Archive for the 10 People I’d Love To Smash Category

Happy Shitting Birthday! Pape smear, anyone?

Posted in 10 People I'd Love To Smash with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 21, 2009 by Buck Frain

I didn’t get a cake but if I had, I imagine it would have looked like this:

shitcake

This week marked the 1st anniversary of the creation of Buck Frain’s Angry Place. Happy Birthday, Place! One whole year of public spleen-venting…and what a cunt of a year it’s been! I’ve gotta say I’m surprised that people have actually paid any notice to my ravings, it proves to me that the world is a far sicker place than even I had imagined. Nonetheless, I thank you all for your attention, your adoration, contempt and disdain and your comments, positive and negative alike. Ya fuckin’ sickos! Rest assured, there’s plenty of rage left in the tank, I’m just as fucked off as I was this time last year but then not a lot has improved in the world so what the shit does anyone expect?

 

This year everything was starting to look OK for everyone who earned less than $80,000 last year with the government announcing a stimulus package to support working Australians that would see us all get a rebate of $900. That’s $900 cash. Each. From the government…for free! That’s brilliant! It’s excellent! At a time when we’re all pretty fucked, the government actually gives something back to the people who fuckin’ need it! Woohoo!!!

 

But then, a slimy-toe-rag lawyer, university lecturer and former National Party toady named Bryan Pape came along and has challenged this payout in The High Court. BASTARD! He says it’s unconstitutional…and The High Court is hearing him on 30th March! THE ROTTEN, MISANTHROPIC, BALL-GRATING, EAR-FUCK!!!

 

He’s wealthy, he’s a miserable old cock-sucker and he wants all that money – your and my fucking money – to go back to the shitting government! It was ours to start with anyway, it was our cunting tax money! If the government wants to give some of it back, why the steaming-shit-sandwich should that be deemed unconstitutional??? ARSE!!!

 

Well fuck that, I’m not putting up with it! If The High Court knows what’s good for it it’ll boot Bryan Pape out on his wrinkly old arse and tell him to go and get fucked by bikers! I mean, what could be more un-Australian that stealing $900 each off 8.7 million members of the working population. He’d better hope his case fails because if it succeeds  there won’t be a pub in Australia where the cunt can safely get a beer! So, in the interest of public vengeance, on the chance that this ridiculous, mean-spirited old wanker actually succeeds in robbing honest Australians of a bit of relief, I offer this:

 

KNOW YOUR ENEMY!

This is him. And his contact details. This cunt is Bryan Pape, the old bastard hell-bent on robbing you of your $900. Feel free to drop him a line and tell him what you think of his plan! Hell, find out where he lives! Have a shit on his mum!

bryan_pape

 Once again, I suppose for the benefit of those without a sense of humour or who are in some other respect gorm deficient,  I should clearly state: This is not really a call to action. I do not wish any actual harm to come to Bryan Pape no matter how much of a twat I think he is. For cunt’s shitting sake, this whole site is just intended as a bit of a laugh, chill the fuck out.  If I asked you to jump off a bridge, would you do that too? Actually, that’s not a bad idea: Jump off a fucking bridge! I can recommend the West Gate and the Bolte if you’re in Melbourne. Please, for fuck’s sake, don’t waste yourself in front of a train – the fucking things get delayed or cancelled enough without useless cunts clogging up the wheels. Remember, some of us do have something to live for!

10 People I’d Love To Smash – #10

Posted in 10 People I'd Love To Smash with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 22, 2008 by Buck Frain

#10: Kyle Sandilands


If you took a spiteful, cowardly, metrosexual cane toad and dressed it up with a faux mo and a designer beard you’d have something resembling Kyle Sandilands – Australia’s Littlest Fat-Cunt. Loathing is not nearly a strong enough word to describe the feeling I have towards him. 

When interviewed on Enough Rope last year, speaking of his childhood, he painted himself as a superficial, materialistic child who fantasised about being rich, cut out pictures of crystal vases and put them in a scrap book. Now, that’s just fuckin’ creepy!

Then the traumatic tale of how he’d spent time living on the street after being kicked out of his comfortable middle-class existence by mum and step-dad for throwing a miniature Corey Delaney party when they went away. This, I’m sure, was the bit where we were supposed to see the vulnerable, human Kyle. All I saw was an angry little turd who went off half-cocked at his parents, who were rightly pissed at him, and has used that as justification for all the nastiness he’s felt inclined to inflict on the world ever since. Emotionally, it’s clear he never moved past this incident and is still an angsty, self-absorbed, attention-seeking teenager at heart. Unfortunately for everyone else in the country, instead of doing adolescent stuff like spray-painting “fuck” on a wall, he’s got a national audience and he can carve it into people’s souls with his cruel pranks and insults. 

On radio, he rapes ordinary people’s lives with no regard for the personal, emotional carnage left in his wake, and all in the name of ratings. On Australian Idol he mostly sticks to attacking girls about their physical appearance. I mean, fuck – he doesn’t know anything about music so what else is there to do? He gets paid enormous amounts of money for this, for bullying women. Why? Maybe because that’s what Australians want. I don’t know, maybe we want to see girls being bullied, maybe that’s what our society has come to – misogynist rage. 

Predictably, like all piss-weak, soft-cock, woman beaters, he never takes responsibility for his actions and he can’t take it when he’s the one copping the abuse. I will always love comedian Dave Hughes for calling him a dickhead at the Logies! Kyle snapped the carrot, repeating whenever he got the opportunity how he would punch Hughesy in the throat. Ooh, hard man! In the throat! Tough guy! He even said he was happy to do jail time pay it off, hmm, does little Kylie just want to be a big-man’s bitch? At any rate, Hughesy would kick Kyle’s stupid arse and, you know, I’d pay to see that shit, for sure.

Most recently, Kyle has had a go at TV host/ comedian/ producer/ good bloke/ icon Rove McManus. Not to his face, like a man. Not with any fear of a reply – no, leave nothing to chance, weaklings. After a phone conversation on radio with Rove – The Cane Toad slagged him off after hanging up! GROW SOME BALLS, YOU LITTLE FAT FUCK! 

Kyle Sandilands’ entire career is built upon bullying, lowbrow abuse and exploiting people from his position of power, be it as shock-jock or TV personality. Winner of Who Weekly Most Hated Man, FHM Tosser of the Year, Fugly Awards Worst Male Personality on TV, he isn’t smart, witty or funny, he’s just a sadistic child with a magnifying glass. He is devoid of empathy, he has nasty small hands and I wish I could chop him up and sell him for his blood and organs. 

I would love to smash Kyle Sandilands. Fuck you, Kyle, I hope you’re in therapy and I pray your therapist is convincing you that suicide is a valid option because, for you, IT IS!!!

10 People I’d Love To Smash – #9

Posted in 10 People I'd Love To Smash with tags , , , , , , , , on April 21, 2008 by Buck Frain

#9: Lleyton Hewitt

Little Wanker. I could just leave it at that, it sort of says it all.

Straight out of the reclaimed wasteland of West Lakes SA, Lleyton Hewitt turned professional at 17 and quickly became known as Little Wanker for his on-court antics. Pumping himself up with screams of C’mon! and occasionally C’mon Balboa! in a homage to the Rocky franchise and his trademark vicht salute which he slyly appropriated from Swedish pro Niclas Kroon when the patent lapsed.  Most of the mindless, illiterate bogans who worship him refer to this as doing a Lleyton, if only they realised that it’s really signified opportunistic theft as much as victory. How very convict-chic!

In all fairness, there are very few of us who could honestly say we weren’t wankers at the age of 17, and fame and fortune can’t make that any easier. The real litmus test, however, is that a reasonable proportion of us change. Change is theoretically made easier by the presence of material wealth as it is this that facilitates choice and makes self-improvement more of an easy option. Unfortunately, Lleyton has not yet availed himself of this opportunity. Instead, the juvenile antics continue and his sporting achievements wane and then there’s this:

The former World No. 1 married Bec Cartwright – former soapie star, a girl with no discernable ability or character that might challenge or upstage L-Wank. She’s the cottage cheese of womanhood, bland and uninteresting, non-threatening, low fat and very G-rated. The sort of woman you fuck when you really just want to fuck yourself. Let’s not forget that Lleyton-lookalike Kim Klijsters might have been the girl had she not possessed talent and character. L-Wank and Bec have been cited by conservative tools like number 8 as a portrait of what hetero-sexual-nuclear-families are supposed to be like, and they have been breeding much to the delight of the tabloids and masses of overweight, Channel 9-watching fucktards. They make me want to vomit. It’s like a 1950’s Westinghouse commercial with extra blonde.

Lleyton Hewitt is a little wanker, an arseclown and a fuckstick. Childish, petulant, occasionally racist and homophobic – the little man’s boof-head. I’d love to smash Lleyton Hewitt, in the front bar with a pool cue, old-school, like the little bogan fuckwaste he is.

10 People I’d Love To Smash – #8.

Posted in 10 People I'd Love To Smash with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on April 20, 2008 by Buck Frain

#8: Andrew Bolt

Andrew Bolt is a complete arse. Racist, sexist, homophobic, fascist, smug, private school fuckhead. He’s a voice of idiocy, denial, bigotry and the most malignant kind of stupidity unfortunately tolerated in society. The only difficulty with freedom of speech is having to listen to cunts like Bolt. However, the truly frightening things are that he is paid for the social cancer that is his opinion and that the previous government placed so much stock in him. The fuckers quoted him like he was Jesus, only an evil, fear-monger Jesus.

For those of you unfamiliar with his work here’s a snapshot of Boltworld:

  • Global warming is a fiction invented by hippies and malcontents.
  • The Stolen Generation (a holocaust for indigenous Australians) never happened.
  • The war in Iraq has already been won –yeah, by the U.S.A et al.
  • It’s all those non-white people who are the real racists and we should treat them with fear and suspicion if they can’t easily be subjugated.
  • Gay marriage is the same as polygamy.
  • Finding Nemo is preaching dangerous nonsense to our children – this is a personal favourite.

Let me frame this by saying Andrew Bolt is a professional columnist and associate editor for Rupert Murdoch’s Herald Sun newspaper. Now, I’m not a journalist, I’m just an angry bastard, but I’d like to think that on my good days at least I make some sense. Bolt’s writing has no journalistic integrity, he works back from pre-decided conclusions and then beats or cooks the facts into a shape where they appear to prove said conclusions. Even at the expense of logic. He won’t even allow negative comment on his blog site, difference of opinion is just too challenging – racism and idiocy is fine but genuine criticism is off-limits.

For a taste of Bolt’s own wankery go here.

For articulate and dedicated criticism of Bolt go here.

For me, it’s Sunday and I’m going to leave you with this: Andrew Bolt is a psychological terrorist and he should be sent to Guantanamo Bay and water-boarded. In another time he’d have been a Nazi sympathiser, he wouldn’t have had the stomach for hands-on fascism but he’d have been happy to be a propagandist or to turn on the gas in the showers. Feel free to say whatever you like about the article or me – I don’t give a fuck – Bolt’s a twat, his continued popularity simply demonstrates that there’s no shortage of ignorance in this country!

10 People I’d Love To Smash – #7

Posted in 10 People I'd Love To Smash with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on April 19, 2008 by Buck Frain

#7: Natalie Bassingthwaighte

If her surname alone wasn’t enough to make you want to smash her, the person herself seals the deal easily. Channel 10’s product, Bashing-twat is a portrait of bland Australian mediocrity at its most saccharine and fucked. Made a household name through her acting in the Channel 10 soap/crime-against-humanity Neighbours, she went on to pursue a singing career with The Rogue Traders, a cuntfully awful band shamelessly promoted by Channel 10 to little end. Most people still know they’re shit, despite contrived appearances to paid enthusiasm on Big Brother and anywhere else Channel 10 could squeeze them in. As a solo artist, she completely fucked her half of the duet Don’t Give Up with Channel 10’s own Shannon Noll and all the post-production in the world couldn’t hide her vocal shitness. Nowadays you can find her on Channel 10 hosting So You Think You Can Dance. I don’t care what you think of the show, Bashing-twat makes me so angry I want to smash my own house to pieces, her voice and her stupid fucking head just piss me off. I haven’t read her book, Sistahood : A Journal of Self-Discovery  that she wrote with her own sista. Get FUCKED!!!! I fucking hate the way she’s used hip-hop spelling to give herself cred with the kids. EAT MY SHIT, YOU CUNT! I won’t be reading it, even though it’s the first thing she’s done without the help of the Channel 10 puppeteers, I’m fuckin’ over it all.

Natalie Bassingthwaighte is fucking useless. Can’t act, can’t sing, can’t fucking present and with all the Botox she’s had, the poor bitch can’t even pull a face. She’s utter crap, a quasi-blonde façade, fashioned by Channel 10 executives to bore the masses into submission and make us crave a commercial break for the honest retail relief it brings. She should be taken away and quietly poisoned for the soulless, vacuous, generic mediocrity she fronts.

 

10 People I’d Love To Smash – #6

Posted in 10 People I'd Love To Smash with tags , , , , , , , , on April 18, 2008 by Buck Frain

#6: Grant Hackett

Yes, Grant Hackett. Yes, the revered captain of the Australian Swimming Team. Yes, I’d love to smash him, the lanky, muesli-bar-selling ballbag.

I would have got to him sooner but I’ve been pissed off about more important stuff and to be honest most things are more important than swimming unless you’re actually in water which I’m not so get fucked.

I know most sports people are just fucking idiots who’ve exploited a genetic predisposition to be good at something, which is of no practical use to humanity, to make ridiculous amounts of money. Whilst Hackett isn’t as much of a boof-head or criminal as some of the others I’ve maligned, he does illustrate the fact that any social good inspired by sporting prowess or spirit is dead and all that remains is the business.

In many sports and in many countries the Olympic spirit still endures. That spirit of the amateur athlete, the person who has a regular life but then dedicates what’s left to excelling in a particular sporting discipline, who then comes to compete with other amateurs from around the world in the spirit of brotherhood and the safe knowledge that there are other things in life apart from sport. That shit’s dead in Australia. Cunts like Hackett aren’t amateurs. They live their sport 24 hours a day and make a killing off endorsements, they are professionals, and in a world of professionals generally the people with the most money win. So, here’s my bitch:

  • March 22nd – Hackett speaks out against a boycott of the Beijing games in protest of China’s actions in Tibet. Why? Because the boycotts in the 80’s didn’t do any good and sport’s not political. GET FUCKED! Protesting is about taking a political stance. Nobody protests anything because it’s good business or even necessarily because they think they can win. The guy in Tiananman Square faced off with a tank not because he thought he could beat it, but because he believed in a principle. Completely. Hackett wants to make some money and really doesn’t give a fuck who has to die so long as he gets his cash and glory. Of course sport’s political, everything is political. He just doesn’t want to miss his chance in the spotlight now that Ian Thorpe has got bored with the splashing around. Hackett sells us self-interest and says it’s OK to indirectly profit financially from cultural genocide. Great message!

  • March 31st – Hackett’s in the press again, this time saying what a pissing shame it would be for young boof-head Nick D’Arcy to be banned from competing in Beijing just because of an assault causing grievous bodily harm charge due to his beating former swimmer Simon Cowley to a bloody pulp in a bar brawl smashing half the bones in the guy’s face. Criminally violent much? I mean, what the fuck? Thank goodness D’Arcy has today been banned from competing in Beijing, I hope his appeal against the decision fails. Usually good athletes get rewarded for these sorts of indiscretions with second chances, taxpayer funded holidays and the adulation of the masses. Why? Because they can swim fast and that means something. Because sporting prowess is more important in this country than the law, morals, or human rights.

Our whole country needs to be bitch-slapped over this lack of perspective, but for now: fuck Grant Hackett, for being the spokeperson for yet another campaign of denial and malignant stupidity. He needs his head slammed in a car door 40 or 50 times, Vinnie Jones style.

10 People I’d Love To Smash – #5

Posted in 10 People I'd Love To Smash with tags , , , , , , , , on April 16, 2008 by Buck Frain

#5: Ben Affleck

I think most people, deep down inside, even if they find him attractive, don’t really like Ben Affleck. He is recognized the world over as that arsehole who always plays arseholes in movies. I first saw him in Dazed & Confused – brilliant movie – and took an instant dislike to him. He just smacks of …cunt. He looks like that character in Mall Rats who fucks your girlfriend in the arse, and not just because he played him, but because it’s impossible to believe he’s actually not that much of a bastard. He’s the sort of person who, if you saw him copping a beating in a dark alley, rather than calling for help you’d quietly walk up and ask: Can I have a go?

 Pearl Harbour was a cunt of a film and he was shit in it, absolute shit – that song in Team America is completely justified! Daredevil, Gigli and Surviving Christmas are some of the worst films ever inflicted on the world, and again, there’s Affleck cunting it up like the shit-coated fuckbag he is.

 I’ve done a bit of research on him in preparation for this rant and, in truth, he seems remarkably well-liked and respected. He supports good causes and does a great deal to try and make life better for others. However, many people still hate his guts, not for anything he’s actually done but more because he looks like a loathsome piece of smug shit. On a purely aesthetic level, he’s a bum-chin-big-stupid-jaw bastard, he reeks of smashworthiness and I’d love to punch him right in his stupid head. Yeah, he’d probably kick my arse, but then I’d be certain he’s a bastard! Get fucked, Ben Affleck!

 Snow shovel? That’s what I’m talkin’ about!