Germophobia, stupidity and poo particles.

Germophobia is stupid, like most phobias I guess. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a big fan of hygiene but, fucking hell people, get it in perspective! The world is a dirty place and you yourself, no matter how much you scrub, are dirty. Yes, you, you dirty bastard! You are fucking filthy! Even when you’re clean you’re covered and filled with all manner of bacteria and microbes. So beyond basic cleanliness you might as well just get over it.


I had to have a quick slash in a public toilet today and whilst washing my hands I noticed a guy by the door who was pretending to talk on his mobile phone. Actually faking a conversation and occasionally sneaking furtive looks back at me. Weird. Was he there for a sly bummy?  I wasn’t about to ask, I dried my hands and left. He followed me through the door, I mean immediately behind me. I realised the sad fucker just didn’t want to touch the door handle. What a complete ballbag! How long had he been waiting there? Waiting at the door pretending to talk to his fake friends desperately hoping someone would let him out of the toilet.


Get a fucking grip! The same germophobic ballbag would touch door handles everywhere else in his life. Door handles, ATMs, shop counters and money that would doubtlessly have been touched by someone who doesn’t wash their hands. Someone with poo on their hands – maybe not big chunks but poo particles, at least. The harsh reality is that there are poo particles everywhere. Everytime someone farts and you smell it  – poo particles – in your lungs! That’s right someone else’s poo in your lungs. Deal with it! Plenty of people don’t wash their hands after going to the loo, fuckin’ bio-terrorists!, whether for a piss, a shit or even a crafty phone-wank. So it may be piss, blood or jizz particles, whatever it’s got germs in it. Everything does, everything you touch, everything you eat, it all has poo in it. Oh for God’s sake, STOP SCREAMING!!! What are you gonna do? Spend your life wrapped in cling film?


Before you go completely berko and start spraying everything in sight with anti-bacterial bullshit spray like those maniacs on the ads, here’s another thought: The sprays only kill 99.9% of germs. I’m going to assume most of you have heard of Darwin and his theory of evolution, survival of the fittest and all that. If you kill 99.9% of the germs regularly, what you’re left with is 0.1% of the germs. What do they do? The don’t just hang out in a little corner minding their own business, they breed. Like bastards! They breed and evolve and get nastier because they can’t be killed by your stupid spray. Don’t believe me? Go to hospital, they’ve got the deadliest bugs ever discovered in your local hospital, that’s why the doctors want you to leave. No, it’s not just to free up beds because the health system’s completely fucked, it’s because the longer you’re there, the more chance there is you’ll catch some really bad shit and die.


Remember you have an immune system. Its job is to react against threats to your body by surrounding and destroying them. If you insist on circumventing your own immune system like a namby, germophobic nob-end, it won’t work properly when you need it to. So in conclusion, if you want to stay healthy, wash your hands, keep yourself clean but don’t be afraid to eat a bit of poo every now and then, and for fuck’s sake, don’t fake-talk on your mobile in public toilets waiting for some other fucker to open the door for you ‘cause if I see you I’ll fucking sneeze on you – just to make you lose your mind!

5 Responses to “Germophobia, stupidity and poo particles.”

  1. I’ve always believed that “what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger”. When the world goes tits up, who’s going to be around? All the people in 3rd world countries. Definately not all the 1st world bacteria weaklings.

    p.s. Why are all the “possibly related posts” for this article about Gazza (English football player: unhappy that he doesn’t get the choice roles that Vinnie Jones gets)

  2. Hans Licht Says:

    And I have it on good authority one should pick one’s nose and eat it too. At least every now and then… But then I may be biased with a name like mine.

  3. Clean people freak me out.
    There are now anti-bacterial wipes at the grocery, (next to the carts) for wiping the cart handles.
    How have we survived ’til now with unsterilized shopping cart handles?
    Maybe that’s what happened to the dinosaurs.

  4. I once worked in a sex shop that used $2 coins in the peeps booths. I always used to cringe when I heard some fucker drop the coins on the floor. At the end of the shift I had to take the coins out of the machines and count them. I tried to always wear gloves and wash my hands with alcohol gel (when that was all used up, I used fly spray). Sometimes there would be one or two coins on the floor of the booth stuck in a pool of congealing jiz. I picked them up (with gloves) wiped them clean and put them in the money bag to go to the bank the next day. Was I being too paranoid?

  5. What your talking about is obsessive compulsive disorder, i should know i have it.

    Germaphobes know their thoughts are irrational and unreasonable however its the disorderly wiring of the brain that makes the fears uncontrollable.

    Ironically OCD is now beleived to be caused by germs or a particular infection.

    Just pointing out your rant was completely stupid because any germaphobe would know everything you just said and agree with you.

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