Archive for April, 2008

10 People I’d Love To Smash – #8.

Posted in 10 People I'd Love To Smash with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on April 20, 2008 by Buck Frain

#8: Andrew Bolt

Andrew Bolt is a complete arse. Racist, sexist, homophobic, fascist, smug, private school fuckhead. He’s a voice of idiocy, denial, bigotry and the most malignant kind of stupidity unfortunately tolerated in society. The only difficulty with freedom of speech is having to listen to cunts like Bolt. However, the truly frightening things are that he is paid for the social cancer that is his opinion and that the previous government placed so much stock in him. The fuckers quoted him like he was Jesus, only an evil, fear-monger Jesus.

For those of you unfamiliar with his work here’s a snapshot of Boltworld:

  • Global warming is a fiction invented by hippies and malcontents.
  • The Stolen Generation (a holocaust for indigenous Australians) never happened.
  • The war in Iraq has already been won –yeah, by the U.S.A et al.
  • It’s all those non-white people who are the real racists and we should treat them with fear and suspicion if they can’t easily be subjugated.
  • Gay marriage is the same as polygamy.
  • Finding Nemo is preaching dangerous nonsense to our children – this is a personal favourite.

Let me frame this by saying Andrew Bolt is a professional columnist and associate editor for Rupert Murdoch’s Herald Sun newspaper. Now, I’m not a journalist, I’m just an angry bastard, but I’d like to think that on my good days at least I make some sense. Bolt’s writing has no journalistic integrity, he works back from pre-decided conclusions and then beats or cooks the facts into a shape where they appear to prove said conclusions. Even at the expense of logic. He won’t even allow negative comment on his blog site, difference of opinion is just too challenging – racism and idiocy is fine but genuine criticism is off-limits.

For a taste of Bolt’s own wankery go here.

For articulate and dedicated criticism of Bolt go here.

For me, it’s Sunday and I’m going to leave you with this: Andrew Bolt is a psychological terrorist and he should be sent to Guantanamo Bay and water-boarded. In another time he’d have been a Nazi sympathiser, he wouldn’t have had the stomach for hands-on fascism but he’d have been happy to be a propagandist or to turn on the gas in the showers. Feel free to say whatever you like about the article or me – I don’t give a fuck – Bolt’s a twat, his continued popularity simply demonstrates that there’s no shortage of ignorance in this country!

10 People I’d Love To Smash – #7

Posted in 10 People I'd Love To Smash with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on April 19, 2008 by Buck Frain

#7: Natalie Bassingthwaighte

If her surname alone wasn’t enough to make you want to smash her, the person herself seals the deal easily. Channel 10’s product, Bashing-twat is a portrait of bland Australian mediocrity at its most saccharine and fucked. Made a household name through her acting in the Channel 10 soap/crime-against-humanity Neighbours, she went on to pursue a singing career with The Rogue Traders, a cuntfully awful band shamelessly promoted by Channel 10 to little end. Most people still know they’re shit, despite contrived appearances to paid enthusiasm on Big Brother and anywhere else Channel 10 could squeeze them in. As a solo artist, she completely fucked her half of the duet Don’t Give Up with Channel 10’s own Shannon Noll and all the post-production in the world couldn’t hide her vocal shitness. Nowadays you can find her on Channel 10 hosting So You Think You Can Dance. I don’t care what you think of the show, Bashing-twat makes me so angry I want to smash my own house to pieces, her voice and her stupid fucking head just piss me off. I haven’t read her book, Sistahood : A Journal of Self-Discovery  that she wrote with her own sista. Get FUCKED!!!! I fucking hate the way she’s used hip-hop spelling to give herself cred with the kids. EAT MY SHIT, YOU CUNT! I won’t be reading it, even though it’s the first thing she’s done without the help of the Channel 10 puppeteers, I’m fuckin’ over it all.

Natalie Bassingthwaighte is fucking useless. Can’t act, can’t sing, can’t fucking present and with all the Botox she’s had, the poor bitch can’t even pull a face. She’s utter crap, a quasi-blonde façade, fashioned by Channel 10 executives to bore the masses into submission and make us crave a commercial break for the honest retail relief it brings. She should be taken away and quietly poisoned for the soulless, vacuous, generic mediocrity she fronts.

 

10 People I’d Love To Smash – #6

Posted in 10 People I'd Love To Smash with tags , , , , , , , , on April 18, 2008 by Buck Frain

#6: Grant Hackett

Yes, Grant Hackett. Yes, the revered captain of the Australian Swimming Team. Yes, I’d love to smash him, the lanky, muesli-bar-selling ballbag.

I would have got to him sooner but I’ve been pissed off about more important stuff and to be honest most things are more important than swimming unless you’re actually in water which I’m not so get fucked.

I know most sports people are just fucking idiots who’ve exploited a genetic predisposition to be good at something, which is of no practical use to humanity, to make ridiculous amounts of money. Whilst Hackett isn’t as much of a boof-head or criminal as some of the others I’ve maligned, he does illustrate the fact that any social good inspired by sporting prowess or spirit is dead and all that remains is the business.

In many sports and in many countries the Olympic spirit still endures. That spirit of the amateur athlete, the person who has a regular life but then dedicates what’s left to excelling in a particular sporting discipline, who then comes to compete with other amateurs from around the world in the spirit of brotherhood and the safe knowledge that there are other things in life apart from sport. That shit’s dead in Australia. Cunts like Hackett aren’t amateurs. They live their sport 24 hours a day and make a killing off endorsements, they are professionals, and in a world of professionals generally the people with the most money win. So, here’s my bitch:

  • March 22nd – Hackett speaks out against a boycott of the Beijing games in protest of China’s actions in Tibet. Why? Because the boycotts in the 80’s didn’t do any good and sport’s not political. GET FUCKED! Protesting is about taking a political stance. Nobody protests anything because it’s good business or even necessarily because they think they can win. The guy in Tiananman Square faced off with a tank not because he thought he could beat it, but because he believed in a principle. Completely. Hackett wants to make some money and really doesn’t give a fuck who has to die so long as he gets his cash and glory. Of course sport’s political, everything is political. He just doesn’t want to miss his chance in the spotlight now that Ian Thorpe has got bored with the splashing around. Hackett sells us self-interest and says it’s OK to indirectly profit financially from cultural genocide. Great message!

  • March 31st – Hackett’s in the press again, this time saying what a pissing shame it would be for young boof-head Nick D’Arcy to be banned from competing in Beijing just because of an assault causing grievous bodily harm charge due to his beating former swimmer Simon Cowley to a bloody pulp in a bar brawl smashing half the bones in the guy’s face. Criminally violent much? I mean, what the fuck? Thank goodness D’Arcy has today been banned from competing in Beijing, I hope his appeal against the decision fails. Usually good athletes get rewarded for these sorts of indiscretions with second chances, taxpayer funded holidays and the adulation of the masses. Why? Because they can swim fast and that means something. Because sporting prowess is more important in this country than the law, morals, or human rights.

Our whole country needs to be bitch-slapped over this lack of perspective, but for now: fuck Grant Hackett, for being the spokeperson for yet another campaign of denial and malignant stupidity. He needs his head slammed in a car door 40 or 50 times, Vinnie Jones style.

10 People I’d Love To Smash – #5

Posted in 10 People I'd Love To Smash with tags , , , , , , , , on April 16, 2008 by Buck Frain

#5: Ben Affleck

I think most people, deep down inside, even if they find him attractive, don’t really like Ben Affleck. He is recognized the world over as that arsehole who always plays arseholes in movies. I first saw him in Dazed & Confused – brilliant movie – and took an instant dislike to him. He just smacks of …cunt. He looks like that character in Mall Rats who fucks your girlfriend in the arse, and not just because he played him, but because it’s impossible to believe he’s actually not that much of a bastard. He’s the sort of person who, if you saw him copping a beating in a dark alley, rather than calling for help you’d quietly walk up and ask: Can I have a go?

 Pearl Harbour was a cunt of a film and he was shit in it, absolute shit – that song in Team America is completely justified! Daredevil, Gigli and Surviving Christmas are some of the worst films ever inflicted on the world, and again, there’s Affleck cunting it up like the shit-coated fuckbag he is.

 I’ve done a bit of research on him in preparation for this rant and, in truth, he seems remarkably well-liked and respected. He supports good causes and does a great deal to try and make life better for others. However, many people still hate his guts, not for anything he’s actually done but more because he looks like a loathsome piece of smug shit. On a purely aesthetic level, he’s a bum-chin-big-stupid-jaw bastard, he reeks of smashworthiness and I’d love to punch him right in his stupid head. Yeah, he’d probably kick my arse, but then I’d be certain he’s a bastard! Get fucked, Ben Affleck!

 Snow shovel? That’s what I’m talkin’ about!

10 People I’d Love To Smash – #4

Posted in 10 People I'd Love To Smash with tags , , , , , , , , on April 15, 2008 by Buck Frain

#4: Thomas Towle

If only it was against the law to be fucked in the head. If only there was some sort of test that everyone had to do to weed out the Criminally Fucked In The Head from the rest of us in order that regular citizens might be made a little safer. I’m not talking intellectual elitism, just filtering out the toxically imbecilic.

 

If it wasn’t in the news you’d never believe anyone could actually be this much of a fuckhead.

 

Imagine:  You used to have a problem with smack and amphetamines. That’s OK because you’re on methadone now. Although tonight you haven’t had your medication and you’re drunk instead. So you get in the car. Pissed. You’ve got a string of offences under your belt for drink-driving, driving while disqualified, you name it, you’re a serial offender when it comes to vehicles. Next, you put your kids in the car. Nine year old daughter in the back seat and your four year old son, who wants to drive like Dad, well what would any dad do? You put him on your knee and let him steer. Before you leave, your brother asks you if you’ve seen all the kids from the party down the road. You say you have. He tells you to be careful driving back. What happens next?

 

Because you’re Criminally Fucked In The Head, this: You drive at speeds of up to 150km/h with your four year old in your lap until you lose control of the car and plough into the group of teenagers you were warned about, killing six and wounding eight. Then… you run away, leaving your children, one of whom is also injured, behind in your car.

 

But, hang on, you then tell someone else to call an ambulance. I mean… you don’t call anyone yourself but you get it done, you’re not a monster.

 

 

Thomas Towle is appealing the 10 year sentence he has just received for six counts of dangerous driving causing death and four of dangerous driving causing serious injury, despite the fact that he could be out in only five years from now. Friends and relatives describe him as a very nice quiet person. He is a loving boy. He has always been lovely.

 

Rottweilers are often described as lovely by their owners, but they get put to sleep after mauling a child. Thomas Towle is a rottweiler who mauled 14 children. He’s human excrement. He should be used as a fucking speed hump. Nice guy? I don’t care. 10 years? Fuck you! This level of fuckheadedness should not be tolerated by society. He should never see the light of day again. What possible benefit does society gain by having someone like him re-introduced back into it? He is pathologically stupid, he’s an unredeemable menace to society. Why let him keep fucking up the lives of others? Fuck, I’d be happy to run the prick over, I’d back over him to make sure he was finished. It would be a mercy killing, a sweet mercy for society. Putting him out of our misery. Fuck you Thomas Towle, I hope you get stabbed in the fucking shower.

10 People I’d Love To Smash – #3

Posted in 10 People I'd Love To Smash with tags , , , , , , , , on April 14, 2008 by Buck Frain

#3: David Koch

Oh fuck and cunting Jesus! It’s Monday morning and I’ve managed to get up early enough to see this complete twat’s bald mug on the TV. Well, that’s just buggered my week. David Koch. Kochie, as he’s known by most Australians, is a smarmy ballbag. His voice is the high-pitched whine of middle-class, middle-aged, emasculated Liberal voters. The financial journalist and morning show presenter is a simpering, sycophantic right-wing reactionary fuckstick and the only reason he’s tolerated on TV at all is that he’s such a wimp that no-one feels genuinely threatened by his half-arsed-ashamedly-conservative rhetoric. He’d love nothing more than to see Australia return to John Howard’s 1950s – a world before anyone had ever had sex and when the only people you’d see on the street were white people unless they were aborigines and they weren’t even people back then so you didn’t really see them because they weren’t really there.

According to this, he’s not only won numerous awards for his contributions to finance journalism in this country, he was also Father Of The Year last year. It is terrifying that he’s managed to pass those genes on and hideous to think someone actually slept with this wanker (and more than once). People are fucking sick. According to an anonymous source who went to school with Kochie’s son – he’s a complete fuckwit too. Kochie needs to be taken to with a cricket bat. He won’t learn anything but it’d be fun for the sounds of bat on bald.

 

10 People I’d Love To Smash – # 2.

Posted in 10 People I'd Love To Smash with tags , , , , , , , , on April 13, 2008 by Buck Frain

#2: The chick off the iSelect commercials.

What an obnoxious woman, what an obnoxious campaign. The timbre of her voice seems to have been specifically chosen by the ad exec’s for its ability to stimulate bile production and unfettered rage in humans. If I ever meet someone who admits to writing that shit I’ll fucking glass them on the spot. I’ve yet to meet a person who is unmoved by or who actually appreciates these ads. Everyone I have spoken to hates them and, as a result, her with a passion. I know actors need to work, but FUCK! Show a little restraint: wait tables, do some Shakespeare-in-the-fuckin’-park. Anyone with even a couple of grey cells could tell you: That shit ain’t funny! It’s annoying, it’s fucked, it fills me with violent impulses and fuck knows I don’t need more. Health insurance? – FUCK YOU! If I ever buy health insurance I swear I’ll be happy to pay higher premiums every week for the rest of my life than give one cent to those FUCKERS. Fuck you iSelect, fuck you Camilla Jackson and your big fucking break, FUCK OFF AND DIE! She can’t act and her voice could put the veins in blue cheese. She should be used as a crash test dummy.

 You’d have to be picking you own teeth and fragments of facial bone off the road to buy health insurance any other way!