FACT: A Piece Of Shit That Glitters Is Still A Piece Of Shit!

I’ve held my fucking peace on this for as long as I can but, unfortunately, today I’ve seen one gormless Twilight-merchandise-clad teen too many. That one idiotic straw has crippled my camel and I’m ready to buy a fuckload of guns and decimate the population if I don’t get this out. TWILIGHT IS FUCKING SHIT!!! It is! It’s a big pile of horseshit and if you like it you should grab the nearest blade and fucking end yourself – you’d be doing the world a big cunting favour!

 

What a reprehensibly ugly literary idea. I can imagine the creative process that went into this. 

Hmm…what if draculas were sparkly? Ooh yeah, that’s great because draculas are pretty scary and if they were sparkly and all into teenage girls, not like 200 year old pedos, but like really hot teenage boys…but, y’know, a bit more murdery. Yeah that’d be the best! Just when girls think they’re too grown up for unicorns they can fall in love with a sparkly dracula who’ll get them all juiced up but way too scared to actually have sex. I mean, shit, I don’t wanna get chucked out of my church, I just wanna cash in! 

The real tragedy is they all buy it. They fucking love it, they buy it and they buy every stupid fucking thing to do with it. It makes me want to staple a cat to my balls and go to a remedial dog obedience session! GET FUCKED!!! I realise everyone needs a bit of fantasy but cunting well think about it. I am an adult. I don’t think I’m alone in that I can’t think of many things worse than conversing with teenagers. People with no life experience to draw on but an absolute knowledge that no-one has ever gone through anything like the nothing they’re going through. Now honestly ask yourself this: If you had a couple of hundred years to learn and experience the world, would the petty, empty, self-absorbed shitness of teenagers suddenly become more magical?

I THINK FUCKING NOT!!! 

Or think about it another way: If you were immortal and had superpowers, could you think of something more fun to do than going to high school? If you answered no to this question you really need to go back to the whole suicide idea and give it a bit more thought because life is being wasted on you. 

Fuck you, Stephanie Meyer! Fuck you, Bella! Fuck you, Edward! Fuck you, consumers of this utter trash! ARSE!!!

10 Responses to “FACT: A Piece Of Shit That Glitters Is Still A Piece Of Shit!”

  1. Yeah. In this day and age of old psychos and predators assuming the identity of teenage romantic desperados on social networking sites to deceive young women into some kind of fateful and often fatal rendezvous, this kind of shitful and horrid literary production (Twilight) should be shelved, permanently. Of course the idea that a kid can wave his magic wand (Harry Potter) and make everything go away is just as bad. Like I always say, DIE POTTER!

  2. Still better than a fucking Jane Austin novel.

  3. I’m sure Blade could wipe out these Twilight people before … twilight????

  4. Ha too true! just goes to prove that you cannot polish a turd, but you can roll it in sparkles..

  5. hahahaha! Gold.

    Vampires are ghey and everyone knows it. This point was highlighted in interview with a vampire when that homo vampire Cruise played turned pre-pubesent Kirsten Dunst into a vampire effectively killing the age old “couple of footy seasons” rule of thumb.

    Also Kristen Stewarts mouth is far to close to her nose and that really bothers me!

  6. Well said. And I won’t even read the thing to see if you are right, because I suspect that you are. Maybe I’ll download the book a few hundred times and delete it every time, just to make Ms. Meyer pissed off.

    Plus the woman apparently is some kind of Christian. Enough said.

  7. Come on!
    Come ON!
    Can I ask you guys a Question?
    Are you guys bored? Don’t you guys have something called a.. Life?
    I mean, I really don’t know who’s worse.. The people who read Twilight or the people who try to ban the twilight books? Cuz they think there is too much fantasy in it? OMG, pleaase.. Visit the site.. *Shakes head*

  8. Joe Average Says:

    I miss nosferatu…

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