Hunting The Bogeyman.

OK, so here I am. Again. Back at my stupid, stupid, fucky old job facilitating the acquisition of accurate research data for sociopathic multi-nationals. Ticking boxes and going through the motions for malevolent, imbecilic and monstrous bints. Yeah, it sucks but what really fucks with me is how the cancer of toxic personality trickles its way down the corporate ladder infecting everyone in the whole organisation.

I went to the staff toilet on our floor today. I think it’s the first time I’ve been to the toilet whilst at work since I’ve been back. No, not because I’m afraid, but because I don’t drink enough water, although after today’s experience I don’t want to go back. Standing at the urinal I couldn’t help but notice that the wall at eye level was spattered with bogeys. I’m not talking about a dried phlegmy spit which is gross but quite common to see in male toilets, but a serious spattering of crusty boogers.

I examined the form and pattern trying to work out what the volcanic arsehole was going on. There was no way this was just an unguarded sneeze, there must have been over 100 of them. This was a conscious and premeditated work undertaken over months while I’ve been absent. It was a veritable nose-goblin collection that Stimpy himself would have been proud of. I was fucking appalled!

stimpy_nose_goblins

So, was the Bogey Collector just leaning back while pissing and blowing the loose bogeys out onto the wall? No. I don’t think so. That may have been how it started but it had since gotten way out of control. He really liked this. He liked putting the bogeys up and he loved that they were staying there and that there was nowhere else to look but at them. There were some that were definitely picked, I could see what looked like smear marks trailing from some of them. This meant he was standing there, pissing, dick in one hand, other hand stuck up his nose fishing out grunties and then wiping them on the wall. Now that is just cunting well wrong! I don’t blame the cleaners for not cleaning the bogeys off. That’s not their job, this is vandalism, this is some crazy fucking act of mucus terrorism. ONE OF THEM HAS A CUNTING GREAT HAIR IN IT, FOR SHIT’S SAKE!!! Quick – call forensics! I need that fucker DNA tested so I can track this snot-fiend down.

I left the toilet. Nauseated. Outraged. Bogeys on the fucking wall! WHY!!! It doesn’t hurt The Wobblers, they don’t use the gents…maybe they do – eew!!! As a form of protest it is completely redundant. It’s just fucking gross. It only serves to further demoralise people who hate being there anyway. Even the most inarticulate graffiti has a message, this has no message… Or does it? Is it just a pure emotional expression? Is it a visceral interpretation of the rage generated by corporate containment and the impotence of the individual? Is this the post-modern answer to conventional graffiti? Could this be the future of street art? NO! NO! NO! IT’S NOT AND IT SHITTING WELL COULDN’T!! IT’S BOGEYS ON A MOTHER-FUCKING WALL!!! IT’S FUCKING FILTHY AND WHEN I FIND YOU, BOGEY COLLECTOR, I’LL FUCKING EXPOSE YOU FOR THE SHIT-EATING, CUNTFUL DEVIATE YOU ARE!!!

DON’T SMEAR YOUR FUCKING BOGEYS ON WALLS!!!

I WILL FUCKING FIND YOU!!!

ARSE!!!

 

9 Responses to “Hunting The Bogeyman.”

  1. That’s gross!
    I’d lay of the water a bit more maybe.

  2. It should have said, “That’s gross! I’d lay off the water a bit more maybe.”

  3. Well you certainly are back and with a vengeance. Excuse me now, I have to hurl.

  4. Hans Licht Says:

    Read it. Reread it. Regurgitated.

  5. Yeah I know what you mean, it started a month before you left, I noticed it then but not to the same extent. THERE IS A FUCKING TOILET THERE!!! If you really need to pick your fucking nose put it the toilet!!!! then flush! problem fucking solved!

    ARGH! ITS BAD ENOUGH THAT WE HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THE SHITE THAT SPEWS OUT OF THE MOUTH OF THE AUSTRALIAN PUBLIC BUT WHEN WE GO TO OUR ESCAPE OUR SWEET FUCKING ESCAPE WE NEED TO STARE AT A WALL WITH FILTH ALL OVER IT.
    (god that feels good to let out)

    I am with you on this one Buck.

    Solution: a sign in the toilet saying please flush it. subtle yet embaressing for that son of a bitch culprit.

  6. Its done and taken care of its only a matter of time until the person finds out that people are onto him Muah ha ha ha Want to know how i did it?

    Well this work place has a small ‘community’ and word travels fast, so I began openly talking about how gross it is and that that person should seek help yada yada yada and scene as word travels fast here that person is bound to overhear at some point and be too scared to do it again…. BRILLIANT!

  7. My husband says someone at his work does it, too. Ew!
    Almost as bad as the girls that leave dirty tampons in the toilet and don’t flush. UGH!

  8. Put a little HF on the wall… at’ll f’up their day.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: