10 People I’d Love To Smash – #6

#6: Grant Hackett

Yes, Grant Hackett. Yes, the revered captain of the Australian Swimming Team. Yes, I’d love to smash him, the lanky, muesli-bar-selling ballbag.

I would have got to him sooner but I’ve been pissed off about more important stuff and to be honest most things are more important than swimming unless you’re actually in water which I’m not so get fucked.

I know most sports people are just fucking idiots who’ve exploited a genetic predisposition to be good at something, which is of no practical use to humanity, to make ridiculous amounts of money. Whilst Hackett isn’t as much of a boof-head or criminal as some of the others I’ve maligned, he does illustrate the fact that any social good inspired by sporting prowess or spirit is dead and all that remains is the business.

In many sports and in many countries the Olympic spirit still endures. That spirit of the amateur athlete, the person who has a regular life but then dedicates what’s left to excelling in a particular sporting discipline, who then comes to compete with other amateurs from around the world in the spirit of brotherhood and the safe knowledge that there are other things in life apart from sport. That shit’s dead in Australia. Cunts like Hackett aren’t amateurs. They live their sport 24 hours a day and make a killing off endorsements, they are professionals, and in a world of professionals generally the people with the most money win. So, here’s my bitch:

  • March 22nd – Hackett speaks out against a boycott of the Beijing games in protest of China’s actions in Tibet. Why? Because the boycotts in the 80’s didn’t do any good and sport’s not political. GET FUCKED! Protesting is about taking a political stance. Nobody protests anything because it’s good business or even necessarily because they think they can win. The guy in Tiananman Square faced off with a tank not because he thought he could beat it, but because he believed in a principle. Completely. Hackett wants to make some money and really doesn’t give a fuck who has to die so long as he gets his cash and glory. Of course sport’s political, everything is political. He just doesn’t want to miss his chance in the spotlight now that Ian Thorpe has got bored with the splashing around. Hackett sells us self-interest and says it’s OK to indirectly profit financially from cultural genocide. Great message!

  • March 31st – Hackett’s in the press again, this time saying what a pissing shame it would be for young boof-head Nick D’Arcy to be banned from competing in Beijing just because of an assault causing grievous bodily harm charge due to his beating former swimmer Simon Cowley to a bloody pulp in a bar brawl smashing half the bones in the guy’s face. Criminally violent much? I mean, what the fuck? Thank goodness D’Arcy has today been banned from competing in Beijing, I hope his appeal against the decision fails. Usually good athletes get rewarded for these sorts of indiscretions with second chances, taxpayer funded holidays and the adulation of the masses. Why? Because they can swim fast and that means something. Because sporting prowess is more important in this country than the law, morals, or human rights.

Our whole country needs to be bitch-slapped over this lack of perspective, but for now: fuck Grant Hackett, for being the spokeperson for yet another campaign of denial and malignant stupidity. He needs his head slammed in a car door 40 or 50 times, Vinnie Jones style.

7 Responses to “10 People I’d Love To Smash – #6”

  1. I love how you find the worst pictures of these people lol, it’s hilarious.

  2. Hackett definitely needs to be smashed, but my reason is I just can’t stand the barely concealed arrogance on the cunt’s stupid looking face. Hackett is a classic wanker.

  3. Sweetcheif Says:

    I wonder how his “Grant Hackett Juicemaster 1500” sold? What a load of shit. Anyone that believed his drivel and bought it should be publicly flogged. My god he just had that stupid look about his face as usual and looked out of place like his mate Thorpe hosting the Simpsons on Foxtel. Fucking Thorpe should come out of the closet too, the prick!

  4. Accidents Will Happen Says:

    Fuck swimming. Sheesh.

  5. Juan Killeau Says:

    wife beating cunt …

  6. Absolute cunt

  7. Helen Winters Says:

    Yes. OMG I truly cannot stand that lizard-looking man. And wtf is he doing in the pool again might I ask (April 2015). I thought he was busy trying to pitch his brand into the business sector (‘relationshiip manager’ for Westpac anyone?) after his unsuccessful attempts at sports presenting. Oh yeah, in between TRASHING his house and losing his family. Hackett, go read a book somewhere quiet …ideally near a croc-infested lake, and get off TV!

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