“Rambo” – The Big Merino

Australia is really big and flat and empty. The roads are long and if you’re travelling you eventually have to stop somewhere (inevitably in some dog-fucking backwater) to refuel, re-hydrate and eat. In the hope of encouraging your stop, and the minor financial benefit it brings, small communities all over the country have created tourist attactions that …well, suck.

In the sheep-wheat country of NSW, the rural city of Goulburn has The Big Merino, a fucking enormous concrete sheep affectionately known as “Rambo” by the culturally starved locals. He’s 50 ft high and 60 ft long weighs a shitload. Almost a year ago he was moved 800m up the highway, for reasons nobody will ever care about, but the move was the most exciting thing that had happened in Goulburn since Rambo first appeared in 1985.

Below his enormous, pendulous ballbag there is a gift shop where you can buy things made out of wool and/or sheepskin. There is also a café where you can buy greasy truck-stop food. For the truly adventurous, there is the walk up inside Rambo, to look out his eyes at the amazingly picturesque FUCK ALL that surrounds him. There is NOTHING TO SEE HERE!!!

Sheep are stupid and boring, even when they’re really big. This monstrosity is a testament to the damaging effects of isolation on the imagination. If you take your kids here they will hate you unless, of course, they’re a bit weird and really want to see a huge pair of cement sheep balls. This really is a tourist attraction that SUCKS! Fuck you, Goulburn!

 

5 Responses to ““Rambo” – The Big Merino”

  1. Old Gregg Says:

    Fuckin hilarious. What a load of fuck it truly is. Have you actually visited the thing? If so, it probably explains why you’re so angry.

    ps give me chocolate.

  2. Goblin Says:

    I found this fekking hilarious since I just recently finished a script here at work all about Goulburn and that bloody sheep.

    Just writing three thousand words about it, I never ever want to visit the bloody thing.

  3. I love that thing! I claim that its the best “big thing” ive ever visited. It kicks ass over the “big banana”, “big prawn” (close to where i currently live) and the “big pineapple”.
    Go the big ball bag merino i say!!

  4. Cherax destructor Says:

    This makes me wanna head out with a few spray cans and create the biggest set of blue balls known to humanity….

  5. Steven Stevenson Says:

    Australian comedian Austen Tayshus visited the Big Merino year ago (before he was as funny as he is now but I won’t spoil it for ya). Here is the clip:

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