Tune in for… FUCK ALL!!!

The TV ‘s been barking at me again, telling me to tune in Friday for: Secrets Revealed. The Bermuda triangle, the pyramids of Giza, the Nazca Lines in Peru – What really happened? Find out, as we use the latest technology to reveal age-old mysteries on Secrets Revealed, Friday on Channel Shit-Fuck! Tune in you illiterate, obese arse-children. Watch an hour of deep voiced speculation accompanied by some crappy CGI and at the end you’ll know…fuck…all.

Figure it out you dumb-fucks – there are no answers! No-one KNOWS what happened. All you get with these shows is another non-committal retelling of the shit theories you’ve heard a million times before. No conclusions because if someone KNEW, we would have heard about it in the news and we certainly wouldn’t be hearing it for the first time in some hard-boiled TV special with a constipated voiceover. It makes me so sick with rage that these TV executive toe-rags still manage to get an audience by doling out the same old shit year after year. It makes me hate my species that we’re so collectively fucked-in-the-head. We are nothing but monkeys, the aliens knew it at Nazca and they were just slagging us off knowing full well it would take thousands of years for us to be able fly so that we could comprehend the insult. Fuckin’ stupid monkeys! How many seasons of The fucking X-Files did you have to watch to realise that whether or not the truth was out there they were never going to tell you because revealing it would do the cunts out of a show? Bet you’re still watching Lost too, aren’t you?

Yes, the TV is lying to you. Just because it’s the only parent you’ve ever known doesn’t mean it loves you. Commercial TV is stealing your time, raping your soul and laughing about it. FUCK! Someone give me one of those nukes that went missing after the USSR went to shit. Humanity is unredeemable. Go for a walk, you stupid fat cunts!

4 Responses to “Tune in for… FUCK ALL!!!”

  1. Old Gregg Says:

    “Channel Shit-Fuck and the Obese Arse-Children” – I reckon this could take off as a tv show, or a webcomic at least…surely?

  2. Like the Bigfoot shit, and all that shitmouth answering I agree to be complete garbage, it always ends with ” These conclusions are nothing more than mere speculation and theories, we may never know the truth to these secrets.” “Next on Secrets Revealed, we waste more of your time looking for Nessy.”

  3. Jah :)) If we realize 2 things, we will not ask half of these (above) questions.
    1, The leadership of humanity is crooks, bandits, thieves and idiots, and that applies to 98% of doctors, layers, professionals, scientists, religious leaders, media, politicians (both let and right wing), businessmen, etc..
    2, The 20th Century was not a century of big achievements, it was the opposite, the Century of insanity. To justify this statement, just a few causes from the long list: overpopulating the planet, terrible wars, polluting (turning the planet into a garbage dump) etc..

  4. You got it right, Alex. And this is nothing but the start. Behold, extraterrestrial lifeforms; when we are done with the earth, we will be coming at you! Bow down before the awe of space monkeys.

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