No, stupid bogan, you don’t own an American car!

Sometimes I just want to shoot people in the face. There are those people who I honestly think can only be helped by having the addled contents of their craniums aired out and spread over a 10 metre radius.

The Holden Commodore has been one of the most popular Australian made sedans of the last 30 years. In fact it is so popular in Australia that it has oft been referred to as the Holden Clitoris due to the fact that every cunt’s got one! 

I appreciate the need to stand out from the crowd but over the last couple of years there has been a growing phenomenon amongst the cashed-up-brainless-fuck-knuckle set of taking the Holden badges off their Commodores and replacing them with Chevrolet badges. 

The motivation for doing this is hazy at best but is generally perceived to be a moronic attempt to make an extremely unimaginative choice of motor vehicle appear a little more exotic.

  1. It doesn’t work.
  2. It’s fucking bullshit! 

What the fuck are they thinking? Well, it’s questionable whether they’re actually capable of anything as complex as thought or whether this action is just a stimulus-response anomaly. My view? IDIOTS!!! Everyone in Australia knows that the Commodore is an Australian car so the Chevy badges aren’t fooling anyone! Do you seriously think that your Commodore-owning mates will turn around and exclaim: 

Ohmafahkingooooood! Davo’s got a Chevy! Fahkinellmaaate!

No. Sadly, your arse-clown-deadshit mates know that it’s just a Holden with Chev badges. Even your fucking Horizon-smoking mum knows. So, if even the stupidest people aren’t fooled, what is the point? 

Is it part of the great Aussie cultural cringe? That idea that anything we are, have or do would be way better if it was English or American or otherwise internationally approved of so we knew it was OK to like? Is it just a national self-loathing? Oh mate, I’d be way cooler if I was American! Forgetting of course that even if they really were American they’d just be an American fuckwit which I imagine isn’t that much cooler than being an Australian fuckwit. 

It’s fucking stupid is what it is and I fucking hate stupid! It fucking shits me off that someone would go to the trouble of deliberately buying a vehicle to then spend extra money pretending it’s something else. WHY??? Why not just buy a fucking car you want? Why not sit for a moment THINKING THROUGH, or cunt-forbid RESEARCHING, the multitudinous options available in the world of motor vehicles before you purchase the same thing everybody else has and decide it’s not good enough? CRETINS!!!

I realise that re-badging vehicles is no new thing in the auto industry. Holdens were re-badged as Pontiacs in the U.S. and Vauxhalls in the U.K., Holden themselves have sold re-badged Isuzus, Toyotas, Opels, you name it, as Holdens. That’s just selling cars. It’s just marketing. I know that Holden is part of General Motors, a U.S. company, and for years the Holden Commodore has been re-badged and sold as the Chevrolet Lumina overseas but that doesn’t change the fact that under the badge it’s still a Holden Commodore. The real question is: why, in Australia, a country full of Holden Commodores, where everyone knows your Commodore is a locally designed and made Holden, would you spend good money putting on foreign badges that fool no-one? You’d have more luck passing yourself off as a woman by tucking your dick and balls back between your legs! Stop being a  fucktard! Go right ahead and customize your vehicle if you want to just stop being ashamed of its true identity. Stop being ashamed of supporting your local car industry!

But Chevs are cool, man! 

Fucking buy one then! IT’S NOT A CUNTING CHEVROLET!!! 

It may be worth noting that it is common for Holden owners in the U.S. to re-badge them with the original Holden badges. Why do they do it? Out of respect because that’s what the car is! I swear, if you’re one of those slutheads who’s re-badged their Holden as a Chev, you should take it out on a deserted bit of highway, wind it up to 200km/h and wrap it around the biggest gum tree you can find. As much as I like the new Commodores, the human race does not need YOU!

10 Responses to “No, stupid bogan, you don’t own an American car!”

  1. I think the re-badging relates to the engine under the hood. It happens when the IDIOTS pay more to have the engine upgraded to a Chevy version, then you get the bonus Chevy sticker.

    • Buck Frain Says:

      Yeah, I know, and some of the high performance models come with Chevy engines as original components but still I denounce it as wank. Half the components in the car are made in China but I don’t see too many Holdens with Chinese flags all over them. Plus there are a great many of these wankers who either re-badge despite not even having the Chev engine or only re-badge partly so you see a couple of Chev emblems and Holden wheels. IT’S FUCKING STUPID STUPID STUPID AND IT MAKES ME WANT TO KILL PEOPLE!!! IT DOESN’T MATTER WHO MADE THE CUNTING ENGINE – THE CAR IS AN AUSTRALIAN CAR DESIGNED AND BUILT BUY AN AUSTRALIAN COMPANY, IF YOU WANT A CHEV SAVE UP AND BUY ONE!!!

      • el Stevo Says:

        The LS engine is not Chevrolet. It’s a General Motors. Chevrolet is just one of GM’s subsideries, like Pontiac, Holden, Opel and Vauxhaul where these engines are installed.
        A Holden is a General Motors Holden with a GM engine. The “Chevrolet” subsidery has nothing to do with it.
        A Commodore should wear Pontiac emblems (GTO/G8) if the owner was a smarter version of idiot.

  2. Yeah!!! You tell them! Thanks for joining our facebook club “Putting a Chev Bowtie on your Holden does not make it a Chevy” Welcome aboard, we are happy you share the same feelings as us.

  3. Fully agree! I used to own A HSV But traded on something more family friendly. It still shits me to see dickheads who are too poor to actually buy a Chev, putting Chev badges on thier cars.
    Speaking of dodgy chinese add ons, what are your views on turd burglars getting around on AUSTRALIA day with chinese made AUSTRALIAN flags hanging off it everywhere?
    Personally, I’m a PROUD AUSTRALIAN every single mother fucking day of the year and don’t feel the need to advertise the fact.

  4. yeah what a bunch of wanksticks these fukheds should be pushed of a cliff

  5. Agreed, Being an Aussie living in the UK, I do drive a Vauxhall, this is because it is the closest thing to a Holden here, and Fuck if I could afford it I would have the VXR R8 (HSV Commodore) and put the correct (Holden) badges on it out of respect!!! Well said!!

  6. who cares anyway Holden sux

  7. who cares all holdens are shit

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