11 Shit Things That Make Share-House Living Suck – #7

#7 Other People’s Genitals

 

I don’t have issues with nudity per se. I think streakers at sporting events are funny and I’m cool with the genitals of anyone I’m intimate with. However, other people are another matter altogether. I am OK with other people having genitals just so long as they’re not flapping around at eye level when I’m sitting in the kitchen trying to eat my breakfast.

 

What the weeping-nob-scab is wrong with people? So, you picked up my house-mate last night and brought her back to a house you’ve never been to before inhabited by people you’ve never met and in the morning you wander out through the kitchen in search of the loo…naked. Nice one! And then you look at me like I’m the one with the problem and ask:

 

What are you lookin’ at?

 

I don’t know, fuckhead, is it a bonsai penis? I was worried you were going to try to fuck my breakfast with it!

 

Seriously, what are you doing? Do you have super-complex underpants that take 3 hours and a Ph.D to put on? Use a fucking towel, arse-face!!! In an ideal world one might hope that girls would have more modesty, however, I haven’t really seen any evidence of that.

 

What are you doing here?

 

I live here. I’m eating my breakfast. The toilet’s that way…um…you’re dripping on the fucking floor.

 

One morning I walked out to see a naked guy sitting with his naked arse on one of our chairs at the kitchen table eating our fucking cereal. What the SHIT??? I don’t mind too much about the cereal but how can I use a kitchen chair that’s had some fucker’s sweaty nut-sack and unwashed ring resting on it? Do I disinfect it or just throw the fucking thing away?

 

Inhibitions – they’re great! We have them for a reason. We have them because we aren’t solitary animals, we live in societies and these have only maintained a semblance of order and civility because people covered their genitals up and stopped scent-marking everything in sight. I’m stoked that you’re comfortable with your hairy, hail-damaged body, but do me a favour: COVER IT UP!!! No, really, take this guest burkha! Not because I have issues with my own body, not because I won’t be able to control my primal urges but because I can’t eat and vomit at the same time and I can’t spend my whole life buying new dining furniture.

8 Responses to “11 Shit Things That Make Share-House Living Suck – #7”

  1. hee hee.

    Did you mean “in a perfect world women would have “less” modesty”?
    I wouldn’t mind women walking around naked. I guess I’m just sexist or something.

  2. Hans Licht Says:

    I have a Bonsai penis. to match with my Kamikaze arsehole.
    I don’t go flashing it in strange houses I’ve just fucked in though. I’m with you Buck. Like lycra, nudity is a privilege not a right.

  3. your such a dick head!

  4. Buck Frain Says:

    ross666evans,

    The evidence would suggest that in fact YOU’RE a dickhead. YOU ARE such a dickhead! Your dick may have a head, your head may know less stuff than most people’s dicks, but you are (you’re) a dickhead, DICKHEAD!!!

    Dickhead of the beast? heh heh!

  5. future hermit Says:

    One thing that gives me the shits are the ‘opportunistic clothes washers’. You know the ones, they refuse to put their own load of washing on, but instead chuck a few items in the machine every time someone elso does a load. Normally I wouldn’t care too much, but the time I put on a clean t-shirt and found a fucking condom half melted to it really made me loose it. The thought that everything I washed in that load, including the pillow cases I’d been using, had been wash in a mixture of water, omo and fat cunts cum was enough to make me physically sick.

  6. Hans. You’re surnames ‘Licht’. Heh. Heh heh. Heh heh heh…

  7. Oh, that’s been the joke all along! I had no idea! Doesn’t change your surname. ‘Licht’. Heh. Heh heh. Heh heh heh…

  8. Hans Licht Says:

    It tickles me too Sid.

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