Muti-tasking Or Being A Useless Twat?

Multi-tasking. What the fuck is the modern obsession with doing 50 million things at once? I don’t fucking get it! Yes, life is busy. Yes, the world is moving faster than it did before people had mobile phones, wi-fi internet or the wheel. But, seriously, are you saving time by doing a half-arsed job of a bunch of things? What the cunt are you doing?

 

 

It makes me sick. I’m a singular focus person. I like dedicating myself to a single thing and doing it properly before moving on to the next thing. I’m also a guy and doing more than one thing usually fucks me up. Women seem to be better at multi-tasking and good luck to them. I draw the line at walking while listening to music or watching telly while drinking beer, that’s the limit for me. Whatever! The thing that nauseates me, like a floating turd in my breakfast cereal, is the useless cunts who insist of multi-tasking at the expense of both tasks.

 

 

The attention-deficit FUCKHEADS who try to compose text messages while riding bicycles. These are truly useless people and I want to buy a big car just to run the fuckers over. No clue! No fucking clue where they’re going, what’s around them and I dread to even think about the spelling in their stupid messages. They cunt along at walking pace all over the road like they’re just screaming to the world: KILL ME NOW!!! Oh no, I better answer the message now or my pathetic social life will crumble. Ooh, no but I’d better not stop pedaling or time will stop and I’ll miss my vegan-sexual-philosophy tutorial. DIE!!!

 

 

DECIDE!!! Text OR ride! Not both! You’re not saving time. If you stop, type and send your message, then start riding again, you’ll be riding faster and you won’t give everyone around you the steaming shits by forcing the guilt of manslaughter on them, and the person who gets the message may even understand it. What the fuck is the point in fucking up both tasks? It fills me with boundless fury. They don’t deserve the oxygen they’re wasting on their atrophied brains. They should be legally designated outlets for public indignation and repressed rage. I want to snatch your stupid phone out of your hand and smash it on the road, and when you come back around to ask me in your neo-hippy-passive-aggressive way what my problem is, I want to swipe you off your bike with my cricket bat and smash your chinless body into a greasy paste in the bike lane!

 

 

Multi-tasking is bullshit, except when done by girls…sometimes, and only because they can make it work. Note the word can, they can make it work, and if they do – fine. Anyone who can’t should abstain from it and just learn to fucking well PRIORITISE!!!

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9 Responses to “Muti-tasking Or Being A Useless Twat?”

  1. Great blog.
    I loved the “steaming shits” line. Classy. Very classy 🙂

  2. I couldn’t agree more. Thank you for stepping up and putting this stinking turd of a problem on the table in this critical election year. I, too, would be happy to run down the twits who get themselves in the way of everyone else unnecessarily and to the detriment of all.

    But, uhmm, it appears to me that the fuckwad in your featured photo seems to be following your advice of stopping to text before resuming the pedaling.

    However, I have a problem with them too – they generally park themselves and their bikes in the middle of the sidewalk or in the crosswalk, again, to the detriment of all.

  3. Buck Frain Says:

    David,

    Yes. Sorry. I concede she IS parked AND following my advice, she could quite possibly successfully multi-task as well. I apologise but I lack the funding for a photographer of my own so I have to rely on Google image search to return easily stealable images to vaguely suit my needs. It’s not ideal and it’s very ethically questionable but fuck it, it’s the best that I can do.

    Well, that’s not true either, I guess I just can’t be fucked going the extra yards for you guys.

    Hmmm…blogging…obnoxious self-absorbed mediocrity.

    It would be too easy to hate myself over all this. I’m just gonna keep on hating everything else in the world – the true path is never the easy one.

    Buck

  4. Buck–

    This blog about made me spew my coffee.

    I love the “Ooh, no but I’d better not stop pedaling or time will stop and I’ll miss the my vegan-sexual-philosophy tutorial. DIE!!!” Line– way funny.

  5. It always scares me when I see people driving, smoking, and chatting on their mobiles, all at the same time. HOW DO THEY STEER?!?!?

  6. About a year ago I saw a woman riding a bicycle, talking on her phone and holding an umbrella. If only she had been smoking as well. Truly fucked up.

  7. Chainsaw Says:

    Please.

    DON’T EVER LOOK at milfs with kids.

    Just don’t.

    This is multitasking like Win 3.1

    They multitask like unix servers. All day. Every day.

  8. Found you through I Am the Cheese blog ( of course, that’s when I realized this site would be a grabber too ).
    This post made me crack up.

    Most people can’t do ONE thing really well ( I submit: the English language when English is the only one you speak) so trying to do three or four at the same time?
    If you do the mathematical equation I think each act becomes diminished by 40% until they all suck as dismal failures.

    In case I run short on things to rant about, I’m coming here for refresher courses.
    Excellent!

  9. Actually, women ARE designed for multi-tasking, unlike us men. It has to do with the way their two cerebral lobes are connected – well, I’m not a neurosurgeon, but I remember some open class about how a human female’s brain lobes are further from one another than male’s are (yea, there’s actually a difference in design) and thus can both function at the same time, while most of our thick-packed brains can only activate one region at a time.

    Well, of course that doesn’t apply to driving and texting at once, because no matter how stretched or shit your brains are, you can’t be looking at the road AND at your phone at the same time.

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