10 People I’d Love To Smash

I the name of being more regular with my postings I am embarking on a ten part series about some of the people who, in a world without legal repercussions or moral dilemmas, I’d really enjoy exacting physical violence upon.


I’ll apologise up front to my international readers for the Australo-centric nature of this list. I have one or two candidates who everyone should recognize and I’ll endeavour to include enough links with the others that you can come to some understanding of my wrath.


If you have a special someone you think should be included in this list, you’re welcome to either comment below or email me at buck.frain@gmail.com Whilst I’m pretty happy with my ten, I’m quite willing to believe I may have overlooked someone more deserving of divine fury.


I’ll also make the disclaimer: I will not be including any politicians. When thinking about the list I almost filled it entirely with politicians so I’m considering giving them their own list sometime down the track. The only thing that discourages me from that idea is that 99% of people who enter politics should quite rightly be bludgeoned without mercy, so it’d be kinda like shooting fish in a barrel. Then of course, the dilemma of how to stop at only ten?



So, in no particular order I give you 10 People I’d Love To Smash:



#1: Sam Newman


John “Sam” Newman is a racist, sexist, homophobic arsehole, a bully and a fuckwit. At 62 years old, the retired AFL footballer turned media personality is living proof that a man may experience much in life and learn absolutely nothing. He is a narcissistic mask of faux superiority based on a remembered boof-head-footy-player past and supported by retarded sexuality and contempt for anyone that isn’t him. He’s a walking warning on the dangers of sports psychology. On national TV he’s guilty of dressing up in blackface to mock indigenous footballer Nicky Winmar, exposing his genitals, humiliating his own son, and most recently a misogynistic attack on journalist and TV presenter Caroline Wilson. For a more comprehensive list click here. For fuck’s sake, he had Botox done on TV! His interviewing technique consists of insulting people or, failing that, over-articulating the new multi-syllabic word he’s learnt and using it to patronise them.


Despite numerous brushes with death he remains unchanged. A near fatal kidney injury in 1967 failed to make him have that “long hard look at himself”. Being deliberately run over by the mother of one of his children and prostate cancer have also failed to unearth any humanity in him.


I’m elated he’s had his prostate removed, I hope with all my heart that he can’t fuck anymore and that he keeps pissing himself. He’s paid ridiculous amounts of money by Channel Nine et al and his sole purpose is to lower the I.Q. of Australia. There’s a line in Mamet’s American Buffalo: “The only way to teach these people is to kill them.” So very true. Sam Newman should be beaten to death by an angry mob wielding footy socks containing pool balls. While I’m not a big fan of mobs I’ll make an exception for Sam, he’s a cunt.

23 Responses to “10 People I’d Love To Smash”

  1. I suspect you over-estimate him

  2. I’m so enjoying this.

  3. Well done. But I expected Ian Thorpe to be number 1!

    Smug little prick. He needs to be in here somewhere!

  4. worst blog ever. huge depth of throught here, you can name minor bgrade celebs and one drug addict up for manslaughter. good on ya pal

  5. lj is clearly an over done sack of shit who doesnt know what he is talking about. keep fighting the good fight, sam deserves to cop a big dick in his arse. not just for the pain, but for the humility. the cunt needs to learn to have some fucking respect and whats worst about it is that AUSTRALIA supports him. sometimes i fucking hate my country, it just disappoints me

  6. Maaaaate!

    I’m surprised this guy rates as one of the 10 people you’d like to smash.

    You’ve got to get out and about a bit more. There are plenty of much worse people than Newman (who, outside of Victoria has even heard of him?) that need a smack.

    Here’s a few, for starters, you might want to take aim at (in no particular order).

    Donald Rumsfeld (for being such a smug incompetent cunt)

    Sai Baba (for being a lying cheating cunt that prays to the god of thieves)

    Dick Cheney (for just being him)

    John Howard (for being a little weasel and Bush’s sycophant)

    Abu Bakar Bashir (now wouldn’t you just love to smack that evil little buck toothed cunt in the mouth? You know you want to!)

  7. Buck Frain Says:


    I’m disappointed you didn’t bother to read the article before commenting on it. I’m angry, there’s lots of people I’d like to smash. This is not a “top ten”, this is not Dave Letterman, it’s just a selection, a sampler if you will. The disclaimer above clearly states that I wouldn’t be including politicians so you can bloody well shut up about that. Also, MY list would probably be different to yours as YOU are someone else and I am ME! This was a random smattering in no particular order of 10 people I (me) would love to smash. You’ve evidently missed the point completely. Thanks for visiting 🙂

    Fuck you!


  8. alphaniko Says:

    hey dude love your work, i know its hard to pick just 10, but i got a few ya might like to add…

    1. that little girl from the first Narnia movie, she couldnt act her way out of a a paper bag even if it was on fire. seriously am i the only one that wanted to punch her in the face every time she spoke in that movie? her crapness was amazingly throwupable!

    2.that fat bitch dixie from big brother, ANYONE who says dogs are a waste of space needs a reality check if not a good smashing, dogs would kick her dumb ass at anything, has that chick seen herself in the mirror lately? if anything is a waste of space its her and her stupid mouth.

    3..People that are 2 faced pricks. for example; ive stood up for some one who i thought was a friend of mine And when other people have bagged him or her i stood up for them and said they were top notch people, but then i find out they have been bagging me and said they hate me for no reason!! seriously, NO reason. wtf is wrong with some people that they have nothing better to do with their pathetic lives than start stupid fights with their friends that they know their never going to win????

    i got a few more but just cant think of them though this haze of hate…!!!! yet……

  9. david koch

    make it slow and painful please, just like the torture it is to watch him on ?TV

  10. very very pleased you chose Kyle Sandilands – i have always hated him and so many people ask me why, i havent ever been able to give a reason i just do… but you gave me a few good ones!

  11. screw you buck. I just pissed myself laughing.

  12. luving them all, jsut need to get some more up here lol. take on sum bigger figures, but great work so far, got my sock n ball ready

  13. Cherax destructor Says:

    Ah yes…Sammy! An entire career founded on being a complete cunt!

  14. fuck mate these cunts aint going to breed more fuckoes are they hahahahahahahahahahaha cuuuunts

  15. “I’m elated he’s had his prostate removed, I hope with all my heart that he can’t fuck anymore and that he keeps pissing himself. ”

    You violent evil cunt. You’re more full of hate than Sam is. You’re nothing. You mindless fucking leftard cunt.

    Go save the whales you fucking moron.

  16. Great article,Sam Newman is everything thats wrong with this country,anyone who defends him is a sad cunt.

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  20. the :uncovered meat” man ….the cleric …..goat brain …….should not he be tenderised with baseball bats …….just a fantasy


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