All-in-one Kitchen Revolution!

Amazing breakthrough technology. 

Imagine a device so flexible and multi-purposed that it allowed you to throw away virtually all of your cumbersome kitchen appliances in one go.

It’s a slow-cooker, it’s a rice cooker, a bread maker, pie maker, fryer, boiler, roaster, steamer, griller and more. Entrees, mains, desserts, it can do them all. It make a thanksgiving dinner for the whole family, it can toast bread, it can even make you a cup of tea or coffee!!!

Anything you need to cook that requires heat can be prepared to gourmet chefs’ standards using this one device. 

How much would you pay for such an appliance? 

How about NOTHING AT ALL? 

Too good to be true? 

Not so! 

In Australia every house either rented or sold has one of these devices ALREADY!!! 

Yes, you miserable shit-sucking fuckholes, IT’S YOUR FUCKING OVEN!!! 

LEARN TO FUCKING USE IT AND STOP TWATTING ON ABOUT DOUCHEBAG, STUPID, PIECE-OF-SHIT APPLIANCES YOU’VE BEEN CONNED INTO BUYING BECAUSE YOU’RE A CUNTING USELESS PIECE OF MINDLESS EXCREMENT!!! 

LEARN TO COOK OR KILL YOURSELF AND SHUT THE  FUCK UP BECAUSE I’M FUCKING TIRED OF IT!!!

7 Responses to “All-in-one Kitchen Revolution!”

  1. I was intrigued by this new thing you call an ‘oven’ so I went to Hardly Normals to further investigate. Indeed, this marvellous invention can do everything you claim, but I’m hesitant because of its major shortcomings:
    – I couldn’t find a model that was endorsed by a has-been b-list celebrity, so how can I be sure it will work
    – None of them are designed to ‘knock out the fat’ so how can I continue deluding myself that the artery clogging food I’m eating is ok.
    – Despite even asking they wouldn’t give me 2 sets of knives with the purchase of an oven.
    – I would either have to buy food that isn’t frozen buy a dish to put my frozen meals into because the packaging would melt in an oven

    While this oven thing is a good concept, I think it is just a bit of a novelty and will never catch on.

  2. Most people don’t have ovens in Japan: people use a little “2 burner and very small grill” contraption.

    … I guess that’s why sashimi/sushi are so popular … and Christmas isn’t celebrated.

  3. FUCK YOU TELSTRA. Yes, this comment might have nothing to do with the article, but none the less I think it should be said as many times as possible.

    So FUCK YOU TELSTRA.

    Stupid pricks don’t know what a contract it, they agreed to provide me a service and I agreed to pay for that service. Why should I have to still pay when they aren’t providing the service they claimed they would.

    FUCK YOU TELSTRA.

    And while I’m at it, FUCK YOU COLES.

  4. As the only person in my household who can operate an oven without setting shit on fire, I find myself in agreeance with you.

    FACT: 99% of males cannot turn two knobs and shove food on a tray.

    • “…agreeance…”? I’m not sure you can do that to the English language Kat. I certainly think you shouldn’t.

      I’m also going to question the verisimilitude of your so called fact. Have you, (for instance), undertaken a survey of males that aren’t in some way related to you? Is it possible that you made an error of judgement when it came to choosing your male cohabitants? Do you ever leave the house?

      Have you contemplated teaching your male counterparts not to put shit in the oven? Shit may be prone to burning, (I confess ignorance here as I have not ever put shit in my oven), I imagine it depends upon the moisture content of the article in question, and thus may be unsuitable for baking. The authoritative way I write of such things is due to the fact that I know how to use my oven, which according to the above “Kat fact”, means that Buck and I must be 1 in 100 men! Or were you just making a gross generalisation based on the coffin dodging fuckbiscuits you live with?

      I think that you have missed the point of Buck’s refrain Kat. I don’t see any evidence in the above post of female chauvinism. At the very least your masculine intimates are attempting to use the oven, presumably because they are yet to buy the fecanator 1000 that guarantees a perfect steaming hot turd every time. So by using the oven they have avoided being the subject of this rant. Although I suspect Mr Frain may have something to say about their tendency to cook fecal matter.

      As always Buck, vitriol delivered with poignancy and aplomb.

  5. Joey Jo Jo Jr Says:

    RE: KAT

    FACT: 99% of females can’t pull on a piece of rope. They have no problem pushing a pram around, so it has to be the pulling on a piece of rope bit that stops them from mowing the lawn.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: