Bad Drivers – Give Me A Sign!

Bad drivers give me the absolute cunt. I love driving and I always have. I’m a good driver – still can’t say that without thinking of Rain Man – and it fucking kills me that so many people are fucking awful drivers.

Ooh, road rage, Buck? Very predictable, you’re the menace to society!

Fuck off, you shit-eating do-gooder! I’ve every right to be angry at bad driving. You’d be fucking angry if some mad person wandered through a shopping mall indiscriminately firing a gun, just randomly, for free. You’d be pissed off as hell, even if she was a really nice person and her husband was a dentist, you’d say Lock that mad bitch up! But, put the same dentist’s wife behind the wheel of, say a Ford Explorer, she’s talking on her phone, doing her make-up and disciplining her children in the back whilst piloting 2 tonnes of steel around at 60km/h and not really watching where she’s going. She won’t indicate because everyone gets out of her way anyway and cyclists are invisible to her. Can’t get angry with her! No way, she’s doing her best, calm down, take a chill pill. Fuck you! She’s murder waiting to happen, she’s the same mad bitch!

I don’t mean to demonise female drivers, it was only an example. Bad drivers come in all types across all demographics. Now I’m fired up, I don’t think I can tackle all of the bad driving thing in one post so today I’ll just focus on one element of bad driving – the misuse of indicators.

You’d imagine it’s pretty fuckin’ simple, wouldn’t you. You’ve got this lever on your steering column that controls lights on the outside of your vehicle that display to other road users your intended path. It’s easy, you did it in your driving test, but after that a bunch of people have forgotten completely. For a tutorial, if you need to brush up, go here. Please.

The most important thing is indicating BEFORE you turn or change lanes. There are so many fucking idiots out there that seem to think that better late than never has some relevance to indicating. They indicate to show you what they’ve already done. WAKE UP YOU USELESS FUCKTARD MEATBAGS! I CAN FUCKING SEE WHERE YOU ARE, YOU CUNT, I WANNA KNOW WHERE YOU’RE GOING SO I CAN STAY OUT OF YOUR CUNTING WAY!!!

Indicate, it’s in the word indicator. Indicate before you move, and if at all possible check mirrors and blind spots to ensure there’s no-one else already occupying the space that you intend to occupy. It’s not rocket science, it’s basic spatial awareness, a lack of which gives me the shits. Same principle as this.

Spatial awareness is knowing where you are in relationship to other objects in your surroundings and how that relationship will change in the near future as you and other objects around you change positions.

Then of course there’s the smart-arse fuckers who are way too important to bother using indicators at all. Why should they? They are the gods of the road, it’s their taxes that payed for the road so they go where-so-ever they please and don’t lower themselves to using the indicator lever. These are the real bastards. These fuckers, these WANKERS! They make me so fucking mad I want to shit my own pants, they weave everywhere braking nonsensically making driving a pure fucking hell. It’s like they want you to run into them. FUCKIN’ OVER-INSURED PRICKS, I’D KILL YOU IF I COULD AFFORD IT!

But you know that killing’s not really going to help. Education is the only answer. One day, it’s my greatest wish, that one day I’ll pull up behind one of these non-indicating arseholes at the lights, having put up with their smug refusal to consider other road users for several kilometres…

I’m calm. Professional. I step from my car, walk up to their driver’s window and tap gently on it, smiling benignly. I’m well-dressed and non-threateningly white, I say: Excuse me, I noticed back there… just low enough that he can’t hear all of what I’m saying as I point back down the road. 9 out of 10 would wind the window down, for sure. Quick as a flash, I reach in and snap his indicator lever from the steering column and brandishing it in his face, I scream into his window: SEEING AS YOU’RE NOT USING THIS, I’LL KEEP IT MY-FUCKING-SELF! IT’S AN INDICATOR, YOU CUNT!!!

I return to my vehicle and watch the offender kangaroo-hop away from the intersection, shell-shocked. I resume my journey with the wind in my hair and the radio blazing. Ha ha, fuckers!

8 Responses to “Bad Drivers – Give Me A Sign!”

  1. Very cool post! There’s not much I hate more than inconsiderate, selfish and just plain fucking bad drivers and you’ve just summed it up perfectly!

  2. Old Gregg Says:

    plz run for mayor.

  3. philosophisingatheist Says:

    I love driving but I hate other drivers. I’m a magnet for bad drivers, they just seek me out! I get so angry, last night someone just decided they weren’t going to indicate and pull out from being parked next to the pavement, of course I’d gone round them because they weren’t indicating so I sensibly thought they would stay put. So after they pull off i calmly comment that he was a wanker of some sort and my friend tells me I’m too angry when I drive. If people would stop being maniacs around me on the road I might be a calmer driver! Logic!! Plus people need to learn how to use roundabouts; you GIVE WAY to the RIGHT!

  4. I finally find some a post out that shares my view. There is always some one in my way, someone on my ass, and way too high a ratio of incompetent drivers to those who just don’t get the rules of road!! Even more, these dopey pricks have no insight to their level of incompetence, and I find this astounding. They are safe and secure inside their little metal and glass box, and they don’t even know what they have done even when you have beeped them for 5 seconds, they just look at you with that vacuous stare, or not even notice the beep was for them.

    I get told all the time that I should just chill the fuck out out about other fuck wit drivers (even from my wife!!), so my annoyance is outcast.

    How about we stop lowering the bar on basic intelligence? If you can’t drive, catch the bus I say.

    You are spot on brother!!

  5. kate harrison Says:

    i REALLY hate the people who dive 4x4s in the city at 60mph with a bullbar that could kill a child. (you can probably tell i’ve been knocked over) thankfully i wasnt hbut the middle class 40something ORANGE women driving their husbands cars way too fast next to a school really do my shed in.

    its 30 for a reason!

  6. If you didn’t swear so much, it’d lend more credability to your arugment. As it is, you sound like a angry prepubescent teenage boy. You can be angry and swear less often- a carefully placed cunt or fuck can be surprisingly effective, especially when it catches you off guard. It’ll make you sound smarter; you only swore because it was absolutely neccessary to convey your point. Instead, every other word is ‘fuck this’ and ‘cunt that’- it desensitizes people to the impact of these words and makes your rant sound more like babble.

  7. A bit of an old blog I know but…WOW you resonate everything I hate so much…the use/misuse/lack of use of indicators is my biggest pet hate on the road, and as a courier I see this shit countless times a day. Being on the road as much as I am, I’m pretty competent with the streets, but it’s gotten to the point where I’ve had so many near-misses that I’m almost always coming to a complete stop at roundabouts now because I’m so used to people not giving way, indicating right but going straight, not indicating but turning right…etc!!

    How about those people who are looking out for a house number or a street name, so stop in the middle of the road….oh no don’t bother pulling over, don’t even indicate…just stop right there, no one behind you has anywhere to be..

  8. Thank you, Buck. I often wonder at the laziness of not using an indicator, you know – wouldn’t lift a finger …
    Shawn, how extraordinarily patronising your comment is. Advice on how to swear? Goodness me! To think there are people who spend their time reading ranting satirical blogs and assessing them from the perspective of a literary stylist. What cuntiful crap!

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