Shutup, Sluthead! You’re not saying anything!

What the dog-felching fuck is wrong with motorists? The horn. The fucking car horn – the single most useless automotive accessory ever, with the possible exception of Baby On Board signs. Whilst everything to do with cars has been improved over the last 100 years, the horn has become electric and that’s it, other than that it’s the fucking same.

 

Indicators, on the other hand, are great. They’re articulate, they say: I’m turning left or I’m pulling over, if you count hazard lights as well: I’m a bit fucked right now, watch you don’t get fucked too. Horns do fuck all. The just scream AAARGH! indiscriminately at everyone nearby. Even variations in duration or number of horn-blasts communicate nothing except possibly a very subjective rendering of the user’s emotional state. They have no real meaning, there is nothing they communicate categorically, and this is largely because dumb-fuck motorists use them for everything huh, it makes a noise thus making their sound utterly redundant. Horns also have no direction and so no-one really knows who’s using the horn or who at, except the person using it huh, I told him stuff! It’s all cuntfully stupid.

 

How many times have you seen some suburban sluthead leaving a friend’s house and giving the horn a cheery beep beep! What the fuck? You said goodbye to your friend before getting in the car, you thanked them for dinner, you did all that, they already know you have a car, they know you’re in your car, they can fuckin’ see you! Why the horn? It’s fucked, it’s an absolute cunt and makes me want to chase their vehicle with a cricket bat and smash the weeping-arse fuck out of it. SHUT UP, YOU SHIT-EATING FREAK!!! SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!

 

They think the beep beep! means something? Of course it doesn’t, the same sluthead will use the same beep beep! at the lights to gently wake up the catatonic fuck in front of him who’s turning right. Sluthead  will do this even though he can’t see the CF in front of him is not moving because of something like, oh, oncoming traffic. CF doesn’t interpret the beep beep! as good-natured. He thinks that Sluthead is having an impatient go at him, so in return, he gives him the finger. Fuckwits collide! You see how poor communication can lead to people being bludgeoned to death at the side of the road with tyre irons?

 

Personally, I have no sympathy. I think every car should have a loaded gun in it and it should be legal to shoot to death anyone who uses their car horn ever. In the name of articulate communication I say death to horn users. The horn is a piece of cowardly, passive-aggressive bullshit and has been rendered completely ineffective through misuse.

 

beep beep!

 

DIE, FUCKBAG! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!

4 Responses to “Shutup, Sluthead! You’re not saying anything!”

  1. Excellent. If anyone asks me what my opinion is on this topic, I shall send the m a link to this entry.

    I like your style, Buck.

  2. I use to have a horn that played “La Cucaracha”.

    You wouldn’t shoot me would you? 😦

  3. Buck Frain Says:

    planetross,

    Yes, I think I probably would shoot even you. Unless you were wearing a poncho…and a zapata moustache…hmm, maybe a sombrero as well. I’d let you get away with it in that case. I might even wave and yell a cheery “Andate a la chucha, cabron!”

  4. Hi Buck, I agree with most of what you said regarding the misuse of horns in cars but the horn has saved me from the panel beaters on a number of occasions.

    Shopping centre car parks are notorious for stupid people who don’t look where they’re reversing and the good old horn has conveyed my presence very clearly, very effectively. Short of winding down my window and screaming out ‘you’re about to embed your tow ball into my bonnet’ I’d have been in trouble. The same applies when people change lanes on the freeway without looking and very nearly side-swipe me.

    I certainly don’t use the horn much, but when the inevitable moment arises where someone hasn’t seen you and you need to change that very quickly, it’s a handy tool to have.

    I like your style, very entertaining reading.

    Cheers

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