Christmas In July – Please Make Tony Abbott Die.

Posted in Rage Against The Machine with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 30, 2014 by Buck Frain

Dear Santa,

 

It’s been a while since I wrote to you but at this point you’re probably the only one who can help me. Seeing as Christmas In July seems to be a thing now, please find below my list. It’s not very conventional but neither is Christmas In July so I’ve attempted to go for non-commercial presents that will be of benefit to lots of people, not just to me.

 

1. Please kill Tony Abbott. No need to make him suffer. Just make him stop being alive. He’s hurting pretty much everyone. He’s happy about it. His actions benefit no-one other than handful of ultra-wealthy people who don’t really need him. He brings nothing good, kind or honest to the world, only selfishness and suffering.

2. Please kill Joe Hockey. He’s a liar and a thief. He’s lied about his family’s business interests for 14 years while he lines his pockets and now he wants the rest of us to put up with unnecessary poverty. I would accept austerity in a time of hardship but in a boom time when Australia is strong it’s empirically wrong. He’s cynically and systematically destroying middle Australia and creating suffering for millions while he and his mates live large.

3. Please kill Scott Morrison. He’s overseeing a system of illegal imprisonment, people trafficking, psychological, physical and sexual abuse, torture and murder of innocent men, women and children. People fleeing the worst horrors imaginable and seeking our help. He has them to concentration camps in the world’s least liveable places to punish them and their families for daring to seek shelter from cruelty.

4. Please kill Christopher Pyne. He’s destroying education for Australians and making it harder for anyone who’s not already rich to compete with their fellows for an equal chance to make a good life for themselves. He’s stealing the future for generations to come and he’s a smarmy little cunt as well if you don’t mind my saying so.

5. Please smack Mattias Cormann really hard, right in his box-shaped, Belgian fucking head about 50 or 60 times, really, really fucking hard. I fucking hate that prick!

 

That’s my top 5. I could go on – George Brandis, Kevin Andrews, Julie Bishop, Arthur Sinodinos, oh God there’s soooo many of them – but I know you’re busy and lots of people will be asking for things. I know I’m not perfect but I’ve been as good as I can, Santa. I haven’t killed anyone, cheated anyone or told any lies that have damaged people’s lives. Just the normal stuff like: “No, you were just a little bit tipsy, no-one took it badly, you were quite amusing.” Oh wait, well, maybe I should’ve been a bit more honest there but seriously…this is getting off topic.

I don’t want to be greedy. If you can only deliver on number 5 I’ll be massively grateful but please, please start at the top. It’s not just for me, these are gifts for all of Australians, for the whole world even. Please, Santa, please bring me Christmas in July – please make Tony Abbott die.

 

Lots of love,

Buck Frain

Victorian Police Officer Caught Dancing At Murder Scene

Posted in Human Stupidity with tags , , , , , , , , , on October 18, 2011 by Buck Frain

The Victoria Police is embroiled in scandal today as journalists captured photographs of a female officer apparently doing a ‘ribbon dance’ with police tape while cordoning off a murder scene in Bendigo.

The close community, already shaken by such a violent crime, has reacted strongly against what it perceives as disrespectful and grossly unprofessional behaviour.

A source outside the newsagency at the time said: “It was unbelievable. It was such a sombre scene and she just breaks into some sort of rhythmic gymnastics routine. A couple of people giggled and that seemed to spur her on, she was getting right into it. I just thought it was completely out of order.”

The dancing officer was allegedly pulled into line by a colleague who ushered her away from the media and assembled public, some quite disturbed by her antics in a scene that threatened to turn very ugly.

“Someone’s been murdered, for f___’s sake, have some respect.”, shouted an onlooker.

The outraged Bendigo community wants an explanation. Victoria Police has declined to comment on the matter pending further investigation.

Packed To The Rafters With Gormlessness!

Posted in Shit That Sucks & Blows with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 10, 2010 by Buck Frain

A top psychologist has come out to warn fucking idiots obsessed with a piece-of-shit TV show that the death of a fictional character may cause them to feel an emotion. A major news outlet scrambled to alert an apathetic and increasingly gorm-deficient populace to this inconsequential drivel in the hope they could avoid having to report any of the significant events or issues that might warrant genuine social consideration.

If people start feeling emotions about things that aren’t real, they reasoned, it’s a real possibility that they may one day experience an emotion about something that is real. If this happened, then it’s down the slippery slope to people forming considered opinions about the world they live in and even taking actions towards making it a better place. This sort of thing could seriously threaten big business.

Fuck you, Australia, for taking it! Fuck you, Channel 7, for producing the flyblown arse that is Packed to the Rafters! Fuck you again for trying to disguise blatant plugs for your own TV show as legitimate news! – Yes, they seriously tried to pass plot plugs for the show as genuine news that implied that an actor had died! – And fuck you to the psychologist, Dr. Jan Hall, who thinks that experiencing emotions is something that the public need to be warned about! Are you fucking serious? I mean, are we as a society so alienated from our emotions that we need a public warning about the catastrophic grief we may experience at the loss of a fictional character on a TV show? Get fucked!

“Tell yourself it’s only a TV show, exercise to release the ‘happy drugs’ in your body, or watch a soppy DVD that makes you have a good cry,” she said.

Fuck the fucking fuck right off! Seriously, Dr Hall, do you actually think that people have forgotten the purposes and possible effects of drama? People empathising with fictional characters and experiencing emotions as a result of fictional events? What the cunting shit do you think has been going on for the last 2000 years? Theatre and catharsis – ring any bells? You fucking stupid cunt! JUST FUCKING DIE!!!

A massive FUCK YOU has to go out to The Herald Sun for giving any of this even the slightest consideration. YOUR ORGANISATION SHOULD BE OBLITERATED FOR CRIMES AGAINST THE NATIONAL INTELLECT!!!

By the way, the two million people who watch that excremental suburban banality should be set on fire for their lack of imagination or taste. Gormless fucks! I’m serious, I fucking hate you all!

All-in-one Kitchen Revolution!

Posted in Human Stupidity with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 4, 2010 by Buck Frain

Amazing breakthrough technology. 

Imagine a device so flexible and multi-purposed that it allowed you to throw away virtually all of your cumbersome kitchen appliances in one go.

It’s a slow-cooker, it’s a rice cooker, a bread maker, pie maker, fryer, boiler, roaster, steamer, griller and more. Entrees, mains, desserts, it can do them all. It make a thanksgiving dinner for the whole family, it can toast bread, it can even make you a cup of tea or coffee!!!

Anything you need to cook that requires heat can be prepared to gourmet chefs’ standards using this one device. 

How much would you pay for such an appliance? 

How about NOTHING AT ALL? 

Too good to be true? 

Not so! 

In Australia every house either rented or sold has one of these devices ALREADY!!! 

Yes, you miserable shit-sucking fuckholes, IT’S YOUR FUCKING OVEN!!! 

LEARN TO FUCKING USE IT AND STOP TWATTING ON ABOUT DOUCHEBAG, STUPID, PIECE-OF-SHIT APPLIANCES YOU’VE BEEN CONNED INTO BUYING BECAUSE YOU’RE A CUNTING USELESS PIECE OF MINDLESS EXCREMENT!!! 

LEARN TO COOK OR KILL YOURSELF AND SHUT THE  FUCK UP BECAUSE I’M FUCKING TIRED OF IT!!!

A Vote For Abbott Is A Vote For Al-Qaeda.

Posted in Boof-head Sporto Fuckwits, Rage Against The Machine, Random Shit That Gives Me The Cunt with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 19, 2010 by Buck Frain

It’s a big call but I’ve had a gut-full! The federal election this Saturday is vital to the future of Australia. I survived the Howard years when the ironically-named Liberal Party stomped all over public opinion and consistently fucked the little guy in order to pump up the wealthy. I watched while the majority of Australians voted them in time and time again against their own interests. I still don’t know how and I still don’t know why. I can’t go back there. I FUCKING WON’T!

I’ve heard the parrot calls of RAWK! Think of the economy. RAWK! Usually coming from ill-informed cretins who don’t realise their thoughts aren’t in any way their own and that actually they’ve got big business’ hands up their arses.

I have absolutely no faith in democracy in this country because it seems to me that the majority of Australians are complacent, apathetic, ignorant and mentally lazy. We’ve had it good for so long that we don’t feel like we have a responsibility to educate ourselves to what’s really going on and to have an opinion about it. Although I love Australia dearly I don’t think I have any choice but to take a stand. If the good people of Australia are hell-bent on choosing the interests of a handful of wealthy individuals who care nothing for the environment or the future of Australia or its citizens, over the future of this wonderful country for themselves and their children, then I have to do something.

I have no influence and as has been repeatedly pointed out to me, I have no power. Other than choice. If you vote for the Liberal Party you have no soul. You have no compassion. You have no concern for the environment, or healthcare, or education, women or technology. You have no compassion for the people who flee terrible circumstances in other countries for a better life like the one we enjoy here. I read that at our present rates it would take 20 years for the flow of boat people to fill the MCG. That’s not a lot of people. Especially considering the strength of our economy and the size of our nation. Especially considering that these people want to work and contribute to our country to make us all stronger and richer. Many countries with far less resources do far more for people in trouble. We could do more if only we stopped thinking about how scared WE are and gave a thought for how thankful we should be for all we have and how we might share it with people less fortunate.

The mining companies in this country are grandmotherfucking cuntingly rich bastards and they’re only getting richer and they’re getting it from taking OUR very finite natural resources. I don’t mind anyone making money but Abbott doesn’t think the Australian people deserve a share of this wealth. He won’t tax those rich fat cunts!

If Abbott gets in this Saturday I’m joining Al-Qaeda and fuck you all!

Harsh? Fuck it. What else is left? If a country blessed with so many beautiful, wonderful qualities can choose fear and mean-spiritedness by a majority; if democracy can be rendered meaningless by propaganda that doesn’t even make sense; if people are so stupid that they will vote for a sport-obsessed, misogynist, xenophobic, homophobic, religious fundamentalist with no economic acumen and who is a self-confessed liar and committed to making ordinary citizens carry the bill for the lifestyles of the rich and shameless; I have no choice left but to declare war against such malevolent, wilful stupidity.

I will join Al-Qaeda if Liberal win on Saturday.

So, I don’t care who you vote for. It’s your vote and you should think about what the various parties and candidates represent and vote according to who you think will best serve the nation’s interests and contribute best to the future of Australia. By “think” I actually mean use some critical thinking, use some analytical skills to see what’s behind the P.R. hype, not just decide based on who you felt handled Mark Latham’s handshake best. CUNTS!!! Whatever! I’ve said my piece. Do what you want, but a vote for Abbott is a vote for Al-Qaeda, so don’t complain when you vote that smarmy wank-stain in and I blow your fucking shit up!

Stupid fucking monkeys!

Judge For Yourself.

Posted in Shit That Sucks & Blows with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 10, 2010 by Buck Frain

There is a point at which ignorance becomes evil and just makes me want to murder people.

A QUEENSLAND judge has found the terms “nigger” and “sandnigger” are not offensive to a reasonable person.

This article just made me want to build a scud missile out of my neighbour’s VW, some left over fireworks, municipal pool supplies and blow the living shit out of Queensland with it. WHAT THE ARSE-FUCKED-OLSON-TWINS IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE??? 

Senile bogan shit-sack Denis Mulheron, 62, of The Gold Coast (above) sent a disgraceful hate-speech-laden fax to Queensland lawmaker Peta-Kaye Croft under the misguided notion that as a bigoted white man someone should listen to his stupidity. OK, that’s bad. I know opinions are like arseholes, in that everyone has one, and Mr Mulheron certainly appears to need the shit flushed out of his. However, even in the Neanderthal state of Queensland, there are laws against racial vilification and, thankfully, Mulheron was charged with using a carriage service, i.e. the fax machine, to menace, harass or offend – this offence carries up to three years’ jail. 

I’m not saying he deserved to go away for 3 years. I am certain, however, that the case should not have been thrown out and I’m even more certain that Magistrate Michael O’Driscoll is criminally wrong to suggest that the above terms are not offensive to any “reasonable” person. This is what he said. This is what he ruled. 

I know a couple of reprobate white people who would probably agree. They also are wrong. However, I do not think any of my African friends nor any of my Indian, Middle Eastern nor Indigenous friends would agree. Everyone I have spoken to about this said that they would be offended by the terms and Mr Mulheron’s comments. According to O’Driscoll’s ruling, all of these people are not “reasonable”. Magistrate Michael O’Driscoll is saying by his ruling that non-racists are unreasonable. He’s saying that almost everyone I know is unreasonable to be offended by something that, in any other country I’ve lived in, would be understood by the general populace to be offensive. 

If that is not racism I don’t know what is. A member of the judiciary in this country has just rubber-stamped racism because he, as a white man, doesn’t find vilification of non-white people offensive and deigns to say anyone who does is not “reasonable”.  Magistrate Michael O’Driscoll should be fired and jailed. I’m all for freedom of speech and expression but with that comes responsibility. Freedom cannot extend to the freedom to malign people based on race, gender, sexuality or faith. If it does, that freedom is worth nothing because it protects no-one except the person who already hold all the cards. The flames of racism in Australia do not need to be fanned by anyone and the racist bogan masses of the cultural rectum of this country don’t need any encouragement.

By the way, if you’re a white person who doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with this decision please don’t bother to comment here. I don’t care to hear your ignorance. You don’t get to tell me how you’re white and don’t care if someone calls you cracker or pom. Fuck you! Fuck you to death with a jack-hammer! IT DOESN’T COUNT! YOU ARE THE PRIVILEGED  MAJORITY THEREFORE ANY MOMENTARY PAIN YOU HAVE EXPERIENCED BY FEELING DIFFERENT IS INCONSEQUENTIAL COMPARED TO WHAT IS EXPERIENCED BY GENUINE VICTIMS OF RACIAL OR CULTURAL VILIFICATION! YOU DON’T GET TO CASH IN AND PLAY THE VICTIM HERE SO FUCK OFF!!! 

To all the rest of you: have a nice day :)

Declaring War On Arse Terrorism

Posted in Random Shit That Gives Me The Cunt with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 31, 2010 by Buck Frain

Pants. They’re great. One leg in each side, pull up, fasten – BOOM – you’re clothed. Girls, you may require something more. But seriously, they are a pretty simple thing, right? I love pants. They cover and protect while allowing freedom of movement, and the many different varieties of colour, fabric, style and design provide something for every taste and occasion. So, how the fuck does it come to pass that not being able to wear them properly should become cool? Why is every gormless nob-end, usually with haircut requiring 3 hours work per day just to keep it looking like a spontaneously gang-raped dog carcass, wearing their pants below their arse cheeks now? WHAT THE FUCK DID I MISS HERE??? When I gave a shit about cool, it had some sort of meaning to it. I didn’t necessarily buy into it but at least I could understand. Not being able to put on a pair of pants is just stupid. It just makes you look like a complete fucktard. I mean, you’re not more attractive with 4 inches of your manky underpants on show to the world.


Aside from the aesthetic repugnance of this devolution of human achievement, wearing pants like this doesn’t make life easier. Movement is restricted and one has to widen one’s stance to the ridiculous in order to keep the pants on, thus undermining one of the many great features of pants, i.e. they automatically stay on until you want to take them off. These cunts walk like they’ve just shat themselves and if they ever had cause to run they’d lose the pants in a second and either have to run holding them up (impractical at best in case you’ve never had to run) or fall face first into the ground. IT’S FUCKING STUPID!!!

I’ve looked into the phenomenon and apparently it all started in the US where African American kids decided they’d get way more respect if they dressed like they were in prison. In prison you’re not allowed to have a belt because you might hang yourself with it or maybe even use it to hurt someone else so it follows that prisoners’ pants don’t fit so well. OK, so I understand the origin. I even get that stupid kids think it’s cool to emulate criminals, however, at least some of the African American kids have the good grace to cover their ill-fitting pants with long t-shirts that cover their arses…and can also, incidentally, be conveniently used to conceal weapons. Sadly, dumbfuck Aussie white kids have once again completely missed any point that might have been there. They twat around in designer clothes their Liberal-voting mum paid for, they never carry guns and they wear short shirts to advertise the fact that their only statement to the world is fail pants. It’s completely fucked. And then to add insult to injury they add a belt to the ensemble. A CUNTING BELT!!! For fuck’s sake, the only purposes belts serve are to keep your pants above your hips or  to put holsters, handcuffs or superhero shit on, which will pull your pants down if you don’t have them on properly.

Having pants that don’t fit says:

  • a) I’m poor
  • b) I’m just out of jail where I did hard time as a large man’s wife and/or
  • c) I’m armed, fuck you!

Having pants that look like they should fit, are assisted by a belt but still sit below your arse cheeks says:

  • a) I’m intellectually disabled and my carer didn’t help me after I went to the toilet
  • b) I’m a mindless follower of a consumer culture I don’t understand and/or
  • c) I’m so unredeemably shit as a person that I like deliberately getting simple things wrong to complicate my pointless existence, you should grab me by my stupid hair and fling me down the nearest flight of stairs or into the path of the nearest oncoming train!

Why does it offend me? What? You mean apart from it being both ugly and stupid? You mean you need more? Well here it is: these miscreants sit on public transport and everywhere else in their underpants. That’s right. Stinky undies right on a seat that I have to share. The pants are so low they don’t get sat on! What, your designer jeans cost so much you don’t want to wear them out by sitting on them?  GET FUCKED!!! Put some cunting clothes on. Do you think you’re so beautiful that strangers want to see your arse or maybe even share its contents? YOUR MUM WAS BEING NICE!!! You’re not cool, you’re not hot, you’re a useless, ugly cunt! For shit’s sake, cover your stinking arse! Your pants are supposed to go there. They’re not just for you, they’re a barrier for everyone else against your e-coli and convict jizz. If you’re not wearing them over your arse there’s no point wearing them at all. It’s what they’re there for – THEY’RE MADE TO COVER YOUR ARSE!!!

Stupid sagging pants fuckhead.

In the end this amounts to nothing less than Arse Terrorism. I believe it’s a campaign of terror by fetishists who like to put their dirty arses on other people’s things and I cannot tolerate it any longer. I urge everyone to take action against these purveyors of ugliness, stupidity and disease. Whenever and wherever you see them with their stupid arses, or strangely often lack-of-arse, hanging out over pants that have been forgotten at half-mast, I urge you all: kick them! Punch them! Throw the remains of your coffee on them! Push them into traffic! Set them on fucking fire!

The only way these arse terrorists will learn to wear pants properly is if it becomes vital for their survival. We have to draw a line, and let’s face it, people with their pants half down can’t fucking chase you so fuck ‘em, you get a free shot!

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