syllabic word he’s learnt and using it to patronise them.

 

Despite numerous brushes with death he remains unchanged. A near fatal kidney injury in 1967 failed to make him have that “long hard look at himself”. Being deliberately run over by the mother of one of his children and prostate cancer have also failed to unearth any humanity in him.

 

I’m elated he’s had his prostate removed, I hope with all my heart that he can’t fuck anymore and that he keeps pissing himself. He’s paid ridiculous amounts of money by Channel Nine et al and his sole purpose is to lower the I.Q. of Australia. There’s a line in Mamet’s American Buffalo: “The only way to teach these people is to kill them.” So very true. Sam Newman should be beaten to death by an angry mob wielding footy socks containing pool balls. While I’m not a big fan of mobs I’ll make an exception for Sam, he’s a cunt.