You’re fuckin’ ORANGE, cockface!
I’ve been seeing them everywhere today. I don’t know whether it’s the sudden cooler weather that makes them yearn for the illusion of summer, or whether I’ve just been oblivious of late, but they’re back – the orange people. Not the cult, I mean the fake tan fuck-wits.
They’re easier to spot than toupees, for fuck’s sake. It’s mostly women but occasionally you see an orange man, usually a metro-gym-junkie. Fake tan! What the dick-cheese-sandwich are you thinking? Are you colour blind? You are bright orange. Your fucking skin is orange. People aren’t naturally orange, of all the many beautiful colours people come in orange is not one. Orange screams fake. It howls at the top of its lungs to everyone with sight: Look at me, I’m a pasty white fuck-waste who’s ridiculously self-conscious about my skin colour and has absolutely no self-awareness whatsoever. I’m shit! Throw rocks at me! STAB ME!! I’M FUCKED!!!
I fucking hate it. It’s absurd, and they just act like they just got back from Bali and no-one realises that it’s not real, even when they’re wearing a sleeveless top and the orange has sweated off to reveal white armpits. Orange is a fruit. FUCKING HAVE A LOOK AT YOURSELF!!! It’s just fuckin’ stupid, it looks like orange dirt. Go home, scrub yourself clean, put on some decent boots, kick the living shit out of yourself and repeat 100 times Everyone knows I’m not really orange.
May 23, 2008 at 1:06 am
i agree Buck, and so did Shakespeare. He left us with a biting treatise on what he thought of the self obsessed elbow scrag who feel the need to look like something they’re not, and I quote…
Wool of bat and tongue of dog,
Adder’s fork and blind-worm’s sting,
Lizard’s leg and owlet’s wing,
For a charm of powerful trouble,
Like a hell-broth boil and bubble.
Toe of frog and eye of newt,
To look like a fucking citrus fruit.
May 23, 2008 at 1:25 am
Orange people look citriously silly
May 23, 2008 at 1:48 am
Seeing these people makes me want to attack them with a brillo pad. Sure, I might take some skin off in the process, but hey. That’s life.
P.S. “STAB ME!! I’M FUCKED!!!” = I want that on a t-shirt.
May 26, 2008 at 4:27 pm
Oompa Loompas were orange, but in a truly kinky kind of lederhosen way. I argue they’re the exception to the rule!
June 25, 2008 at 9:58 pm
Im a girl and id never dream of slapping that orange shit on me. Do they actually think they look good!? i mean come on, fuckers, get a grip, ur orange!
July 22, 2008 at 4:04 am
FUCK YOUU I LOVE BEING ORANGE YOU’RE ALL JUST JEALOUS ! YOU LOVE IT REALLY !! IT’S WHAT IT’S ALL ABOUT THESE DAYS YOU STUPID IDIOT GET WITH THE TIMES……… ORANGE PEOPLE ARE GREAT
July 22, 2008 at 9:01 am
No, DENISE, you sad orange caps-locked bint.
Trust me I’m not jealous, I don’t love it, it’s fucked.
Being orange is not what it’s all about these days.
I am as with the times as I need to be.
You’re shit.
Fuck off and die.
August 11, 2008 at 9:54 pm
I remember reading somewhere sometime ago (sorry to whomever coined the term) these people described as “tanorexics” – they look in the mirror and always see a pale person.
September 8, 2008 at 11:19 pm
OMG! I LOVE YOU DUDE!
I haaate the orange people.
I mean, it looks REALLY fake, and if you’re naturally pasty? Rock it, work with it, it doesn’t freakin’ matter!
Also, being half-english, half-ugandan, I have naturally tanned skin.
It bothers me when people aren’t just happy with the way their skin is; My Xemai (Grandma) even said to me one day “They want our skin colour, but not the prejudice that comes with it!*”
Love Merley
* = Having said that, I’m an Aussie through and through, I’ve only encountered racism once in my life.**
** = That wasn’t for you Buck, that’s for any of those freakin’ PC morons that just HAAAVE to be right!
January 8, 2009 at 2:42 pm
So, if they wanna look like oranges, treat em like oranges…
Peel the cunts!
*demented, glazed-eyed kinda look*
August 4, 2009 at 5:52 am
No, no, no…don’t discourage these orange freaks to cease & desist…they are among the hideous that are especially funny because they think they are beautifying themselves. One day, hopefully soon, I hope to see one of these fools who also has severe acne crater scars so he/she really will look just like an orange in colour & texture.